I'm a 3rd generation born-in on my mom's side. My grandmother became a JW and taught her kids to be JWs, although she didn't have the support of grandpa. My mom was one of the few to stick with it. Mom married dad when she was still young, and he wasn't a witness. He's still not a witness but is fully supportive of JWs and JW theology. I dedicated 27 years of my life to this organization. In March 2013, I moved to the city and didn't fit in. I thought there must be something wrong with me, so I started intense study....starting from the beginning of JW history. Over the course of building my library, I found things that didn't add up. By June 2013, I began lurking on this site and reading JWFacts. My quest for knowledge led to an unhealthy obsession for all things TTATT. I read CoC and ISOCF and had my mind blown even more. By the end of 2013 I was completely out mentally. Service and meeting attendance started going downhill. My wife noticed that something was up with me, but I couldn't get the nerve to talk about it. When I finally did talk to her, she said some hurtful things that made me emotionally numb for quite some time. I struggled with deep depression, thoughts that I'd be better off dead, and severe emotional trauma. Each day was a struggle to continue on, complicated by me trying to hide my true emotions and thoughts behind my usual mask. Fast-forward to 2015, I've talked about my doubts with my wife and close friend. They didn't think it was that serious. The indoctrination runs deep. But they didn't turn me in. I've been missing more meetings. I haven't been in service for over a year. My wife hasn't either. We get an hour or so of token service talking about our spirituality informally (not necessarily JW related), but enough to keep us from being completely targeted. I'm still moving forward with my fade and trying to find ways to cope with the complete loss of friends and family after I cut off the JW side of my life completely. I hope to at least salvage my marriage, but no matter what happens, I'm slowly finding the strength within to tell myself that I can cope and handle the outcome. It's a treacherous hand we're dealt, knowing what we know, and fighting the indoctrination of a cruel organization. --------------------------- June 2018 Update Try as I may, my wife and I finally got divorced. We made it through the ex-JW BS and were torn apart by other reasons. I had communication problems. She found comfort in another man. Or another man found comfort in her. One of those two. Either way, through marriage therapy, trial, and tribulation, I've gotten much better at communication, but I couldn't win back the heart of my wife. We survived so much, only to be torn apart by this. Let this be a warning to all of you that make it out of the cult with your wives. You have to work much harder to survive once that third cord is removed from your relationship. You have to invest in that relationship more than you ever did in the past, or else it may wither away and die.