Going Nuclear - Marriage

by Sofia Lose 25 Replies latest jw experiences

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  troubled mind

  Sophia Lose ....It is scary . Probably the scariest thing I have ever done . I went 'nuclear' on my husband ,and completely blindsided him . One day we were at the meeting ,and I just could not take it anymore .I asked him to take me home ,and once we got there I told him I never want to go to another meeting again . If I had the chance to do it all over I would have prepared him better. It shook him ,and he thought I was going to leave him . It took a few weeks to really explain to him that it was the religion I was done with, not him or our marriage .

  I told him that if he needed my support I would attend meetings with him for a while . He decided himself just not to go back either ....he didn't want to continue alone .Our kids were raised and gone . He had already started to be involved in a couple of hobbies so I encouraged him to just get into those more completely .

  I think it took us about three yrs to really even out ,and find our freedom . At first he was some what depressed ,but over time he began to see the hypocrisy of the Witnesses. He never has done his own deep research ,but he has listened to things I have found. I started slow with things I knew bothered him ,and gradually shared doctrinal issues ect.

  Our marriage ,now almost nine yrs out ,is stronger and better than ever before .

  Before I don't think we had always been open ,and honest with each other . As Witnesses it seemed like everything was contingent upon what was expected not what was really true .

  Good luck Sophia ,it is scary . I just thought to myself at that time ,"Take the leap " ,because staying in something that is slowly killing my soul and happiness is just not worth it .
  
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  LostGeneration

  I notice it is the guys that have gone nuclear and it seems easier than if it is the woman that does it. Correct me if wrong on this.

  I wouldn't say that from reading this board for more than five years, its completely random IMHO. If you haven't laid any sort of a foundation (meaning dropping hints, asking hard questions, making it known you don't agree with everything that is spewed from the podium and in the mags) its going to really blindside them and you can expect the worst.

  But if you have done this, I think at some point there is nothing wrong with putting your foot down. Not "going nuclear" in a rage, but simply saying "Im not going anymore and this is why." Maybe pick a time when you know something completely out of whack is coming, like a WT study where they promote something really offensive. Good luck whatever you decide.
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  Tornintwo

  Hi Sofia, I did..., I started by telling him I had serious doubts (6 months ago) i was genuinely upset about it all at the time, really I told him every step of my doubting and discoveries, child abuse, only 0.1% of the population will survive the big A, false predictions, UN membership, AMIII ridiculous talks.. etc etc... Until it got too much for him and he really told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't want to hear or read anything negative about the org.

  Since then I've naturally stopped f.s. and attending most meetings...

  i think it helped that he saw the process happening, he tried to help, sat in on a shepherding call with me etc, he could see my doubts were very genuine and I wasn't just being 'rebellious', now he's not pressuring me or anything at all. I still believe in a non-jw way so I don't mind the odd prayer or bible based family study, I just don't go to the Kh most of the time. We do disagree about the kids though (associations) but they are old enough to make their own decisions and are happy that mom is being more relaxed about them going out now!

  I have found with him and elders, friends etc that the 'confused and doubting' stance elicits more sympathy and understanding than the 'it's a load of BS' stance!!! Of course they'll try to 'help' you but you just kindly and respectfully ask them to leave it with you and Jehovah. They get busy with other stuff....

  Overall I think it's better to be honest though, it's too much emotional and mental strain otherwise x
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  dgeero

  Yup last year my wife was asking me what our plans were for convention. I said "Yeah i was thinking about not going.. chuckle chuckle". This caught her off guard and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I told her the witnesses were a cult and I wanted nothing to do with them. Fast forward to now my wife hasn't been to a meeting in over a year other than memorial and just lately she has told me she has been reading up on the Australian royal commission and about how BS some of the witness dogma is like the cross etc. I think she is finally waking up. After the initial blow up I took a step back and only shared things with her periodically. We had quite a rough patch for awhile but things have been much better since the beginning of the year or so.
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  Tornintwo

  Hi Sofia, just checking in....did you decide to 'go nuclear' yet or are you still treading on egg shells...

  I feel for you, you're between a rock and a hard place....

  my husband is for a change being quite understanding (at the moment) but I have this feeling like underneath it all he is thinking 'shes a demon possessed apostate'.......

  Maybe he's trying to 'win me without a word' so maybe I'll finally get some good christian husband behaviour, now why didn't I think of that before?
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  cappytan

  To answer the OP, I did.

  I came home one day after work, while I was still learning TTATT, and told my wife that I had something really important to talk to her about.

  You can see that thread here.

  And subsequent threads here:

  Wife is waking up.

  Wife is FOR SURE waking up.

  Busted my wife tonight.

  Wife fully awake.

  My wife has now completely awoken and we have moved away from where we were and are now faded. We don't go to meetings.

  Currently, our families don't know. But I guess that eventually they do, but we're both okay with the eventual consequences.