(I first posted this in main forum...had second thoughts, just in case, and re-posted here.)
Well, a lot of you gave me some very sound words of advice last night on dealing with my issue.
(See: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/20530003/losing-faith)
You told me to take it slow...calm down before I broached the subject with my wife.
Last night, after making that post, before reading all your kind words of encouragement and caution, I just felt freer. Putting it all down in writing felt like i finally stopped lying to myself. It felt like I was free just by expressing how I felt.
That euphoria inspired me to talk to try bringing things up with my wife. She didn't freak out!
She thought I was trying to tell her I was having an affair. (!) I may be stupid enough to have swallowed everything the "org" said for years without question, but I'm not nearly stupid enough to step out on this amazing woman I don't deserve!
I approached it gently. I started with, "Can we talk about something? It's kind of serious." (That's probably when she freaked out on the inside, thinking I cheated.)
I asked her, hypothetically, what would she think of me if I were secretly a gun-control activist in my mind, but outwardly I worked for the NRA because it was good for our family and our family all worked for the NRA?
She said that I wouldn't be true to myself, but that she would understand.
I asked her if in that situation she would want to know about my feelings about guns.
She said, "Of course!"
I then said, "I have some doubts about the organization."
"What kind of doubts? I do a lot of times, too." (!)
I then talked a little about the 1914 issue as it related to 607 vs. 587.
She then laughed and said, "I have doubts about 1914 all the time. It kind of made sense at one time, but I don't really know or care that much."
Needless to say, I was surprised.
I told her that I didn't know if I could teach things I don't believe in. She said, "Then don't. Teach what you agree with, and stay silent on what you don't. We'll figure this out. Our loyalty belongs to each other and Jehovah, not a bunch of suits in Brooklyn."
My jaw was on the floor.
Maybe a fade together is possible! I didn't suggest it, but as she sees more and more about the organization and how, in my opinion, they have lost credibility as being God's "chosen nation," she may come around to that on her own now that she knows how I feel.
Reading other experiences on here, however, I realize that I truly lucked out.