I told her... Results: unexpected.

by cappytan 34 Replies latest members private

  • cappytan
    cappytan

    (I first posted this in main forum...had second thoughts, just in case, and re-posted here.)

    Well, a lot of you gave me some very sound words of advice last night on dealing with my issue.

    (See: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/20530003/losing-faith)

    You told me to take it slow...calm down before I broached the subject with my wife.


    Last night, after making that post, before reading all your kind words of encouragement and caution, I just felt freer. Putting it all down in writing felt like i finally stopped lying to myself. It felt like I was free just by expressing how I felt.

    That euphoria inspired me to talk to try bringing things up with my wife. She didn't freak out!

    She thought I was trying to tell her I was having an affair. (!) I may be stupid enough to have swallowed everything the "org" said for years without question, but I'm not nearly stupid enough to step out on this amazing woman I don't deserve!

    I approached it gently. I started with, "Can we talk about something? It's kind of serious." (That's probably when she freaked out on the inside, thinking I cheated.)

    I asked her, hypothetically, what would she think of me if I were secretly a gun-control activist in my mind, but outwardly I worked for the NRA because it was good for our family and our family all worked for the NRA?

    She said that I wouldn't be true to myself, but that she would understand.

    I asked her if in that situation she would want to know about my feelings about guns.

    She said, "Of course!"

    I then said, "I have some doubts about the organization."

    "What kind of doubts? I do a lot of times, too." (!)

    I then talked a little about the 1914 issue as it related to 607 vs. 587.

    She then laughed and said, "I have doubts about 1914 all the time. It kind of made sense at one time, but I don't really know or care that much."

    Needless to say, I was surprised.

    I told her that I didn't know if I could teach things I don't believe in. She said, "Then don't. Teach what you agree with, and stay silent on what you don't. We'll figure this out. Our loyalty belongs to each other and Jehovah, not a bunch of suits in Brooklyn."

    My jaw was on the floor.

    Maybe a fade together is possible! I didn't suggest it, but as she sees more and more about the organization and how, in my opinion, they have lost credibility as being God's "chosen nation," she may come around to that on her own now that she knows how I feel.

    Reading other experiences on here, however, I realize that I truly lucked out.

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Such wonderful news. It's a shame you both didn't discuss your doubts sooner, but that's what males WT a cult, it makes you fear being open with your loved ones.

    You say you lucked out, but I think you picked well when you married a truly genuine decent woman who is caring and considerate.

    You can both work through this together. Great news I am so happy for you both

    Kate xx

  • OneEyedJoe
    OneEyedJoe

    Sounds like you're on a good path.  Take it slow, but it sounds like she realizes that it's wrong to follow men unquestioningly and you shouldn't have to wait long to have an opportunity to point out that (especially the WT studies lately) everything is about "OBEY THE FDS" now.  

    I wish my wife was so open - if I bring up any doubts, even if it's something she's expressed doubts/disagreements with, she immediately goes defensive.

  • Angus Beef
    Angus Beef

    You're living the dream dude!  Buy her flowers now~!


    I woke up and basically told my hubs it's all bs and I'm not going back. Kinda told him he wasnt either. We left together. I woke up while he fought the elders off. Read REad REad how to exit this cult carefully.... I wish I'd known some things earlier and my fade (our fade) would have went smoother. But Great news for you and we're all cheering for you & the Miss.

  • goingthruthemotions
    goingthruthemotions

    WOW....i am so happy for you and so jealous. sounds like your wife is a thinker. still take it slow....don't rush. 

    like Angus Beef said, you are living my dream. when i leave this cult, it will not be has a couple. my marraige will be destroyed. She has already told me that she chooses the BORG over me.

    joining this cult was the worse mistake of my life....if i could turn back time!


    shalom

  • cappytan
    cappytan

    I wish there was a magic switch I could pull for all of you that would make your situations better. I don't know if I could leave (or stay undercover) without her support. 


    I should have known, though, that she would be understanding. 

    Thinking back, she has always criticized the stance on Birthdays saying the org's stance was not truly based on scripture. That should have told me she'd be open to this.

    It's a relief getting it off my chest. I hope it is for her to. Now she knows I won't freak out if she has issues.

  • OneEyedJoe
    OneEyedJoe
    Thinking back, she has always criticized the stance on Birthdays saying the org's stance was not truly based on scripture. That should have told me she'd be open to this

    Wow, that's actually pretty big.  Is she a born-in?  I've never known any born-ins to question the birthday thing - they (and, at one time, I) usually approach the topic with a self-righteous attitude like they want to show how much holier and smarter than the general populace they are because they can list all these reasons why it's wrong.


  • Sail Away
    Sail Away

    Fantastic news! Just remember to take things slowly so your wife doesn't flip back into her cult persona. Be sure to read Steven Hassan's books.

    https://www.freedomofmind.com/


  • cappytan
    cappytan
    Wow, that's actually pretty big.  Is she a born-in?  I've never known any born-ins to question the birthday thing - they (and, at one time, I) usually approach the topic with a self-righteous attitude like they want to show how much holier and smarter than the general populace they are because they can list all these reasons why it's wrong.

    Yeah, she's born-in.

    But, her parents, although "uber" dubs, need-greaters, are also very balanced and not at all dogmatic. 

    Her dad is one of the best guys to have a beer with and talk about how retarded that "tightpants" talk was.

  • EdenOne
    EdenOne

    Your wife is a smart woman, be thankful and cherish her!

    However, go easy on the fade subject; many Witnesses just don't know how to equate their faith without the Organization. And while in theory it's possible to be loyal to Jehovah and not some suits in Brooklyn, when it comes down to practical issues, it's not so easy and things can get complicated, and her loyalties may swing. Proceed with caution and subtly test her loyalties, without her noticing, before you take major steps. Family and friends are powerful influences and sometimes a more emotional conversation can make someone crawl back into the Organization just out of fear of losing something.

    Having said that, congratulations!

    Eden

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