Going Nuclear - Marriage

by Sofia Lose 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DesirousOfChange

    Husband has expressed to me that he would choose Jehovah over me

    I'd say it's time to tell hubby that your willing to sit in on Family Worship Night so that he can help answer all of the sincere doubts that you've kept bottled up for soooo long. (It's best if your doubts started from questions that you couldn't give the answer to a workmate, or Bible Student, or family member. NOT apostate sites.)

    If he can explain this overlap crap, let me know as I'd love to hear a reasonable explanation.

    Or, if he can explain why "blood fractions" do not violate the command to "abstain from blood", send me a PM. I'd love to hear that, too. And how does this new "blood policy" that allows "some" blood not violate the command to neither "add to" nor "take away" from God's Word.

    Then there are all the failed End of the World dates. Don't get it from online sources. Go to the KHall library (with the dates you need gleaned from jwfacts) and make copies. (You know apostates change those pdf documents that are available online, so you need the originals.) Then ask him to reconcile all that with Deut. 18:20-22 & Luke 21:8.

    I think being "sincere" and subtle will win out over being "nuclear".

    Good luck,


  • Sofia Lose
    Sofia Lose

    Thanks you all for the sincere answers. Please keep them coming.

    I am scared as hell, but I cannot stand the double life much longer. It gets tougher and tougher as time goes on to fake it all. The meetings and field service kill me!


  • freemindfade

    I have, somewhat slowly, but she knows I only go because I feel bad for her.

    Clearly she doesn't like it, but she is afraid of losing me so no matter what she's not going anywhere, but it does cause strain being JW and awake apostate for sure.

  • Sofia Lose
    Sofia Lose

    I notice it is the guys that have gone nuclear and it seems easier than if it is the woman that does it. Correct me if wrong on this.


  • Crazyguy
    I tried to share with my wife my findings on one subject that was in conflict with what the JW's taught. She ran from the room and called the elders. These people left their brains somewhere in life.
  • OneEyedJoe
    I notice it is the guys that have gone nuclear and it seems easier than if it is the woman that does it. Correct me if wrong on this.

    I think it just depends on your relationship how easy it is. The WT teachings can definitely have a way of training men to be overbearing and see themselves as the supreme leader of their household. Not all JW men aspire to be that, though, and hopefully that's not the case with your husband. That's definitely one element that could make this more difficult for women but I hope your husband gives you the proper respect that you deserve if/when you decide to be open with the fact that you no longer believe in the cult.

    It's also possible that you're getting responses from men here because we're all just suckers for a damsel in distress.

  • Sofia Lose
    Sofia Lose

    It is just super scary.

    I mean, financially I would be just fine, but I am up there in age. What if I get sick? I would lose everybody if I walked out of the Org.



  • Olivia Wilde
    Olivia Wilde

    Sofia Lose...

    Soo sorry your going thru this, but stay strong. .. i agree with one who said to bring up your doubts in family worship night but do it more like it was suggested, someone at wirk, etc asked you, "how do you know for sure that Jehovah chose your religion back in 1914-1919, & u responded to that person well we went thru a spiritual inspection based on the "quality" spiritual food being served at that time & that's why we say we were chosen by Jesus.." then u can ask ur hubby to help you research old watchtower & publications from the KH library & ask other older JWS if they have publications served during that time & by that hopefully he can also discover with you the TTAT, & if you cant find those publications express to ur hubby how important this information is to you both as JWs & reach to ithers if tgey have them so t he 2 of u can have a response to all who question our "truth"... that you want to be like Paul giving a public defense of your faith to those ask u asking it, quote the scripture, .... if he discovers he can't find anyone who has them, just say "that's odd, i would think that something soo important & historic in our history would be soo readily available to us in the KH library or ordered-requested from the WT so we can use that with others out in the ministry to prove we have the truth, don't you think it's strange?" ..... i find that works to get them thinking, I had one jw say that makes perfect sense.... seeding doubts with reasonING works best instead of throwing accusations it puts the hard core JW in defense where they don't listen to anything. ... Jesus did the same to his apostles & the pharises.... best wishes to you

  • mac n cheese
    mac n cheese

    Sofia Lose:

    That's what I wanted to do. I'm impatient by nature, especially when it comes to complete and utter BS. However, I took the advice of the bulk of the posters here and carefully planned my fade.

    You know your partner - you have a good instinct about how they react. Do you want to extricate both of you, still happily together? In my case, I KNEW my spouse would not respond with a direct hit or anything decisive. In the end, it took me 2-3 YEARS of constant support for us both to finally be inactive. It's taken another 6+ years for spouse to be ok with celebrating the holidays because he's all caught up on what his parents think. The only reason he's capitulating on that is that we've moved far away to a small town where nobody knows us...and FAR away from his parents.

    You've got a lot of good advice here - read, know your partner, and plan accordingly. Even then, it's life. And that rarely goes according to plan.

    Good luck!

    Mac n Cheese

  • Vidiot

    Sofia Lose - "What if I get sick? I would lose everybody if I walked out of the Org."

    Now, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but...

    ...regardless of whether you walk, fade, or end up DFed, get up off your ass and start building up a support system of friends outside the Org...

    ...'cause if you don't, you're kinda screwed.

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