How do I handle this?

by Phoebe 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • Phoebe


    A Little advice please.

    It's now 7 months since I stopped going to meetings. We still get regular calls by elders - at least every 2 weeks. I can handle them. But now something else, I don't know how to handle and I feel bad about it.

    A letter was pushed through my door. It was from a teenager in my congregation. I don't know her very well. Perhaps spoken to her about twice! But oh gosh, it was the sweetest letter. Told me how much she missed me, how much Jehovah loves me. How she looks for me at every meeting.

    Now the cynical me, says her mum and gran probably put her up to it. A few posts ago I mentioned her gran - who is my age - coming to my door and telling me repeatedly I was disobeying Jehovah. (She was the woman who reached over, touched my hair and told me to sort it out, if anyone remembers?)

    But the 'nice' me says ah, bless her heart, what a sweet thing to do.

    So, how do I respond to it? I can hardly tell this slip of a girl that I won't set foot in the hall ever again, that my brother got away with molesting me and the other zillion reasons I now know about this religion. Plus I am fading, I don't want to give anyone a reason to report me.

    So, do I just send a nice letter back, thanking her for her concern or what? What would you do?

  • ballistic

    Consider it a letter from the "cult mindset". Unless you want to return to it, throw it in the trash.

  • snare&racket

    I would assume the intent was good and send her a letter back expressing why you no longer feel it’s the truth. Tell her you care about her too.

    You may save a young girl from a horrific life.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    "Plus I am fading, I don't want to give anyone a reason to report me" - Spot on!! Reply and thank her for her loving concern, but simply tell her that you are dealing with private & personal issues which you pray about. I'm sure she'll accept your reluctance to provide specific details. If she doesn't - start to hear alarm bells!

    Discuss absolutely nothing about the org with any active J.W.'s, as their "loyalty" to the demonic cult will culminate in your suffering. Best wishes for you.

  • snare&racket

    Having left for the last 12 years, I just stopped playing their silly game and their silly rules. It’s all BS anyway and their authority and impact stops at the Kingdom Hall door.

  • Vanderhoven7

    TFG ditto

  • amicabl
    I have been out for less than a year and I only have a small number of family still in. My wife accepts that I am never going back and I anti witness to anyone that calls to speak to me. I agree with snare&racket's comments completely in my case. They are delusional and thay have no control over us. If I can help someone else I will and willingly.
  • cobweb

    There are 3 options and you've already been given all three. 1)Ignore it. 2)write back explaining all the reasons you don't feel you can be part of this false religion. 3)write an appreciate letter back not mentioning anything incriminating.

    The only bad choice in number 2 because the mother will take it straight to the elders & that is evidence against you.

    I'd say there's a good case for ignoring it if you've only spoken to her twice as its not a letter born of genuine feeling for you. Its a cult response in the sense that anyone leaving the group upsets ones peace of mind. But if you do feel the need, maybe choose a very small thank you card - very small lol, and simply thank them for their thoughts and how much you appreciate it. Don't attempt to explain - its not her business. Maybe quote an appropriate scripture about love or something - that could go down well.

    All the best Phoebe

  • Alive!

    I'll share what I'd do.....just to add to the play of ideas...

    I'd send a pretty little card to the girl, a thank you card or one of those cards that expresses appreciation for thoughtfulness.

    I'd write some words that do not focus on or mention the content of her note re meetings, being a witness - but on her personal qualities as a caring person.

    I'd finish by saying I'd keep her in my prayers to our Heavenly Father, I'd praise his kindness and tenderness toward me and how grateful I am for his kind guidance in my life.

    (If you don't feel that way regarding God you could leave that part out of course!

    I'd finish off with the following...

    ..... appreciative of the kindness and caring that I find in so many places in this busy world, ( and thank her for reminding you of that.) Or something along those lines. I'd keep the tone generous, sensitive to her feelings and self esteem, whilst not going anywhere near the 'witness' stuff.

    Just my thoughts 💐

  • just fine
    just fine

    Throw it away. They are using a child to emotionally engage you. It is a manipulation.

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