How do I handle this?

by Phoebe 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    It's like the sweet little Witness boy, dressed up in suit and tie, who stands on the householder's doorstep. He gives a heartfelt witness about Jehovah's kingdom and the paradise. The householder has a tear in her eye and accepts the child's offer of a tract.

    She's been set up for a return visit.

    Been there, done that.

    Wishing you the best!

  • Phoebe

    Thanks everyone! I knew you'd come through for me.

    I told one of my kids and they said: 'did you know her well, then?'

    'Not at all, only spoken to her a couple of times. Barely know her.'

    Mind you that pretty much sums up my interaction with the entire congregation as I was largely ignored by everyone -- my kids went to uni and my husband left the truth, I think I was classed as bad association.

    I don't think for one minute anyone cares whether I'm there or not and the only reason the elders are keeping tabs on me is because they know about what my brother did.

    Isn't it all just ridiculous??

    Ideally, I want to win the lotto and get the hell out of here!


  • dubstepped

    You don't have to win the lotto to leave. Install boundaries that keep them out. Or (and I can't remember your entire backstory) just disassociate and get distance that way. You have to create distance and it sounds like you're still playing their games. Maybe I'm missing something.

  • just fine
    just fine

    Best advice I was given is to separate my emotions from it and see it for what it is - emotional manipulation at its finest. Once you can see that it’s all BS, it frees you from their reach. When they do things like this - see it for what it is.

    Refuse to engage, my husband says that people make the mistake of treating JWs like they are normal people, they are not. They do not think like normal human people, it’s always about manipulation, to get you to come back, to get you to view the elders as relevant to your life etc.

    Dont fall for it.

  • freddo

    Hi "insert name"!

    Thanks for your caring message; I really appreciate it.

    Don't worry about me darling, I'm in a really good place right now and very happy with life and I hope you are too.

    Bye for now!


  • nugget

    I wouldn't respond. A fade is at risk if you interact with members of the congregation. You have doubts about the faith and witnesses are very sensitive to people who are not totally committed. You could potentially set off all sorts of warning bells especially if this person's relatives are already doubting your spirituality.

  • pbrow

    If you intend to fade just realize that you cannot help her.

    If you intend to take back your life and live how you want to live then tell it to her straight.

    Maybe your brick could be the first brick she sees taken out of the cult wall.


  • ToesUp

    Ignore it! If you don't want to out yourself, don't respond. I know it is hard. There are a lot of good people in the org but they will rat you out in a heart beat. Ignore it and any calls, visits, etc. They will forget about you eventually. Sad but true.

    You gotta make a clean break. Once you start opening up to them, they will report you. If you don't care about being DF' away. Good luck!

  • ShirleyW
    They are using a child to emotionally engage you. It is a manipulation.

    When I moved into my own apt my mother gave my ph number to one of the young sisters in the KH to call me so she could invite me to the hall. I told her when she called " when I used to see you at my mom's house you never came into living room to stop and have a convo with me, so why are you calling me like we're friends? She had to admit the above was true, it was just a sneaky ploy by mother, to whom I had a conversation about giving out my number !!

  • Moster

    Ignore it - dont engage.

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