How do I handle this?
by Phoebe 38 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
sparrowdown
It's either a trap to get you to out yourself or a bluff to get you to go back.
Do not engage.
-
faithnomore
I also had a very sweet sister I barely knew (her children knew my children) that continued to put very sweet notes on my door as well as sent me texts (yes I gave her my phone number).
I always responded to the texts (never the notes on my door) with "thank you for your concern" type stuff.
She eventually gave up. Ride it out.
-
Phoebe
dubstepped
I just want to be left alone but it just isn't happening. Elders visit every 2 weeks, sometimes twice in a week.
Yes, I'd DA I guess but I live in a teeny, tiny town my neighbours are JWs, I see JWs every single time I go out. I'm not sure I can handle them turning their backs on me just yet.
Plus, my brother and sister will throw a party if they hear I'm DA. They will say 'Jehovah got rid of her at last' (My brother and sister are uber JWs that are frankly, the nastiness people ever)
Why should I DA and give them that control over me? But then if I don't, they still have control, don't they?
Hence wanting to disappear!
-
pbrow
Phoebe,
Please reread your last couple sentences over and over again. They have almost complete control over you because you are too scared to do anything! I am not judging you, I have been in your shoes. Take the time that you need to take.
Please know this.... When you DA, you are making a clean, purposeful break. You are in no uncertain terms advising them that they have no control of you whatsoever and you do not wish to be associated with them.
You can sit in your house and be afraid. Cross the street when a jw walks by or look at the ground when you see one in the store but what kind of life is that??? I know its difficult but the feeling of taking back your power, pride and dignity is something that does not happen often in life. It is LIFE-CHANGING!!
Good luck and godspeed.
pbrow
-
dubstepped
Again Phoebe, you need boundaries. If you don't want to DA that's fine, but why are you engaging when the elders stop by? You can make it stop but it's up to you, not them. Tell them, in no uncertain terms, that you don't want their visits anymore and that if they come by you will no longer answer the door so they will waste their time and gas. You need space and are taking it.
If you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting. I'm not saying you should DA, though I personally believe it to be a great option, but I am saying that you are the reason you're getting harassed. You can stop it. Take your power back. Do what YOU want and stop letting toxic people dictate your life. I'm trying to empower you. Don't continue to be a victim of theirs. They instilled that in you, in me, etc. You aren't alone.
-
zophar
Phoebe
I feel so bad for you. It is so hard just to become an inactive JW and to just be left alone.
I don't know the teenagers motive for writing you and neither do any other of the posters here. Who knows, maybe she is secretly looking for someone to talk to about her own doubts. That is not likely, but one never knows. The thing is, you are a loving person. How do I know? Because if you weren't, the letter would not bother you at all and it would be easy to ignore, but you still care and that is because you are a good person.
Probably the best thing to do is to ignore it, although I thought the idea of a generic Thank You card could work too.
I'm happy for you that through all of this, you have managed to remain a caring person with feelings for others.
-
Xanthippe
Yes, I'd DA I guess but I live in a teeny, tiny town my neighbours are JWs, I see JWs every single time I go out. I'm not sure I can handle them turning their backs on me just yet.
What else is new! They've been ignoring you for years you said. Phoebe your husband's out, your kids are out. Who cares what these stupid people in their tin-pot cult think about anything!
They think the end of the world is coming and Jesus is going to rule a world with vegetarian carnivores. They're nuts. Live your life with your wonderful, intelligent family. Those great kids you raised!
I Da'ed in a tiny village BTW. After a while I didn't even notice them ignoring me, which must have been very annoying for them. 😀
-
Anders Andersen
I just want to be left alone but it just isn't happening. Elders visit every 2 weeks, sometimes twice in a week.
Tell the elders what you want. Nothing more, nothing less.
Dear John and Bob, I want you to stop calling me. Don't visit my house either. Bye.
Then hang up or close the door. End of conversation.
That's all. Don't give a reason, not even when they insist. Simply repeat as nauseam the bold part above.
Of course they will try and pressure you.
"Does that mean you don't want to be a JW anymore?"
No Bob, it means I want you to stop calling me and stop visiting me. Bye.
Practice this with someone you trust.
Take charge, don't let fools run or ruin your life and happiness. At least stand up to them to live in peace without being bothered twice a week.
If JW family inquires into any of this, tell them the elders were bothering you too often and you simply told them to stop that.
If anyone wants to make an appointment for you with elders, tell them 'no thanks, I'll call them if I need them. Don't (let them) call me'.
"No" is a complete sentence.
You don't need to DA to get rid of elders, and have your JW to shun you as per JW rules. In most cases it is enough to be clear while communicating with elders.