Have I changed?
Hi Mommy, I think you been very kind to me and I enjoy reading all your posts, MANGOES, I dunno I just never found people in org. who were half as good to talk to as MUCH as I like talking to everyone here,and thanks for your kind words during this time for me. nojw
That is a thought provoking post. There has been a lot of talk recently about how this forum has changed. It's a bit like any gathering of people, we are all so different and we all want to be accepted and in some way impress and be validated.
I started off being sincere and thoughtful and giving away something of myself but found that I was ignored in favour the more exiting and argumentative posters. I have tried humour at the risk of being naff. I have tried a more up-beat style to keep pace with the cool, with-it posters. I have probably failed and even considered starting again with a less boring name and identity and having some fun instead of trying to be sincere. I concluded that if I could not be myself then there was no point in wasting time posting here.
You have given a great deal of yourself, Wendy, genuine emotion and heartfelt response, which is appreciated by many here. It is difficult to know how much to give away, how much emotion to share, before people start to yawn. I guess you can't please everybody. Every one here is looking for something different and no one style will appeal to everyone. I am perceived as boring but I have a surprise for you - I really am as boring as I appear. You see that is my idea of a surprise. Exciting isn't it!
Sometimes it seems that some serious and well thought out threads are ignored in favour of half brained one liner insults that achieve an unbelievable number of replies. It's a jungle out there and we are all different animals. It's a case of - what are we looking for? I have had to ask myself - why am I here in the first place?
I think it is the willingness of those that do make genuine posts that make this a place worth visiting. All that glitters is not gold but you give pure gold. I hope you don't change.
I agree with Fred. You really need to grow up! If you take a good look around you will see that probably 90% of the posters here do not like you. Why don't you go somewhere else? We were just fine here without you before you decided to grace us with your presence.
I hate you I hate you I hate you!
rem, sarcastic class :)
Wendy, my guess is that you haven't really changed, but some posts on this forum just allowed you to see how you can react under such circumstances, and that makes you a step ahead of a lot of people who are still caught up in their cyber-drama. I think this is pretty common online, and it took me a while to learn not to take things personally online, because when it comes right down to it I don't know any of the people and they don't know me, unless I've been talking to them for a long time.
We've talked about this in some other threads on this board, but I think it's important to recognize that you are just reacting and not responding, because you're not going to break away from conditioning unless you see that first. As JW's we were taught to accept a set of doctrines and judge by that standard, without really giving much thought to the human element. Now I don't think we have to give up morality or our values, but I think the key is that it's important to distinguish between judging an idea and a person. Strictly speaking, all we have here are ideas, and quite frankly even though we have a lot more information to size up an individual in person we still don't know enough about them to judge them AS a person. This is not to say we close our eyes and pretend we have no idea of what kind of person they are, of course, but the point is to not get personally involved. Just imagine if a perfect stranger sent you a letter by snail mail, it's not addressed to you specifically and the content of the letter had some really nasty/stupid stuff which you disagree with. Can you see yourself corresponding with them to no end? It seems to me that would be just a bit silly and a waste of time, even though you may be a little curious. In fact, don't we call that stuff junk mail? So why is it any different online, even in a public forum? I can go into more detail on this because it's along the lines of the discussions we've been having in the Mental Health forum, but I think it can be summed up in one question: Is it worth your time and energy? The way we react to others can tell us something about ourselves, but certainly there's no point in letting it drag on when there is no meaningful exchange going on.
I always liked your thoughtful posts. I thought they were very useful to others. I am glad you are returning to your old style of boring thoughtfulness. I just did a boring, thoughtful thread myself recently which didn't get much comment. Those who did comment, however, put a lot into it. (I am referring to the thread, Five stages, etc.)
I think your recent anger may partly be attributed to stress in our own life. I know that when I am stressed I tend to divert it away from its source and on to others. This seems to be a human tendency. Also, I know that engaging in activities such posting here, diverts me from dealing with important issues at home, which is maladaptive on my part.
I give lessons in "How to Be a Jerk," if you'd like to hone your skills!
I've only been coming to this site for about 2 months. I made my first post about 1 month ago with my story even though I was very nervous to do so. I didn't know what kind of reaction I would get and was afraid of being put down and told to grow up or stop whining or someother bit of nastiness. Yet I just had to get it off my chest and move on so I took the plunge.
You were among the first ones who answered me, and you were so kind. You gave me my first ((((((HUGS)))))). You maybe don't realize how much your kindness came across loud and clear and it was so important to me at that vulnerable time for me. Your posts reflect your honesty and sincerity and I hope you don't stop being that way. I was going to email you this "Thanks" but this thread came up so I'm printing here instead.
I am also touched and my heart cries for some posts, and I don't know what to do with that emotion as well.
Please just use that emotion to keep saying your kind words with the empathy that you show. You probably have no idea how much it helps those who need it.
I'd like to say more but have to sign off now for awhile but please know that you have helped me with just those few words to me and the
other many posts you have made to others.
In the Indiana Jones Movies, the one that involved finding the "cup of Christ, just before choosing the "cup" the old kodger, protector of the cup tells Indiana to, "choose wisely".
The point? Choose the threads to read and respond to wisely. Not all are worth clicking the mouse button to read. Some are down right nasty. I practice this method. I look at the first couple of lines and if it does'nt appeal to me, I move on. Those worthy of my comments, like this one get my attention. You are a very kind and caring person. I always enjoy your comments here and in the chat. Just be yourself Wendy, its whom we've come to know and love.
"post edited for spelling, though I don't know why, I can't even spell"
Sitting on the Wrong Side of the Fence Class
You said to me a month ago on my first post, “My brother my heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers. I am glad to hear that you will be sticking around, and look forward to your posts”. If you remember I expected a serious attack, yet almost everyone was kind. You stood out, Mommy.
What we have been through that brings us here has been hard, but this cyber world is not perfect either. Some mean things have been said by some ‘newbies’, and I admit it made Me glad I mostly lurk. Maybe caution is a good thing, but silence or withdrawal is not. There are those who, as you say, just ‘say things that hurt’. But we need to lift ourselves above their bad intent and ‘allow ourselves to be wronged’. ( 1 cor 6:7 just the principle) You’re a good person. Don’t let us all be robbed of another good person by those who want to hurt.
And anyone who wants to hurt good people, who does that link you with: Jesus, or the Pharisees who attacked him??? I suggest you try doing what Paul suggested in Eph. 4:15 (I’m sorry if I’m sounding preachy, I’m a lot, lot newer at this than Mommy) “But speaking the truth, let us by love GROW UP in all things into him who is the head, Christ.”
Yes, you have changed, for the better! From what I have seen, you are a sincere poster on this forum and your insight is growing. You add reason and understanding to the topics I have seen you post on.