Have I changed?

by mommy 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • patio34

    Dear "Mommy,"

    Sorry! But I just have trouble calling anyone mommy at my age!

    Variety is the spice of life and everyone contributes to our small village here. I love the exchange of ideas and experiences. This board has been such a help to me in my exit.

    There are some persons' posts I always read and yours is one of them. So, don't belittle your large contribution to the group personality.

    Another thing I tend to disagree with in this thread is the thought that it's hard to know someone via the net. In some respects, reading what one has written is a very honest way to know a person. Look at all the letters in the past that we know people from, not to mention their books.

    A written message is thought about and it is what the author really wants to express. Not some glib "Hi-how-are-you-let's-do-lunch' kind of thing. So there may be an advantage to writing.

    "I'd rather go thru life with questions I can't answer than with questions I can't ask (or answers I can't question)."


  • Esmeralda

    Sweet Wendy,

    I haven't known you very long, and already you're one of my favorite people on the board. I look
    for your posts and always learn from them, and admire your warmth and kindness to others.

    When I started posting on H2O about 15 months ago, I tried so hard to keep up with every
    post and every person there. I wanted to be the universal crying towel, comfort zone, friend
    and confidant to everyone there who needed one. I even signed up to be a moderator.

    What happened? I burned out. Quickly. It wasn't that I ran out of compassion for others, that
    I didn't care anymore or let the idiots of the board (and there are idiots on every board) get to me.

    Looking back on it now I think it was the whirling dervish of emotions I was going through all
    at once. As JW's a lot of us supressed our feelings for so long, and god knows that especially
    we ladies weren't allowed to have opinions. So this freedom of being able to go onto a board,
    tell someone exactly what I think of their post/opinions, etc etc, was a bit intoxicating at first.

    Then I realized, sometimes its better not to waste your breath. You have to pick your battles.
    Rick at H2O once posted to me about the fact that I was "swimming with sharks" and over time,
    I would learn to wear a suit of armor to fend them off. In a way, I have.

    COMF, the wise (yes that is your new title now, COMF: "COMF The Wise ;) ) warned me about
    giving away all of myself until there was nothing left. I learned a lot from that.

    You very well may have changed from visiting the message board. Likely you've heard more
    horror stories of people who've had their lives destroyed by the Borg than you ever imagined.
    Sometimes it gets to be too much. It does for me, even now after so long. Sometimes I have to
    take a few days to catch my breath.

    I give all the sincere support I can give to folks who need it: then when I'm tired, I say "I love
    you all, but I have to take a few days to put the wind back in my sails" and then I do. I sleep,
    read books if I can, just do anything to take my mind off the aftermath of being raised
    one of Jehovah's Witness.

    I know that I have changed since I started posting on these forums. But I wouldn't go
    back to the way I was for anything. I was isolated, I didn't believe that anyone could know
    how I felt. Now I know otherwise, and that has been worth the tears, sleepless nights, and anger
    that I didn't know where to put. Maybe you feel the same way.

    Reading The Four Agreements really helped me. Yoga helps me. Being with my husband and
    child helps me, as does the comfort and comaraderie I have with many here. You have to find
    what works for you, and then elevate yourself to a priority so that you take time to do the things
    that soothe you.

    I have gotten back so much more as far as friendship than I have given, that is something
    that I can tell you for sure.

    You have to do what is best for you...step back or stay in and decide which posts are worth
    your time and replies...as others have said not everything on any board will be worth reading.

    Just do your best, and remember to take care of Wendy while you're trying so hard to
    take care of everyone else. I care about you, and I hate to see someone so sweet
    be so hard on herself.

    Hope this makes sense, I'm not firing on all cylinders today *lol*


    p.s. as a nearly five year veteran of the internet and chat rooms, I can tell you that there is
    SO much to what Think4oneself said about the problems of not being able to see expressions
    and hear tone of voice when talking to people online. Justin and I have been through this
    with a lot of online friends over the years. It's hard, sometimes you have to repeat things
    several times to clarify what you mean. You get used to it after awhile...

    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • mommy

    I don't know what to say. I am so touched by all of the comments here. I honestly didn't start this thread for a pep talk or for the outpouring of love you have all shown. I don't know what to say.
    I would love to explain to each of you how special you are to me, and how your words have touched me. But I do not like attention, and wish this thread buried now.

    Today I went to my favorite place. It is my special spot, I call it "The top of the world." I have gone there thousands of times, day and night. Everytime I go there I remember the times I went before, and memories come back to me. Sometimes I went for silence to be with my thoughts, sometimes for fun. I have picniced there and watched my children play in the grass, from when they were so small, to crawling in it, and now running around(it is getting harder to keep up) Everytime I go I have such a refilling of my energy, and my body is at peace. I needed this today, and so thankful I went.
    I know I have changed since coming to this forum. I have read so much, and allowed myself to be affected by all of you. This is truly a wonderful thing. I thank you all for being here, and am proud to call all of you friends.

  • mommy
  • Uni girl
    Uni girl

    Dear Wendy,

    After readind azazzels comments about you, I felt compelled to write to you personally because I felt that her criticisms were unfair, I hope that you got it.
    When I began lurking around this site, I was impressed by your comments and although sometimes they were forthright they were never cruel...Don't let a few people get you down. As you can see from the response many people enjoy reading your comments

    Just to cheer you up

    Jen xx

  • Introspection

    I just wanted to comment on Patio's message, I also think you can get to know others on a deeper level online. Having been online since I was about 12 I know it's a meaningful connection for me. Basically, I think it's a matter of self disclosure. How much and how honestly you share determines the quality of the exchange, and I think it's evident that many on this board have really poured their hearts out in this way.

  • emyrose

    Hi Mommy,
    I think you are a nice person and have enjoyed
    reading your thoughts. Perhaps some of those
    who have been rude and nasty to others are just
    going thru post-cult trauma. Or they just had a
    bad day or week, etc. Or they are just mean by nature.
    Whatever the case I think its great you brought it up.
    Now people will think twice before being rude. As for
    your change in character on the net, I think its not a
    change but just simply that dif. circumtances produce
    dif. reactions. Don't you say things on the phone that
    you might not say in person or vise versa? Don't feel
    bad about behaving a bit dif., I'm sure you have good
    intentions even when venting some anger.
    Your friend, Emyrose

  • Esmeralda

    I know you said you wanted this thread buried...but I had to thank you for sharing
    that picture. I've saved it, and when I need a reminder that the world is beautiful,
    I will look at it and smile thinking of you and your children enjoying the view there.


  • outnfree


    Your posts are some of the best reasons why I come back to this board again and again.



  • Tina

    Dear Wendy,
    I love you just as you are!!
    I see you getting more perceptive about posts.
    To echo others thoughts,we can't give away all or ourselves here.
    Burnout can happen here,just as in r/l.
    Sift thru the posts,,,,just do what you can.
    Sometimes,posters will violate our boundaries. trolls and those who can't discern trolls do this deliberately. I know,I've made the error in getting enmeshed with them.......shore up your boundaries sweetie. Protect yourself.......I enjoy your posts and the support I see you give......you're one of the good reasons to be here!,luv and hugs Tina

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