Let's Play Jesus Dress Up!

by Valis 60 Replies latest jw friends

  • ThiChi

    vanilia: Hey, chill out. If you dont agree or like this post, you know what to do. Beyond the humor factor, there is a very powerful point here too.

    It seems that everyone makes Jesus what they want him to be. JWS: Jesus as a King ready to kill billions. Some religions depict Jesus with no standards at all..............

    "There is no Jesus like show Jesus!"

    Edited by - thichi on 4 February 2003 12:33:20

  • Valis

    I posted this yesterday and I think it speaks to those who have their own uneasy vanity and the concept of god all balled up into one uppity mess. One of Bertrand Russell's quotes about god and belief from Prof. Robert Enger's collection of Russell.

    I observe that a very large portion of the human race does not believe in God and suffers no visible punishment in consequence. And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that he would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt his existence. (W.A.)


    District Overbeer

  • ThiChi
    CH Just like our Lord Jesus.
    MW WHAT?
    MW ?? SEE YOU, MATE! ??
    [MW beats hasty retreat, as CH carries on gettin' down an' boogyin']
    MW Hey, you - what about you last week, trying to get off with Stuart?
    MM Oh, I was smashed, OK?
    CH Yeah, but Stuart?
    MM Mm. But then, in walked Diane with my old ex - Colin.
    MW You should have seen her face!
    MM I was so embarrassed, I nearly died!
    AW Yes, that's what it was like for our Lord Jesus, wasn't it? Because he
    died on the cross. For all our sins - didn't he?
    [all move away quickly, leaving AW grinning on her own]
    EW Hi! I'm Ed Winchester. An' I'd like to take a moment of your time to talk
    to you about the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ...
    CH ...and the eyes were - sort of - deep set, you say?
    AW Yes, and er, he had short blond hair.
    CH Mm-hm.
    PW Right. And steel-rimmed glasses you say, madam?
    AW Yeah, that's right.
    CH Mm. So... did he look something like this?
    [pause as CH reveals his sketch - it's a long-haired bearded face]
    AW That looks nothing like the man who attacked me.
    CH No. It's Jesus.
    PW He's our saviour, madam.
    M1 ...and two glasses of house wine, while we're waiting.
    PW Certainly, sir. The white or red?
    M1 Erm... what are they like?
    PW Er, well, the white, sir - it's an Australian Chardonney. It's very light.
    Quite fruity.
    M1 Right.
    AW And the red?
    PW The red represents the blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ, madam. It's for
    our sins.
    SD Well, Burke, that's the first down and ten for the Braves, and Carl Burrows -
    the big quarterback - was totally shut down. He couldn't go forwards,
    backwards, or any which ways. He was a man alone out there, Burke. He
    didn't have nobody to turn to.
    JT Well, if you look at the play again, Dick, I think you'll see there was some-
    body he could have turned to.
    SD Who was that, Burke?
    JT It was our Lord, Jesus Christ. Who died on the cross for all our sins, and is
    always there for us when we need him.
    SD Way ta go, Burke!
    JT So put your hand on the screen...
    SD ...and send all your money to us, the Reverend Dick Dixon...
    JT ...and me, Dr Burke McCormack.
    *2 Sportscasters for Jesus!
    [AW walks into a police station. PW and MW are at the front desk]
    AW Hello. Er - excuse me, can you help me? I-I've just come from the park.
    Someone just came up and took off with my dog!
    PW Right, yes. Hold on a minute, madam. Er, George? There's a lady here
    says she's looking for eternal salvation in the Lord.
    MW Another convert, Sarge?
    AW I-I-I didn't say that! I said, someone came up and took off with my dog!
    PW Right. Scratch that, George - she's changed 'er mind.
    [slight pause]
    PW A dog you say, madam? Right, what's it's name?
    AW It's a she. She is called Jess. Jess.
    PW Right, so that's J - E - S - U - S.
    [slight pause]
    AW No - she's called Jess, and you've just written Jesus.
    PW [chortling] So I have. Still - it's a lovely word, isn't it?
    [slight pause as MW joins PW at the desk. both look up to the heavens]
    PW Jesus.
    MW Jesus. He died for all our sins you know, madam.
    [slilght pause as PW snaps out of it, and starts taking notes again]
    PW Er, right - sorry, madam. So, you say you were in the park when you lost,
    er, little Jesse. Right.
    [slight pause as PW's face lights up with a sudden revelation]
    PW Would that be the park... by the church, madam?
    AW No, the one by the lake.
    MW Yeah, but you can see the Church Of Our Lady from there though - can't
    you, madam?
    PW Can you? In that case, madam - would you have been able to hear the
    faithful singing from there? Something like this:
    [PW twangs a tuning fork on the edge of the desk to get his harmony]
    PW "Kum-by-yah, my Lord, kum-by-yah, kum-by-" Would you have been able
    to hear anything like that, madam?
    AW Erm, I-I-I suppose so.
    PW Mm. And if you had heard it, how loudly would they have been singing?
    Would it have been sort of, [quietly] "Kum-baya, my Lord, kum-baya" or
    more sort of...
    [MW steps up to PW's side for a hearty duet]
    PW Mm?
    [AW is slightly flustered by now, and gets drawn in...]
    AW All right, well, erm, look - if they had been singing, from where I was, it
    would have been about as loud as, [fairly softly] "Kum-by-yah, my Lord,
    kum-by-yah, kum-by-y-"
    [AW realises she's been suckered when PW and MW whip out an acoustic
    guitar and tambourine and start to join in...]
    *2 "Kum-by-yah, my Lord, kum-by-yah, kum-by-yah, my Lord, kum-by-yah,

    OH LORD, KUM-BY-YAH!"[JT comes in from the back room]JT Another convert for the Lord, Les?MW Could be, Ted.JT Hallelujah![pause]PW Now, madam, this fellow that took your dog - can you give us adescription, please?AW Er, yes - he was quite tall, and had sort of, erm, long straggly hair, oh-an-and a sort of a beard.[PW lifts his head from writing. AW half guesses what's coming next...]PW Listen up, George - it does sound a little bit like Jesus, doesn't it?[AW's patience has nearly run out, now...]AW Look, are you two going to do anything to help me?[PW and MW smile quickly...]*2 Yes![...but AW's got the measure of them now]AW And don't say, "Yes - we're going to pray".[slight pause as PW and MW look crestfallen]PW Ah.MW No - it's all right. Erm, now did this man-[MW holds his arms out wide and looks joyful and triumphant]MW Oh, my goodness! I've just been overwhelmed with the love of our Lord![pause before an approving PW says...]PW It's lovely when that happens, isn't it?AW Look, I don't wish to appear cynical, but SOMEBODY HAS STOLEN MY DOG,and I want to know IF YOU'RE GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT![PW shuffles some papers on the desk and picks one out]PW Er, well, actually, madam, erm - there's something here. Apparently wearrested someone earlier today, who answers to the description you justgave us.[AW suddenly brightens]AW Oh, but that's MARVELLOUS news!PW [chortling] Yeah. And even better news - we forgave him and let him go.[PW and MW smile at AW, who doesn't look best chuffed]
  • Valis
    If we posted pictures of the astronaunts dying on the space shuttle Columbia with a "dress-up" theme, some people would find it offensive and tasteless.

    Mary I know what you are trying to say, but I think that is a poor comparison....the astronauts died for something very real and tangible... not because they thought they were the the saviour of mankind or the son of god per se....no serious role model for humanity has been that delusional for a good long while.


    District Overbeer

  • Shutterbug

    Now I get it Valis, it's funny when delusional people die a very horrible and painful death. Only to those with a very sick mind, pal. Bug

  • funkyderek
    it's funny when delusional people die a very horrible and painful death.

    Well, it is when it was mostly made up, happened thousands of years ago and billions of people base their lives on it! It's freakin' hilarious!

  • Valis

    shutter...I didn't use that example and you mistake my point. I was referring to Mary's comparison, which I found to be lacking merit. Yes let us talk about growing up my friend. So you want to get offended...OK and you can call me sick if you'd like...have anything more important than this to be self righteously indignant about? I find humor in almost anything..some of it darker than others, but that's probably the difference between you and I shutter...I have grown up and learned that taking one's self too seriously leads to the same place from whence we came. A life led humorless, with the serious cloud of guilt and fear looming all the time, and a general disdain for other's opinions because ours is so way more important and the moral high ground. If you can't make light of the very abysmal thing that religion and its iconography have come to mean then I feel sorry for you.


    District Overbeer

  • ashitaka

    Frankly, I think loving and praying to a God that ordered his people to dash infants heads on rocks is pretty damn sick.


  • Shutterbug

    Vanilia - I really hope that you are able to see that this board is a free expression of thought, and you are able to take or leave what you don't like

    I am going to assume that I have a "right to free expression of thought." It is you that is missing the point my friend. Mary's post was right on target, suffering is suffering rather it is Jesus Christ or Donald Duck, or the shuttle crew doing the suffering. To make fun of any suffering shows a complete lack of maturity or perhaps a mind that needs a course correction. I'm not taking myself too seriously, I didn't come up with this garbage in the first place, you did, and I take you damn seriously..

    Ashitaka, this may sound strange but I agree with you. However, it has nothing to do with the point I'm trying to make here.

  • Angharad


    Why don't people get so worked up about other fictional characters?

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