New Inactive One Saying Hello to all

by Lostwun 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • Bonsai
    Welcome! Hope your hubby can eventually see the light, too. I remember how hard it was on my wife when I quit, cold turkey, last fall. Now she's by my side! Take it slow, keep showing patience, love and respect to your hubby and good things will happen!
  • Half banana
    Half banana
    So good to hear from newbies who have learned TTATT (the truth about the truth) welcome to the real world of freed ex JWs! It is very good for you that your husband can at least acknowledge your change of mind even if he cannot as yet understand it. Yes give it time, let him see that you are happy to be yourself and not the creature of the cult... here we all know how it feels, the new world of reality, it takes a while for it to sink in and hubby will watch as you grow as a person and how happy that makes you. I hope he follows. We're all gunning for you.
  • Dumplin

    "I feel like i received a virtual hug when i needed it the most"

    MANY hugs and more to come. I just joined myself not long ago after lurking for many months on various "apostate sites". But I so far have found this to be a tight-knit and compassionate bunch of human beings who understand what each other has been through and are here to not only support each other, but to laugh with you, cry with you, and not let you go through this alone.

    I too send you greetings and hugs. :)

  • Diogenesister

    Lostwon, Hi, I expect you are in the states. I am in the UK, but I believed very much and didn't realise the truth until my 40's so I am glad you seem to have youth on your side.

    Don't rush things, is there any way you and hubby could go to couseling so that you can discuss things that are upsetting you both in a "safe"enviroment.If you find a therapist who knows a bit about cult mind control it may help to gently open his eyes to some of the thought stopping processes the mind utilizes to ease feelings of cognative dissonance

    I wish you good luck and love❤

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Welcome Lostwun !

    Oh I remember so well that sick ache in my stomach when I knew I was leaving ,and so anxious on how my husband and family would react.

    Do take it slow . I rushed it ,and it really scared him . We love each other very much ,but he equated leaving the JW's as leaving him . Over some tearful discussions I finally made it clear I was devoted to him ,but could not follow an organization I no longer believed in.

    My best advice would be to start rebuilding your social network . Make date nights with your husband to strengthen your relationship .Find a hobby or volunteer group you can get involved with that you can do while he is away at meetings .

    It is really hard at first ,but once the fear and guilt starts wearing off you will find it is pretty great to be free!

    If you would like to personal message any one on here look at the top of the page .There is a letter symbol for mail . Click on a users name and send a pm if you want . I will send you one now !

  • Ding


    You're among friends here.

    You wrote, "I always struggled with feelings of never being good enough."

    Even though they won't admit it, 99% of JWs feel this way.

    The organization WANTS them feeling this way in order to keep them attending meetings, donating money, and going out in service: The end is so close... the one who endures to the end will be saved... UNDESERVED kindness, etc.

  • LisaRose

    Welcome to the forum! Congrats on finding out the truth about the truth. The bible says the way to everlasting life is a cramped and narrow road, well I say the way out of a cult is a narrow and cramped road and few find it.

    It's great that your husband respects your view, that is very hopeful. As many have said, take it slow. Imagine if he saw it first and tried to get you out, your defenses might have come up and prevented you from seeing it. The Watchtower brainwashing is so thorough, it will take time. Look for opportunities to ask a few leading questions here or there, but for right now, chill. Enjoy the freedom to think what you want and looking Kat things with new eyes.

  • whathappened
  • possum

    Welcome Lostwun! Be patient, Troubled Mind makes it plain that she was leaving an organisation not her husband...Including a quote illustrating similarities of high control cults

    When your own thoughts are forbidden, when your questions are not allowed and our doubts are punished, when contacts with friendships outside of the organization are censored, we are being abused, for the ends never justify the means. When our heart aches knowing we have made friendships and secret attachments that will be forever forbidden if we leave, we are in danger. When we consider staying in a group because we cannot bear the loss, disappointment and sorrow our leaving will cause for ourselves and those we have come to love, we are in a cult… If there is any lesson to be learned it is that an ideal can never be brought about by fear, abuse, and the threat of retribution. When family and friends are used as a weapon in order to force us to stay in an organization, something has gone terribly wrong.”
    Deborah Layton, Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story of Life and Death in the People's Temple

    My husband left before me (it took me quite along time to catch up and some counselling and he had to be very patient and discreet) and despite my fears he actually became a more balanced chilled kinder persons who I come to understand loved me unconditionally no religious tags attached. All that fear around "good and evil" black and white thinking and "us and them" paralyzes you. Despite the threats of "where else will you go?" terrible consequences if you leave. from large witness family.... my husband and I have still got strong moral base are not drug addicts or alcoholics.....there is a good life possible post cult hang in there... Steve Hassan a leading expert on cults information at JWVICTIMS. ORG also has a good example of The Bite Model 'Behavior,Information, Thoughts and Emotions helps understand how abusive Jw are and the difficulty leaving....

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    Congratulations, lostwun! You have just begun a new adventure in your life! A thrilling one!

    My husband and family and I have left the org in recent years as we too could not take the hypocrisy, failed predictions, lying, pedophilia and lack of love. We endured this organization many years before we saw the light /607 b.ce, but when we did? we were out! My husband came to the conclusion first, he had started to look at older books that a friend had collected as a hobby, and hubby had always wanted to read them.... OMG, if you think the WT is a brain drain, try reading things from the 1800's and early 1900's "The Finished Mystery"....

    In 2011, when the WT did 2 articles on 607, we did the grease board thing and new thata 1914 was wrong, which means '1919, the year the chosen were chosen' was wrong also. They could not be God's organization.

    But when I read in the Finished Mystery the concoctions they went thru to prove the printery was exactly so many furlongs from where the book was written, and take into consideration the Hoboken tunnel being worked on...... " I knew they (the WTBTS) were numerologists... simply changing numbers, dates, events to fit their scheme.... I cried...

    Back on point: Having friends and contacts is soooooooo important....

    Spending time with your husband, and creating a network outside JWville is sooo important... Can you BOTH go to classes (dancing?) (tennis?) (ping pong?) (surfing?) together? Get involved with a group of people, and learn to enjoy life. That will definitely help HIM too!

    Even if you do things together at home, build your relationship....

    Does he like sports? go to an event! Music? go to a concert?

    Build memories outside the BORG. I think THAT is one of the most important things you can do.... Love each other, be there for each other... Realize you do not need the BORG to be happy.

    Hugs, Cha Ching!

    PS... I agree with EVERYONE here... Do not, absolutely do NOT talk about this to ANY one... No matter how much they seem to be your friend, even your mom....nope, they will start shaking, turn into blank faced, no thinking allowed, scared people. I had friends for over 30 years, and they could not even 'discuss' why Sodom and Gomorrah were going to be resurrected, not, yes, no, yes, no........ Even tho they talk to people out in service, they could NOT even THINK about discussing it with me... It literally scared them out of their socks! It was as tho they had seen a ghost!

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