New Inactive One Saying Hello to all

by Lostwun 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • fleshyheadedmutant

    Welcome to the forum.

    My husband and I are out together, so others may have valuable advice for you on that part. I would just say to be patient. You are in a difficult situation. There is no way to just leave the JWs as we know. At this time don't say anything to anyone about your beliefs or decisions.

    Hoping the best for you. Be patient with hubbie...this is uncharted territory for him, too.

  • Lostwun

    Xanthippe you got a point there, not to be in a rush and its so true! I know i shouldn't But I will admit its hard because all my research has truly opened my eyes to this organization and all i want more is to just share everything with my mate like we do everything else but I realize i just can't and its so hard!!

    Thats why i do appreciate having an virtual sounding outlet here or else i think i would go crazy! lol

  • Lostwun
    fleshlyheadedmutant I'm so happy to hear you have your mate out with you. :) I pray eventually my husband will come around but for now I'm cautious like a serpent with my actions and careful not to say anything to anyone. It was so hard coming out to my husband but i am so thankful that he was so understanding because ive read of so many peoples experiences on here where they were'nt so lucky :( and it makes me sad. I've contemplated telling my mother but i don't think she would take it well. we are very close. So for now i'm stuck in my own bubble but i will posting more here.
  • Magnum
    Hey. Welcome. I think there's hope for your husband. A few years ago, JWs would have said that I would never leave the religion, but here I am.
  • ToesUp


    Welcome! So glad to hear so many are learning TTATT. We left 2+ years ago.

    Move slow with your husband, don't rush it. It's A LOT to absorb. We too were born in's (my dad an Elder).I know what you mean by the spot light on you growing up. It stinks.

    Take it slow. Don't tell ANYONE in the congregation why you are not attending. Use the not feeling well, depressed, busy excuse. It's none of anyone's business. I know that is hard living in a small/close knit town.

    Keep slowly trying to plant those little seeds of doubt with your husband. You never know.

    Hang in there and keep us posted on your progress.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    Welcome LostWun. You're in good company here.
  • SecretSlaveClass
    Welcome Lostwun. Already you can see the sort of genuine, compassionate advice you'll get here. It truly is a great community of folks. We're all listening and eager to help!
  • clarity

    LostWon many are leaving are in good company! Huge welcome to you. Look forward to hearing more.

    You might like this video by Christian Katja, they have just left wt recently and are a lovely couple!


  • dubstepped

    Welcome! I joined in here 6 months ago, and was ahead of my wife in the desire to fade. She wasn't defensive, at least not openly, but our journey went very quickly. We just send letters of DA in last week. From being scared to death to read on an "apostate" site to joining in and now DA'd.

    My advice, as others have said, is to take it slow. If your husband trusts you and your opinions and feelings on things he may eventually be moved to look into what you're saying. Don't push him too fast. A good idea is not to pick on things, but to let him wake up on his own. When literally asleep, it is much more pleasant to wake up on one's own than to have something abruptly wake them up. Try pulling someone's eyelids up while they're sleeping and see what the reaction is. You were allowed to wake up on your time, so give him that chance.

    The last 6 months has been both the hardest time in our lives and the most freeing. Would I do it again? Heck yes. Neither my wife nor I asked to see the truth about "The Truth" but we both noticed things over the years and had experiences that built up that we couldn't ignore. We saw things that didn't reflect Jehovah and that made us upset. We saw contradictions and hypocrisy. And maybe most of all, what we did NOT see was love. Control, yes, but love, no. I no longer have the problems with anxiety that plagued me for years. My wife no longer has to feel like she's never good enough. It is so freeing, and we're so blessed to make it out together. But it wasn't easy even then. So, take your time, and don't be like a new JW that can't hold back and that tells everyone how wrong they are. Bide your time, be tactful, and perhaps your husband can be won without a word, as the scriptures say. Be a good example as you find greater happiness and he may be attracted to it. Feel free to point things out if he asks, or if something really needs to be said, but pick and choose your battles. We had many serious discussions during which I laid a foundation of the trust that we had built over the years and asked her to look at what I was finding, to see that I had no malice and was simply hurt by things I had seen and learned and wanted to see what she thought. We discovered much of this together, looking for the "truth" that we had always been promised. I hope that you two get to make some discoveries together as well.

    Take care, and best wishes on your journey forward. It will be hard, but it will also be worth it.

  • Lostwun

    dubstepped I really liked your analogy on not pulling someones eyelids but letting them wake up on their own. It made me chuckle but yes that is true and i realize i will have to step back and not overwhelm him with what i have learned but let him wake up for himself.

    Many Congrats to you and your wife for taking that leap and DA. Hopefully one day i will be strong enough to do the same and with my husband by my side. I can so relate on that "freeing" feeling that you described you and your wife having after leaving the org.

    I too feel so liberated! I find that i have more mental peace outside of the Org than when i was ever in. I don't struggle with all the anxiety that i had and feelings of never being good enough anymore and that within itself tells me that there is something very wrong with this organization when so many within are struggling with depression issues and other deep-seated problems. I truly hold the Organization responsible for the problems that millions face both mentally and physically.

    Thank you for your input and thank you to all that have taken time to read my story and respond. I feel like i received a virtual hug when i needed it the most. :)



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