Shakita, You are right about moving on if you don't like the tone of a post. But for a while, this board's tone was just getting pretty cantankerous..Every once in a while we all get caught up in an issue that we feel strong about.My opinion (since some want to know) is that we shouldn't be a-holes if we disagree.
Does Our Arguing Scare People Off???
by minimus 67 Replies latest jw friends
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link
Some excellent points made here to which I would like to add:
I mentioned in an earlier post on the board that I had tried to get a doubting dub interested in reading here. Whilst wishing to exit the borg he did not wish to exit the Christian religion and that is where the problem lies.
He felt that the atheists had a fairly strong grip and seemed to shout the loudest. Anyway, it wasnt for him. It was not the arguing that put him off.
Another point that he noted was that long time posters with big titles and big numbers after their names we able to freely sprout rubbish for which a newbie or short time poster got hammered for.
I thought the observations were quite interesting.
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minimus
interesting observations, link. Now today if your friend looked at the board, he might say after reading page one," these people are DEEP."
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Sentinel
Min,
I believe that anyone finding their way out of the JW mindset, will be frightened by just about everything. Of course this depends upon how serious they were and how long they were borg.
Seeing all this all this free expression from lots of former JW's might actually shock them. For one thing, aren't we all supposed to be rolling in the gutter of sin, unable to function, let alone be fulfilled and happy?
I do agree that some of the flame wars are a negative that we all have to endure, but if someone is really interested, they will be able to overlook some things and pull out the good they find.
We sometimes refer to ourselves as Apostates, but I have to say, I don't believe that is truly accurate. Being an apostate, is someone who is still in the congregation, and who is defiantly trying to sway the members from the inside out. Most of us are out already. Our mission is to proclaim the real "truth" and to survive. Those that are still in may be quietly trying to discuss issues or get questions answered, but I don't see this as apostacy.
I believe that it is levity that some of us just relent and call this an apostate forum, because that's what the JW's believe it is. They need to understand the true meaning. Yes, we are here to be helpful, to show love and give encouragement, and prove that all is not lost when one leaves (da's or is df'd). Life is good and we have just as much right to have a good and happy life as anyone else. We are tired of being labeled, shunned and rejected by family and friends, just for deciding that we don't want to be a JW any longer. It's not that we left so we could sin or be evil. We left because we don't believe the teachings. Many of us were baptised young, and then were punnished later as adults who disagreed with the teachings.
We are tired of having our self-worth dragged through the mud, while the pompous JW's look upon us as "less than" worthy of life itself. We are tired of being judged and manipulated because of emotional ties. We can't even have bible discussions or speak of god or any bible subjects, because they fear our influence so much.
We are free, and we are proud to be free. We may have to work through some personal issues, but because we are coming out of a cult, that is understandable. We are damaged by the JW concepts, and we have to learn how to get past all of that and move forward. So, the mixture of these ones on here, newbies and seasoned members are all here basically for the same things.
Love and Light
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wednesday
Mrs. shikata(x sp)
I do resemble salley field quite a bit but for reasons of privacy (trying to not get da or df)did not wat to post my real pic. So i went looking for avatars that and found one of her so i used it. I changed my mind now and have something else as pic.
I just wanted to say that a poster said that some of us are a miserable jw still inside. Of course we are. After i read Gary Bussleman(sp) posts over at freemiinds, that is exactly what he said he was. he was raised a jw and when he left he had no "other" personality to go back to. All he had was the jw . So all the deprogramers who try and bing back your pre-cult personality would not work in that situation. It required that he actually re-invent himself and put on a new personality. Some of us-myself included are having to do like that.
When i see hatred and abusive speeh i soemetimes think the jw must be right-apostates have nothing to offer-they just want to complain about the org.but there are some really nice people here and i cry soemtimes when i see their stories. I know they have been hurt and feel pain. I want to be here to be with others who are like me..In a very large support group there are going to be people in all stages of recovery.. No one should ridicule another-even if he is still a miserable jw still inside.
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Tashawaa
As a newbie, and a "lurker" for a time, I always found the arguments interesting. I've learnt alot about other's opinions, whether I agree or not, and feel I can post my views. I think its great. But then, I can be a bit argumentative anyway. I like pushing the limits of my thinking abilities or views on life, spirituality, God, evolution/creation, all of it.
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joannadandy
I suppose it could possibly scare someone, but if a little arguing and free exchange of ideas scares people, they'll probably never leave the WT anyway.
The problem is too many times it is not a "free exchange" of ideas. I have had several people e-mail me away from this board and ask for advice. More than a few of them said they did not like the tone of the board and that so much of it seemed pointless arugeing in circles. I know one poster who I valued a great deal, is not coming back to this site because of much of the immature behavior on this board. This is not about free-speech, this not about exchange of ideas, nor is it about healthy debate. I think everyone here is for that. This about respect and rationality and not letting emotions overrun us. Respect tends to be in short supply during most discussions, and keeping things emotionally toned down is rare. That is why people leave. They don't leave, or not post here because they are afraid of the real discussion issues. They leave because of the lack of respect, and in some cases we do play right into the "insane apostate" notions that all of us were raised with. Why should they listen to what we have to say when we act like this?
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mouthy
Yes I think some leave after they see disputes on board. I dont know about you! but when they kicked me out-It was awful!! I didnt know what to do. I wanted to kill myself...So if I had been fortunate enough to have this site( which I am very greatful for)I dont know how I would have handled
the contoversy--I know one lurker who talks about us "not getting on"over the two people that have helped HUNDREDS!!!!!!!!!!! Ray! Bill. I personally dont read the "fight" posts....But Of course as you say we are free to say what we want- & I guess that is needed by some-I agree with LB s post. Well said.
my2cents