Does Our Arguing Scare People Off???

by minimus 67 Replies latest jw friends

  • blondie

    I lurked a long time before I posted. I saw who tended to use strong words and why. Fools are not suffered gladly here. And of course, "fool" is a subjective term, in the eye of the beholder.

    Growing up in an verbally abusive household, I learned to deal with most of it. I'm not immune though. Some people here frighten me a little.

    Actually, with the elders' interpretation of "freeness of speech", elder meetings can have more abusive speech than any I have seen here. I have been subject to more abusive words from elders than ever in my family. I guess that is why I can have a tongue that slices and dices.

    What bothers me is the slicing and dicing behind the scenes. I can remember coming to the KH and suddenly people aren't talking to me and when I ask why they say there is no problem. I end up finding out that someone has been trashing my reputation, usually nothing true.

    Freeness of speech or freedom of speech doesn't really give me or anyone else the right to deliberately say something that is hurtful and not constructive; judgmental or not true.

    After many years, I have finally learned to agree to disagree (most of the time).

  • IronGland

    I really dont think there is that much fighting. JW's who lurk here may think so because they've been warned to avoid 'independent thinking' and to never question anything. There's also the fact that they believe 'Unity' is one of the highest virtues which pretty much closes the door on any kind of healthy debate on anything.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    See, I don't think it's the arguing. I happen to enjoy a good argument (and I paid for the full 5 minutes) mainly because I like hearing the other side. But I think it's when folks get abusive towards one another in their posts. I really don't think there is any reason to degrade someone's position in a discussion by resorting to name-calling. That type of conduct is childish and shows a lack of self-control as well as respect for the other person. We've all lost our temper, Lord knows I have here, but I personally object to the constant Yes you are--No I'm not temper tantrums that go on so much.

    Let's disagree, but let's be adult about it.

  • bigboi

    This question's been brought up countless times before. Mostly in 'flame' threads. The irony of it is that look at the board, now. It's full of ppl that weren't posting a yr or so ago. So evidently that argument doesn't have any foundation.

  • shera

    Really what is there to be scared of,words written down on a website?I have learned not to let verbally abusive people get to me.Sure they may hurt"sometimes".they are just words and if someone wants to try to hurt someone with words,they are just trying to build themselves up,by trying to get back at yah,and ripping you down.

    I must say...the only thing the JW's have done for me...after I left.....was make me stronger.

  • wednesday

    yes at times it has been upsetting. Today i found Gary bussleman (hope i spelled that correctly) site at freeminds and immediately felt a real connection with his story.I have spent the whole afternoon reading almost everything he has on net. I did not feel pressured to leave the org by him and his story is somewhat simailar to mine. What he said made so much sense and his stories are so funny(the okies ones), well it put it so much at ease. What he said about deprograming made sense to. those of us in the WTS from birth have no personalilty to return to-our core personality are jw . We have to reinvent ourselfs. At times i read thiiings here where the person has a clash with jw-doctrinal or otherwise and they go out. it is not like that for me. i have been inactive and only occ attending meeting for years. It has been a slow drift away-yet i could not bring myself to look elsewhere. At times i would try and return-only to feel very unahappy b/c i could never measure up But i never thought exactly it was their fault, even thugh i was made as hell at a lot of elders, -i still really blamed myself for failing. but after i read Gary's story-well he said everythihg i have been trying to articulate, and could not. For people like that-yes this site can be scary. part of us stilll wants to defend the org.

    this is a slow scary process. .

  • inky

    I have often thought of posting here but have not until now, not because anyone has scared me off but because things often seem so negative here. This is my first post and this is the first question I have felt the urge to answer.

    I am sure all of you understand that since leaving the JW's we have had to deal with alot of anger and bitterness from former friends and families who are still in the "truth". Because of this whenever I feel disinclined to join in if I feel it will go to the "dark side", so to speak.

    I need nurturing, not negativity. But that is just my little ole opinion, if it matters.


  • minimus

    inky, Welcome here. It's actually a nice place, kinda like a congregation. You know, some people in a Hall are ones you gravitate to and others are ones you's pretty much a real good group of people.

  • bigboi


    We like family here, Ink. The ppl here really care, though. There is a lot more here than just the fighting threads. Lotsa nuturing. Welcome to the board.

  • BeautifulGarbage

    When I was first lurking here, believe it or not, it was the passionate arguing that intrigued me. Eventually, I decided to jump in with both feet.


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