Thanks for thoughts and comments. I dont regret writing it but I do regret that I am allowing these feelings and thoughts to keep me awake at night. I think its because I am moving so far away in less than a week and I dont know where I stand with my mother. Her husband I truly dont care one iota about. I will never ever forgive him and trust me he doesnt deserve it. Hes a cruel, sick and fucked up person. You can find him on the platform every Sunday at the local kingdom hall. You'd never know it to meet him there though. Everyones FAVORITE elder. The approachable one, the one who really cares about the 'flock' and who they know they can come to because they wont be judged. The one you didnt mind sitting through public talks with cause he gave them well...personable, down to earth ..not all preachy. When I was a little kid I was amazed at his ability to be so comfortable and calm in front of so many people at assemblies and conventions. Until I starting seeing just how well he could turn the charm off and on, then I could rarely make it through one of his talks without getting up and going to the bathroom feeling sick. LOL ...you just gotta laugh, ya know?
Anyway, my mother I all but cut her off 6 months ago when I moved even though she was the only one who didnt shun me completely for being df'd. It was a difficult situation because with her being blind she cant come see me and my son without one of 'them' and I cant go see her without them being there either. If she could drive I think I would have had her over and had a talk. I tried to talk to her about what I was learning about the jw's but she first accused me of talking to apostates ( that would be ya'll ) and then gave me the "so what is the truth if this isnt" and "where else are you going to go" type speeches. She isnt ready for that and probably never will be. I could deal with that and still have a relationship with her as long as she respected my wishes about not being a jw and not having my son exposed to it. But its hard cause she cant come visit. And I really dont want to go back to that house as long as certain people are alive and kicking.
But I also cut her off because sometimes I feel she is just as bad as the others because she sits back while things happen and does nothing. I would blame it on her blindness but shes always been that way. I would go to her with something and she would say ok, but she would never DO anything. That is where the anger comes from I think. People that sit back and let abuse happen are just as guilty in my book. Maybe not just as guilty but somewhat guilty too. I just know my mom was a victim too so thats why I still have feelings for her but I am so angry that I think I am going to end up leaving without saying good bye and not talking to her for a very very long time if ever again. Tragic.
And the watchtower claims it doesnt break up families. I had 8 brothers and sisters and two parents once...where are they now Watchtower jerks?