On The Art Of Fading

by expatbrit 110 Replies latest jw friends

  • alw

    expat, thankyou, thankyou, for those amazingly written sugestions, my wife and i are just going through the exit process and were not certain just how to handle it all, your suggestions are so well thought out so as to make it as easy as possible with the least resistance and stress that you put me in mind of wise king solomon, dont mean to make you blush but what you say is so upbuilding and sensible i just had to let you know it has helped us very much and we will definitely be putting your suggestions to good use.

    i will be printing your essay and keeping close so if those sanctimonious people do catch us unawares, and i feel like i might speak my mind and blow it, i will just go and read your thoughts, cool down,and politely ask them to leave as we have things to do.

    once more we say thankyou.


    When I first came to this site; other ex-JW sites as well, I appreciated much of the advice presented. Or, so it would seem.

    But I had to wonder with regards to the original poster of this thread, if they indeed: FADED

    Has expatbrit faded? Did he/she really leave the Jehovah's Witnesses completely?

    Have we met-up with a scenario comparible to the story of the 'mice that were instructed by another mouse to go put the bell around the cat's neck'.

    Does anyone follow me here?

    There are folks who can give excellent advice. Some of which, may actually work. But can they actually DO IT, themselves?

    Has the author left the Jehovah's Witnesses? Has he/she successfully faded?

    IF he/she has indeed faded...that's great.

    Faded is a euphimism for 'not-out-yet' in my opinion.

    So, what advice or information are we following? Someone who has actually successfully faded? Or someone who wishes he/she truly had?

    I have not yet met anyone in-person, who has successfully faded.

    The advice originally posted in this thread is good, but I still wonder until this day if the author has 'actually' made the break

    I've met many folks who've left the Jehovah's Witnesses, none of whom were successful at fading. The more they tried to fade, the more suspect their activities/inactivities became.

    I repeat: Is this merely: the leader of the mouse clan asking another mouse to place the bell around the cat's neck?

    I hope not. But this one has had me scratching my head for years....

    If you have left, not faded, I do indeed, take my hat off to you. You are no longer 'lukewarm'.

  • ozziepost
    If you have left, not faded, I do indeed, take my hat off to you. You are no longer 'lukewarm'

    That's me!

    I think you hit on some good points here, Ray, but I'm equally sure many won't appreciate it.

    My take on faded is 'not quite, not yet' i.e. fading is a putting off of the evil day when finally the cut comes. Until that day comes, the Borg still holds power over you, the fader.

    Some on JWD have argued in the past that the 'best' route is to DA. I'm not convinced of this, for even in that, it seems to me that you, the fader, are still allowing the WTS a role in your life. While ever you do, then you're acknowledging 'their authority'. We must be convinced they have none save for what we give it.

    There's an old saying, "there's no gain without pain". Another says "bite the bullet".

    Mrs Ozzie and I faded for a few years, then we 'bit the bullet' and lost all, our family and all relatives.

    Yet that was many years ago and gradually our unflinching, uncompromising stand has put the ball squarely back where it belongs i.e. with them, not us.

    The result: a restored relationship with each of our lovely children who remain loyal, zealous and active Dubs. Yet Mrs Ozzie and I attend churches and even get the cooperation of our children to babysit one of us when sickness strikes and the well one of us can attend our church service.

    This would not have happened with fading.

  • LittleToe

    Each to their own. We must all do what we feel we must do. Whilst I DA'ed, my recommended course of action is just to walk away (with a weaning period if ya feel it's necessary) and get on with life. Certainly spending a little time making a few friends is time well spent, and I did so myself.

  • Black Man
    Black Man

    classic, classic post..........

  • AuldSoul

    Need info from Secretary/former Secretary on how to intercept pub cards on cong. change. Have a chance to help someone disappear completely. This is a timing issue as the person is getting pressured for contact info.


  • Finally-Free

    He can try providing the contact info of a non-JW friend or relative, saying they are the PO or secretary of the congregation. I know one person this worked with.


  • mouthy


  • AuldSoul

    Thanks, FF and mouthy!!


  • hartstrings

    So what happens next? Wonder if you've done all of this, very successfully, at that. What happens when you have to worry about them seeing your daughter at a birthday party or worrying that you'll slip up at the in-laws and mention your need to get the polls next week? How does one ever feel truly free of the constant gaze and worry that you'll "be found out".

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