On The Art Of Fading

by expatbrit 110 Replies latest jw friends

  • nicsfreedom

    My husband and I would like to fade only to prevent very hurt feelings from my parents. I had a visit a few months ago from my JW father who cried that he and my mother are worried and they can’t bear the thought of us not in the new order, he knows we do not attend very many meetings…

    However, we are moving out of State in a month or two so I am hoping to get some advice on whether to contact our local elders to request moving our pub records or not. Since we have been completely away from the meetings for at least six months and have rarely attended mtgs for years. I am a little afraid to end up on the boe radar at all. Currently, the boe doesn’t pay much attention to us at all. We have very strict local JW family members in neighboring congregations where we currently live (who knows everyone). On the flip side, if we do not move the records is it more likely that conversations would ensue if our current elders run into my local jw family at assemblies…and asks where we have been or that they did not know we moved. Ironically, we just sold a condo near the area that we are planning to permanently move to and witnesses are not allowed inside of the complex so we could provide the boe this address. But, is it really that simple? Don’t they ask that you start attending a hall before they will just move your cards? And just to be clear, if we do make the decision to attempt moving the records do we have to request it from a local elder or do we need to make the request at a new congregation? Also, before we get of town there is one more assembly that is scheduled for next weekend. My husband feels we should go to make my family happy and bear through it since it will be one of the last we have to attend. I am concerned that if we go to the assembly that we are assigned to (with my family) it may cause members of the congregation and worst of all the elders to start asking us questions. This was our first year that we didn’t attend the memorial so could it start up issues we do not need since we are so close to moving out of state. I would have to come up with a pretty phenomenal excuse to get out of going or explain why we need to go to another one, UGH! BTW-After the research I have been doing on the WTBS the idea of sitting through a two day assembly makes me sick! Sorry for all the questions but hopefully you all can understand the stupid rules we have to deal with. Please keep in mind with any response that our goal is to avoid hurt feelings (for now) so your consideration of that is very much appreciated. Thanks for all opinions! Confused
  • FatFreek 2005
    FatFreek 2005

    Hi nicsfreedom,

    I truly understand your concern and feel for you and your spouse. Over the years there have been many discussions about publisher record cards. One even claimed that he personally requested it and it was given him to turn over to the next BOE. He simply forgot to do that last step. I'm not sure if that was true or wishful thinking. However, the following is a link to many similar discussions here. You'll just have to dig your way through to see if anything looks promising.


  • nicsfreedom

    Update: Much has changed since I posted my question and concerns. I want to especially thank "OnTheWayOut"!!! I purchased a pdf online of CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE for both of us. He was blown away, as was I. I knew if he would just see it with his own eyes he would react the way he did. He read the entire book in a weekend which is really commendable for someone who dislikes reading.

    It cracked me up that while he was reading almost ever 30 minutes or so he would say "what" or "unbelievable" or "I can't believe it"...or just sit and shake his head. Which is saying a lot for someone who is not very expressive. This book opened the flood gates for us to communicate everything about the organization and the beliefs. After reading this book we mutually agreed to not go into hiding from JW family/friends and the congregation anymore. We have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

    If Raymond Franz and those around him endured what they did my husband and I can certainly deal with what our future holds. We decided that the possible sacrifice of losing friends and family will (in time) be insignificant to the our new found "FREEDOM"! Besides, we have taken a hard look at the relationships we currently have with our fellow JW's and have concluded that, what are they really if they are "conditional"? If they turn their back on us for being truthful, it is a sad reflection on them, not us. We simply can be part of this "club" anymore:)

    Oh, quick shout out to JWfacts...in consideration of your suggestion to simply ask questions has not only helped with this issue but has helped our marriage grow stronger. I do not wonder what he is thinking anymore. I used to just let him be silent and shut down. Now he participates in conversations because he knows that I really do want his opinion and feelings (guys just love feelings),ha.

    Incidentally, after he read the book I asked: Now that you have read the book and realized that "this cannot be God's organization" would you want to reverse time and not have this knowledge? He responded "I definitely could not have appreciated the indisputable reasons to get out"! Besides, if we are content with a little knowlege of the fallacies and just leave then we are less likely to help others get out, which could be selfish (in my opinion). We mutually agree to not be silent and we will never look back and wonder...what a great feeling.

    Again, thank you OnTheWayOut!

    P.S. My husband asked to see the documentaries that expose the hidden pedophilia. He is very angry like me now and totally understands why this issue is what set me off! Until you hear the victims stories personally it does not really hit the heart<3

  • OnTheWayOut

    I had to read my own advice to you to refresh my memory. Here is what I said on this thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/225514/1/Share-the-REAL-truth

    Consider the following: Tell him you will consider just walking away if he reads Ray Franz' CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE. If he is sure it is not the truth, maybe not being JW and not being busy being ex-JW's will be good for you both. Or maybe something there will hit a nerve if he reads and he will spend more time being an ex-JW.

    I am glad that worked.

    If you had not already decided: Just my thoughts on the matter (and I never experienced anything about it, so take it for what it's worth) about forwarding your records. You are under no obligation to forward records. I would just move and not give it a second thought. If the elders insist on anything, ignore them. If they get your address from family and forward the records, you owe nothing to the congregation that winds up with them. They cannot DF you if they never interact with you. Deny them any access from the start. If they call, "I am sorry, whoever gave you this number made a mistake." If they visit, "I am sorry, whoever gave you this address made a mistake." Offer no verification that you are who they think you are.

  • Sheep2slaughter

    Marking for later....looks very helpful. Thanks in advance.

  • The Oracle
    The Oracle

    Good advice. This will work for many.

    The Oracle

  • bsmart


  • Dismissing servant
  • Found Sheep
  • cultBgone

    Wouldn't it be great to hear the stories of these faders from years ago?

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