On The Art Of Fading

by expatbrit 110 Replies latest jw friends

  • hillary_step

    A first class post, with first class advice. This post should be read by all who are on the boundaries and with their backs to the WTS, and looking for the path of least resistance for an exit. Careful planning can save years of heartache.

    Thanks ExPat - HS

  • hillary_step


    This post will be of practical help to many who are in the throes of leaving the WTS and are struggling for a plan.


  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Excellent, interesting post expatbrit. I am always amazed by the courage and patience it takes to leave this cult.

  • shamus

    Excellent Post... just another in the line saying so. Well thought out, and packed full of information.

    I would like to add, don't give the elders anything...... don't let them in your house, your always busy, don't give them a straight answer EVER. They will bait you, and do whatever they can... just tell them that you're not ready to talk about whatever it is..... and stop going to meetings.

  • freedom96

    I think one of the most important areas of fading out, which I have done, is to get a support group of friends. Not ones to hound about the crap of the WTS, but friends to enjoy just for their company.

    It will carry a person a long way.

  • hillary_step


    I have noticed a number of newer posters on the Board in recent weeks who are desiring to 'fade' from their WTS lives. This essay, written by the ilustrious ExpatBrit ( where is he anyway? ), is one of the best I have read that deals with this matter.


  • willyloman

    It is so interesting to read this post now, after several months of putting this advice into practice (without ever having read the advice in the first place).

    Fading really is an art!

  • Piph

    Wow, I want to hug you for that post! That's good stuff!

    Euph and I are starting the fade next month...we've kind of gotten a head start by being infrequent at some meetings and even more infrequent in service.

    Unfortunately, I've grown up in this area and almost everyone in the circuit knows me and I'm related to almost everybody. There are six or seven congregations in my city and I know people in all of them. Currently we're in the congregation I grew up in and it is a "good" congregation...the elders are really active with trying to keep people active. To make things more difficult, my dad's the secretary. Euph and I can't move out of town for at least six months (leased apt.), but we are planning on moving out of state later.

    Til then, Euph and I chose a congregation where I know only a handful of families and the elders are notorious for being disinterested and negative about troubled publishers. We're going to switch to that congregation right after our wedding...funny, but just the act of switching congos is enough to piss my dad off...he's been really cold to me since I told him. Maybe we should just attend a couple of meetings after the switch...really sporadically and then disappear. That's a good idea.

    I was already planning on hiding from shepherding calls.

    Thanks again for such an excellent post.

  • Piph

    I'm bumping this topic

    for Euphemism

  • Euphemism

    Thanks for pointing me to this topic, sweetie.

    Good stuff, expat. I've been thinking along similar lines as you... show up at our new congregation just barely enough to get a reputation as "weak" publishers, so that no one will really notice when we stop attending meetings altogether.

    I'm glad that your fade was succesful... I hope we can do as well as you did. I think the most difficult part is patience... having to control myself from saying what every fiber of my being is feeling. But I know that many here have had longer fades than us.

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