On The Art Of Fading

by expatbrit 110 Replies latest jw friends

  • SPAZnik

    Expatbrit, this is one of the best posts i've ever come across on this site.

    How useful your suggestions would have been to me when i was leaving.

    Ah, well, rest assured this post will benefit many. Arming them well.

    On The Art Of Fading. An art indeed!


    Edited by - SPAZnik on 14 August 2002 6:37:22

  • Dismembered

    Thanks Ex

  • Grunt

    Great post. I faded but with a little different time-table. I moved several hundred miles away, and never attended the Kingdom Hall where I moved. Three years later I moved again due to my job, and never attended the local Kingdom Hall either, that was nineteen years ago. It worked perfectly. I would go home and attend the Memorial with my parents sometimes, and I avoided the subject of religion as best I could. I will never forget pulling my car over on the side of the road before entering Louisiana and telling my kids "I don't want you discussing religion with anyone over here. It is none of their business." I wasn't worried about regular people, I didn't want any Witnesses judging me or causing us problems. That was in 1981.
    The whole fade went off without a hitch except my daughter had been infected. I have never been df'd, da'd or anything. I am only really actively shunned by my daughter. Ironic. My brother's children, all "Raised in the Truth" have stopped attending, my daughter whom I protected is a zealot. Even the best fades can have complications in seems. May God damn this cult.


  • Matty

    I'm going to use this brilliant post of expatbrit's because I am in "the process" at the moment. It's funny how you work so hard to gain "privileges" during your dubdom, but it's even more difficult to lose them!

    If you used to regularly Auxiliary pioneer, every so often you get a lecture from an elder, asking whether you would like to consider it again. If you used to be a Ministerial Servant, you are also harangued! I make excuses, saying I'm "not ready", I'm getting "stress from work", and stuff like that. I know they want to make me up again, and that would be a disaster. My next plan of action is to cut down on the ministry. If I do below the average, then I wouldn't qualify for "privileges" and they might leave me alone. The thing is I hate being hassled by Elders and my family, I just want a quiet life, and I guess there is little I can do that wouldn't warrant attention in some way.

    This is valuable stuff, thanks again expatbrit.

  • expatbrit

    Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and interesting observations. A poster on the board (I forget who) once said "there is no wrong way to leave a cult." I agree with this completely. There are as many different circumstances and as many different "right ways" as there are people wanting to leave the JW's (and these days that's a lot!) For instance, Amazing took a quite different route than I did, and his family are now free of the WT, so his method was highly successful.

    This is why the various methods and experiences of everyone are valuable. So that people who are going through the process can benefit from advice and select methods that are the best for them.


  • Lee Elder
    Lee Elder

    Yours is a very good description of a properly executed fade. Moving to a new congregation, combined with "poor health" and/or being
    "stumbled" over some issue (just watch for an opportunity - mean spirited, stupid elders are always providing them) is the perfect recipe to disappear. Building the proper foundation in advance is essential. Extracting family members and friends is complex and risky. I had a fair amount of success but it was not easy and came close to backfiring several times - primarily when ones I assisted getting out tried to get others out and mentioned my name. I don't see much to be gained by formerly disassociating oneself.


  • sunshineToo

    Wow, thanks for your analysis and suggestions. This will be handy to many.

    LOL @ OUTLAW Yes, your way is quite simple.

  • larc

    Outstanding piece of work, expatbrit. In the months to come, when newbies ask about leaving, I will bring this back up top for their benefit. One tactic I used when I faded was to tell people who asked me why I was inactive, that I didn't want to talk about it because I din't want to stumble them. That was a real conversation stopper, and it saved me a whole lot of grief.

  • Beans

    Great work expat!


    Canadian Overbeer

  • Quotes

    Fantastic post! Nicely done.

    It occured to me that there are two ways to remove a bandage: fast, or slow. This post is the slow method (not that there is anything wrong with that).

    I attempted the slow method, but was not as careful as Expatbrit suggested, and was hauled into a Judicial Committe. OH WELL, I had to switch to FAST BANDAGE REMOVAL mode.

    Sure, it "hurt" more than the slow method, but it was over faster and I was able to get on with my life sooner. Downside: the JW half of my family has little to do with me. Oh well, I have fun with the other half.

    When you make your choice (fast vs. slow) you should "COUNT THE COST" (yech, did I just spew what I think I did?)

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