How Many Here Have Been Shunned?

by Reborn2002 65 Replies latest jw friends

  • Reborn2002

    As most of you already know, the Jehovah's Witnesses are covering an article in their August Kingdom Ministry to be discussed the weeks of 8/19 and 8/26 which details how they are to shun and avoid those who are no longer members of their organization, even immediate family members.

    Undoubtedly this article has been written to reinforce to the rank&file Jehovah's Witnesses the shunning policy, so as to tighten the ranks and prevent members from having the opportunity to learn the abundant contradictions and hypocrisies found within Watchtower doctrine and practice from any who may have left.

    This policy also serves to divide families and attempt to shame or abuse those whom have chosen to no longer be Jehovah's Witnesses, for whatever reason.

    That much is obvious.

    In recent days this topic has been discussed in detail in various threads.

    The reason I was posting it was I wanted to ask.. how many people on this board have suffered because of this? How many individuals who are no longer Jehovah's Witnesses and participate on this webboard have been personally affected?

    I myself have lost any and all contact with my brother or my nephew. My mother speaks to me very rarely and when she does she attempts to belittle me by saying that I am an apostate and a disappointment. The entire group of friends that I grew up with that were Jehovah's Witnesses no longer associate with me, since they follow WT rules and regulations. It is funny that they claim to be the most loving people on earth, yet within one day they can write you off as if they never knew you, even if you were friends for many years.

    They go door-to-door and preach their message DEMANDING that others respect their beliefs and listen to them. In fact, they DISRESPECT other's beliefs continuously by forcing themselves on people to attempt to convert them. Yet, when someone else has a differing belief and only asks to be respected in the same manner, that is something that they are not capable of. They resort to abusive practices to attempt to bully others into doing their bidding.

    Anyway... I do not know how many will wish to respond to this thread, as it is a very emotional subject. Alas, I was wondering, how many others have been shunned or lost immediate family and friends over this?


    i HAVE BEEN SHUNNED many a time -- it is where I learned to talk to myself and come up with the best of answers...queenie

  • scumrat

    I'm shunned too. My family would call me on rare occasions because of some nessesary family business. Then I wrote to each one of them and stated that I could no longer accept any further communication with them unless thay want me as a full time family member not part time. I got tired of them playing with my emotions and using me whenever they wanted. Hey, it's a two way street. If they could only get that through their thick watchtower skulls.

  • onacruse

    Jason, you can count me twice (df'd in '79, and again in '00). I was reinstated in 1981, just so I could again be with the family and friends I had lost. And, yes, I even thought that there was some way that WTS would get their heads out of their butts, admit their mistakes and reform their policies. (Not my fault for being so foolish, I had a prefrontal lobotomy years ago)

    "It is funny that they claim to be the most loving people on earth, yet within one day they can write you off as if they never knew you, even if you were friends for many years."

    So very d*mn true. I believe that every society of man has the right to exclude from membership those who blatantly refuse to conform to the accepted standards of that group. But that never gives them the right to treat people like dirt and violate the most fundamental principle of humanity, the unity, strength and inviolability of the family.

    Craig (of the p'd-off class)

  • seawolf

    I was never baptized and thus was never df'ed. But as far as I'm concerned the way most of them have treated me I have felt like I was shunned my entire life. So I guess the answer is yes...and no...depending on whether or not you have to be df'ed to be shunned.

  • ConnieLynn


    I was shunned prior to this, so not much has changed for me. Mostly that is because I moved 3K miles away... although I wonder if my mom will shun my "check in phone calls", we'll see. (especially since she's at the assembly in Tampa/St.Petersburg this weekend)

    It's cruel and it's unnatural to treat any human being this way - MUCH more so if it's family. How the society can continue to keep the lid on a boiling pot astounds me to no end.

    I remember reading about the terrible fight you had with your brother over your seeing you nephew a few months ago, I was curious if your situation has gotten more difficult since this KM came out?


  • Mimilly

    I was shunned for a long time on the basis of a rumor - no reproof or reprimand. After Dfing, I was isolated for 10 years. No friends and the 'family' I thought I had - all rejected me. I had already suffered rejection at the hands of many of my own family for disclosing the abuse I went through and I also lost two Junior High (and on) friends due to the effects of it all.

    This site is one of the biggest sunbeams in my life. It's hard to explain to a person who hasn't researched the dubs or been there what it's like.

    I had my husband, three children, mother (sometimes) and that was it. Hubby was too busy with legal crap from his X and his addictions; you don't go crying to your children; and mom has the attitude of just get over it. Ten years is a long time.

    To find something positive about my situation, I had plenty of time to work on myself; therapy for the abuse I went through; raised my kids - but damn it was lonely until I found this site.


  • Reborn2002

    ConnieLynn asked:

    I remember reading about the terrible fight you had with your brother over your seeing your nephew a few months ago, I was curious if your situation has gotten more difficult since this KM came out?

    The situation could not have gotten worse, because it was already at rock-bottom. My brother and his wife do not allow me ANY type of contact or association whatsoever with my nephew, simply because I made the personal decision to no longer be a Jehovah's Witness. They allow others whom he has barely known or are not family members (his JDub friends at his new congregation) to spend time or hold him, but not me. My brother even made it a point to tell me that once my nephew was old enough to understand, he would make sure to let him know that I was someone he should NEVER try to make contact with, because I had turned my back on God and my family and would be nothing but a bad influence or hurtful to him.

    So at this stage, he will grow up never knowing the uncle he had that loves him unconditionally. Never having shared a conversation, never having played basketball or watched a movie together.... NOTHING.

    As for my mother, the KM has strained what little relationship we had left. She was born into the Jehovah's Witnesses, and has been a baptized member and occasional pioneer for over 30 years. The only time we speak now is when it is family business over previous obligations or finances that can only be resolved by communicating with one another. Even then, her tone with me sounds as if someone called a corporation's customer service department and was waiting to hurry up and get off the line.




    I am sorry if someone finds my above words offensive. But I speak from the heart, and I speak what I feel. The Watchtower and any who abide by their practices willingly and support their horrific ideals have much to pay for.

  • Nikita

    I have been shunned. I have 2 brothers who remained in after I left. One of them will have almost nothing to do with me and the other, Mr. Biggs, is on his way out of the organization but he was never as bad as the other brother when it came to shunning.

    To back track, I was only da'd by the elders after I married my non-JW husband in a church. My brothers stayed away from the ceremony but came afterwards during the receiving line. Shortly afterwards, my husband and I relocated to another state. I have rarely had the opportunity to run into my old "friends". But, to be fair, I can only recall one experience in which someone outside my family "shunned" me outright. I mentioned this in Blacksheeps post eariler today.

    When my Mom died in 1994, many of my old friends were there and offered me their support and condolences (even though it wasn't a JW type service). I was surprised when after the birth of my child many of my closest friends in the org. sent me well-wishes and even gifts.

    The last time I saw my "in" brother, he shunned me and it was evident to all around. I think it was after "Quincy" (my baby brother and poster here) graduated high school (' 99, I think). Afterwards, "in" brother had nothing to do with me but made it a point to laugh and smile with everyone else. This hurt terribly.



  • Vivamus

    Funny, I just got home, still crying after a talk with my mum, turned my computer on and saw this post.

    My mum is still a witness, but she is not shunning me. I was just at her house, and we were walking the dog, an the topic was once again JW. Previously, whenever I told her that it hurts that my friends shun me, she would say, but sweetie, you choose that yourself. Tonight was no different. And so, all of a sudden, I stopped moving, stood rock still and poured my heart out to her. This, I had not done before. I told her how badly it hurts that my best friends will not talk to me anymore, that I can no longer pick up the phone and chat with them about my day. That I no longer can knock on their door and have a cup of tea with my best friend. And all this because some bunch of men in Brooklyn tell them to shun me. And for what? Just because I thought for myself, and choose to be free.

    Dont know what is wrong with me the last few days, I seem to burst out in tears at the smallest memory of them. Sorry for such a long answer that could be summarized with "Yes, I am being shunned, and it hurts".


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