Am I the youngest one on here?

by Capstone 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • nonjwspouse

    You Mom is thinking of leaving your dad? Ok, this is not just about you, can you see that part? She has something invested in a belief that you would be a JW against all the others, and against your fathers influence ( in her mind) Her over the top pressure is stemming from her self pressures, not you or what you do. She should respect your wanting to stay home. Especially since your father is not a JW. If you want to be a JW, if it was right, then you would go. Her actions are wrong, but not unexpected. Her emotions are very high right now. Hopefully you can rise above it, see it for more of what it is. Try to let go of some of that stress or guilt and see the whole picture. It's just not about you, it's all about her.

    That said, continue to treat her with love and kindness and respect. (respect does not mean to change your beliefs because she told you to). She does love you, she is just very very pressured and conflicted, emotional... she is indoctrinated.

  • wannabefree

    Hi Capstone, welcome.

  • Oubliette


  • Giordano

    Welcome Capstone, I pretty much agree with the advice you have received.

    It's good that your not baptized.

    It's funny how with the JW's, Mormons, Amish etc. your expected to become a witness......your not asked to become one, it's a demand and a parent(s) will insist on and use coercion to force you into a religion you want no part of.

    Your mother has the problem you don't she's in an unhappy marriage and clings to a 19th century belief which has changed so many times that most JW's don't pay that much attention to what they are told to believe.

    Make a success of the next couple of years as best you can and begin planing on higher education and a meaningful life.

  • KateWild

    Hi Capstone, and welcome.

    You are one of the youngest on the board. Teenagers tend to be irregular posters because they are so busy with school. Well done for learning your dad's language, and it's good to hear your boyfriend is supportive and understanding about your situation.

    Thanks for telling us your story. Keep checking in to vent and to update us.

    Kate xx

  • Capstone

    Thanks for your kind words and advice everyone.

    I don't live in the UK but I know there is a support group in my country but it's not as active as this forum so that's why I posted on here. I'm also really happy that I didn't get baptized so my mom can't claim I have promised Jehovah anything.

    The thing that has worried me the most since I started preparing for leaving has been losing so many childhood friends but actually I don't miss them as they don't accept me for who I am. I just hope that what I did might give them the courage to leave aswell if they want to but for now they are probably getting warned by their parents about me and getting more cautious against worldly influence.

    To be honest, I think it would be for the best if my parents separated as they don't get along very well and it would also make it easier for me. I don't think I could manage go to any more meetings after what happened when I know my former friends are talking behind my back.

    Do you guys think I will have to talk to the elders or will they just announce that I'm no longer a unbaptized publisher anyways?

  • nonjwspouse

    You do not have to talk to elders. It is your choice. Now what they do about it is not your choice or in your control. But you do NOT have to talk with them.

    You should be kind, polite and very careful. Just tell them you are working it out yourself and will contact them when needed. Thnak them for their concern. Stay firm and resolute. Don't give in to pressure to talk. You have the right to your own thoughts without talking to them about them.

    ( Just good advice I read here. I am not giving first hand advice)

  • Apognophos

    At least you don't have much to fear from them. Without the threat of DFing there's not much they can do to you (besides what gossip in the cong. has already done to you). Heck, why not meet with them? They probably won't be mean to you. You could ask them to defend teachings which you have good counter-arguments for. That being said, it's probably going to be a waste of your time, as they won't let themselves be convinced of anything by a teenage girl....

  • love2Bworldly

    Welcome & good luck to you-- take school very seriously, it's important. Lucky for you to be so mature and make your decisions so young! You won't have to regret that ugly religion later in life like many here.

  • humbled

    The elders may want to talk to you--but they have no"legitimate" reason to do it.

    My daughters left "the Truth" while they were still in the home. My husband was not a JW. All three girls went to college and are doing well.

    I do and did then believe there must be choice in becoming a member of a religion. Coersion is ALWAYS wrong. and I did stand by the girls--even the one whose leaving was a torment for us both--she was baptized. (a long and interesting story)

    It may be hard to live with honesty but in my opinion it is by far the healthiest thing you can do nfor now and for your future.

    Take care and---good for you. You sound like you are a grand girl.


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