Am I the youngest one on here?

by Capstone 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Capstone

    Hi everyone!

    I finally registered on here after reading on the forum for almost two years on and off (more often the last year). To give you some background on who I am I can say that I'm a girl in my late teens and live in western Europe. My mom is a JW and my dad is not. Growing up I have always followed my mom to the meetings and tried really hard to believe in it. Sometimes I have been really into it but I have always been skeptical, especially about the counsel against higher education and looking at apostate information. I mean, if the truth is true then it would only make my faith stronger to look up what arguments opposers have.

    That's the reason I started reading on websites like this one about two years ago. I was really scared at first and kept on promising myself not go on these kind of sites anymore. I found information about thing that there's always been a hush-hush on in my congregation and that made me want to read even more. Last summer I had stopped trying to make myself not read on these sites and I soon felt that I couldn't believe this anymore. Even though I was only an unbaptized publisher I saw no way of me leaving. I had most of my friends in the congregation and I am my mom's youngest child. None of my siblings are JWs so I was her last hope. Therefore I tried really hard to have "good" spiritual routines and I felt pretty good about the religion for a while.

    About a year ago I started a new school and for the first time I gained some good friends (I have always been an outsider before, partly because of the religion). I realized more and more that there are good people outside of the religion and I started thinking more about leaving again. On morning in October of last year I woke up and had had enough. Ever since that day I have believed in it the slightest bit. I no longer saw a reason for me not to do certain things I hadn't done before so I started leading a double-life.

    At first I felt relieved, especially when I had been away from meetings for a couple of weeks. After a while I found it harder to come up with excuses not go to the meetings (didn't dare to tell my mom the truth) so I continued to go and pretended like nothing but did as little service as I could. I felt really bad about it all and was depressed from sometime around December of last year until May. I spoke to my school counselor about it all and she gave me the advice to leave the religion when I have finished school and moved out.

    Even though I hated going to the meetings and pretending I was someone I am not, I tried to stick to plan. It all went well until last weekend. I was seen with a boy by some JWs at the litterature cart downtown and it didn't take long until my mom found out. Within half an hour many of my "friends " in the congregation were texting me and wondered what I had done and wanted me to call. I was so panicked and didn't dare to go home so I turned my phone off and ran away to my boyfriend's house.

    The day after I had to go home and face my parents' fury. Of course they were very angry because I had ran away but my dad soon got over it and said everything will get better. I told my mom about how I don't believe in the religion and where I had been. Ever since that she has taken every chance to subtly insult me about boys and how bad the world is. She is also trying to force me to go to the meetings (by saying that's it's her house and I have to follow her rules) but this far I have gotten away with it. I can't tell her about why I stopped believing because I know she would tell me apostates lie and so on. Because of that she thinks I want to leave because of the boy and peer pressure in school. That's not the case, I have tried to believe it because I had quite a good life with many friends in the congregation so it would have been quite a easy and safe life for me.

    Even though it's like hell at home right now I am still happy that I can finally be myself and not lie to myself and others. I don't really know where I wanted to go with this text. I just wanted to present myself and get my thoughts in order by writing it down.

  • Apognophos

    Welcome, Capstone! It must be hard trying to leave the religion as a teen; I was still a believer until my 30s, and even now I feel pressure from the parents to continue as a JW. I appreciate your point about how, if it's the truth, it ought to be able to be defended against apostates. So why should we be afraid of contrary information? There's no logical reason to be afraid of it -- but who said being a JW is logical? Most JWs are just afraid to lose the approval of other JWs; some are afraid of the world or what they would be without the morals of the religion (a better person, most likely!).

    I can't tell you if it's better to just obey your parents while you're under their roof, or to stick to your guns about not going to meetings. Since you've already come this far, it's probably not possible to go back to pretending to be a believing Witness and attending all the meetings. Ideally you would have waited to exit the religion until after you moved out, but that's water under the bridge now. Hopefully your dad as a non-believer will be supportive and will not enable your mother in putting pressure on you.

    There are a few teenage users here, generally boys, but we were all your age at some point :-) so I'm sure others here will have good advice for you.

  • LisaRose

    Welcome to the forum. It's true, we don't have many young people here, you may be the youngest.

    I am sorry it's not going well with your mom, it's never easy telling a parent that you don't believe in their choice of religion. I can understand your feelings and not wanting to live that life, It's a difficult situation because obviously your mom loves you and just wants what she thinks is best.

    I would not recommend living a double life, it's not fair to your mom and it is her house. Just because you don't want to be a JW does not mean you still shouldn't live your life with honesty and integrity. You will soon be living on your own as an adult and will live your life as you see fit, but until then you should do your best to follow the rules. I would be honest and tell your mom that you have doubts about the religion and that you don't really see yourself being a JW when you are on your own. It will be difficult, but she needs to know. If she calls the elders then talk to your dad and tell him you do not want that, he may be able to intercede on your behalf.

    Are you going to college? You should go if you can, that is more important than any boyfriend right now. I know it's hard when you are young, naturally you want a boyfriend, but it's better if you wait until you are on your own and can be open about it. If you are sexually active, please use birth control, the last thing you need is an unplanned pregnancy. If you are not comfortable discussing it with your mom or dad then talk to a school counseled or planned parenthood.

  • Capstone

    Thanks for all the responses. The first thing I told my mom when I got home last weekend was that I am not gonna lead a double-life anymore and that I don't believe in her religion so she knows that. I told her how long it has been since I stopped believing but I don't want to say why. I'm still pretty stirred up about it all and don't want to argue about religion. I just want to make it clear that I'm not doing this for my boyfriend, I was mentally free from the religion when I met him and he knows quite a lot about religion and JWs so he has been supporting me through this. I have two years left until Uni so I have to live at home until then but I do plan on going there.

  • ruderedhead

    Welcome, Capstone! It's wonderful that you have found the truth about the religion while you are young.

    Is it possible for you to speak to your Father alone about your decision and your Mom's reaction, asking him to support you? What about your siblings that aren't jw's? Can they lovingly talk to Mom about your decision?

    Your logic that researching the religion should make your faith in it stronger if it is, indeed, the one true religion, is reasonable. The jw's encourage others to look closely at their religion, and will supply negative information (cherry picked) on other religions, but will give the boot to a jw that researches them. Doesn't make sense, does it?

    Please realize that Mom probably feels that she is being judged by her congregation in a negative light as none of her children have accepted the religion. She may be, I don't know the personality of her congregation. Some are loving, some are lukewarm, some are just mean. Be loving, kind and patient. Don't take her comments personally, she's lashing out because she is hurt. But please get some back up from you family.

    Finish school, live a wonderful life, keep developing new frienships. Perhaps one day, slowly, uyou will be able to share some truths about the jw religion with her.

  • Capstone

    Thanks, rudereadhead!

    My dad works a lot (probably so he doesn't have to be at home at meet my mom as much) so it's hard to find time to talk to him alone. Now my mom is even talking about moving to her own apartment because my dad is bad for her spirituality so it seems like she chooses religion before family.

    It's also hard to get support from my siblings because they are much older than me and live far away so I'm not very close to any of them. I am sure my dad supports me because I heard him talking to my grandma (he thought I was sleeping) about how I need to leave.

  • cultBgone

    Welcome! Very happy that you are strong enough to think for yourself and that you have the courage to stop living a double-life.

    Can you get any support from your siblings?

  • Capstone

    I understand what you're are all saying about getting support from my family but this far I haven't really felt the need to. Not many of my relatives are JWs and therefore I haven't associated much with them growing up so I am not close to any of them. Also my dad is from another country and speak another language but I have started practicing the language more so I can talk more to my relatives and become closer to them.

  • clarity

    Good morning Capstone.....aahhh to be young again!

    So nice to read your post here ...a huge welcome to you!

    Funny ....we are opposite ends of life, to me, just your youth

    alone would be a fantastic advantage!!

    My advice to you would be to slow down a bit, there is

    no hurry....armageddon is not coming 'right around the

    corner", you have tons of time! Show your mother respect

    & really try to love her for who she is. Be kind, while you

    begin your own path in life.

    You have the world on a string sweety can afford to

    be nice about it.

    Stand your ground with your head held high, yo u have seen

    the fallacies & deception of a high control cult ...congratulations

    and all the best to you.............


  • bigmac

    hi capstone--and welcome to the site.

    reading your profile i would think english is your first language---so here is a link to lots of UK members:

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