?? Question for those that have successfully faded/are out:

by Darth Fader The Sequel 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • flipper

    DARTH- I agree with 3RDGEN that the more time that passes by - the more you will be left alone. If a person wants to maintain a semblance of a relationship with JW family or JW friends you once had a person needs to NOT bring up JW topics like - ever. If you even hint at disagreeing with the WT organization JW's are trained to sniff out alleged " apostate " leanings and will shun you- period.

    That being said- the only person I really have stayed close to who is a Witness is my 87 yr.old JW mom who has respected my fade these last 11 years and actually UNDERSTANDS what caused me to leave and she doesn't judge me negatively at all for leaving. THAT is VERY rare to find in ANY Jehovah's Witness because they are all trained to judge inactive / DFed ones as sinners or scum of the earth. I can talk to her about anything about the organization and she won't judge me negatively. I cannot do that with my elder dad, or my elder brother or two sisters who are JW's. And it's one reason I rarely see them ! LOL !

    Also I do not have any contact with former JW friends as I have learned their care for me was conditional anyway- based on how many times I answered at meetings, went out in service, or gave my assignments in the ministry school- our friendship had nothing to do with REAL friendship based on love and empathy, or caring- it was based on how well I performed WT functions.

    So I've made NEW friendships based on reality with many good people here right on JWN ! EX-JW's are some of the best people on the planet because they're honest and won't sell you BS ! If I were you I'd only bother keeping in touch with JW's who will RESPECT you the same way that they expect you to respect them. If they don't do that- they don't deserve to be respected . You don't need to grovel for their approval . Just my 2 cents. Good luck to you. Peace out, mr. Flipper

  • Mum

    My fade was actually unintentional. I simply had to get away for the sake of my mental health, so I moved to the other end of the country where I had a DF'd cousin (the only other JW in our family at that time). When I got to my new home, my first priority was to get a job and find day care for my daughter. Then I went to an attorney and made a deposit on a divorce.

    My then-husband called my cousin and told him that I needed to go the "the brothers" locally where I was and advise them of my "intentions." It occurred to me that he wanted me to go to three or so strange men who knew nothing about me or my mental condition and try to explain something I didn't want to talk about, particularly with strangers. It also occurred to me that I didn't have to obey my soon-to-be-ex or play by his rules. That was Step One.

    I was living in a place where it was very easy to get a job at that time, and I was getting by.

    It was also fortunate for me that a young, probably unbaptized sister in the congregation aided and abetted my escape.

    It seems to be true that if you determine to do something, the means to do it will often appear. I feel very lucky!

  • Dagney

    Moving is best.

    Friends, well it depends on the friend. There are some whose love and loyalty extend beyond any rules. They are few and far between.

  • Apognophos

    I probably shouldn't be posting here since I haven't faded yet, but since I view a successful fade as requiring a move to where no one knows me, and that is pretty well going to make it impossible to hang out with any JW friends, I'm writing the "friendships" off as a loss.

    Are you really going to be able to keep up the pretense of believing when you have conversations with them, or do you just not expect them to make any "spiritual" comments, or ask you to go out in service next weekend, etc.? As far as I'm concerned, it would be really odd if they kept wanting to hang out with you when they never saw you at the meeting.

  • krejames

    I started fading in 2011 and have been completely meeting-free for about 18 months. My family back home are fine when I visit. We never talk about JW stuff, it's the elephant in the room. My bestie from my cong stuck by me for a long while when I was only going to the occasional meeting. Then last year she sent me a text to say she wouldnt be coming over anymore. When I see her in the street she says hello and we have a polite chat. But really as Sporece and OnTheWayOut said - don't expect to keep your friends. Fading is worth it for keeping in touch with family but that's about all. If it wasn't for family I would have DA'd by now.

    make new friends. i have some life friends who faded before me but I have also made some true non-witness friends over the years. It's only when you leave that you understand true friendship.

  • Darth Fader The Sequel
    Darth Fader The Sequel

    (Not closing this thread by any means) Just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful replies so far. I appreciate it. Some good insights here.

  • Princess Ashe
    Princess Ashe
    I lost my friends but my family sticks around. I do the best I can not to get upset when my mom tries to tell her view points to my son and she doesn't get upset with me that I'm not making an effort. Its kind of a give and take situation. Of not making it a big deal

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