?? Question for those that have successfully faded/are out:

by Darth Fader The Sequel 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Darth Fader The Sequel
    Darth Fader The Sequel

    Question: Can any of you that have successfully faded out of the JW world without being DF'd or DA'd relate to me/us how you were able to maintain at least one or a few of your "still in" friends or family? (and even if you were DF'd or DA'd and still maintained some relationships, how did that go?)

    Obviously, the truly demented, sick and twisted (and highly effective) policies and structure of the WTBT$ to set up a system by which anyone that chooses to no longer believe or participate must be treated as "mentally diseased" and a pariah by their own friends and family is the hands down, numero uno reason why many hundreds of thousands and possibly millions of JW's do not leave.

    I would love to hear some success stories from all of you that have been able to get through this and maintain some of your family and possibly even a few good friends. Real friends.

  • Phizzy

    We have got no friends from the JW's that we knew who are still in, my fault mainly, I was vocal when I first left, nearly got DF'd and hence have the reputation of being a spiritual danger. (We have hooked up with a few that we knew aho have been a long time out.)

    Relations with my JW family are difficult to describe, and some of the distance between us that exists is without doubt down to me. For example, my grand-children will never be voluntarily introduced to my JW relatives, because I feel resentment that those JW's will never treat my lovely grand children in a normal way, or even view them as they do the children of JW's.

    My JW family that I do speak to, some never speak now, treat me as they would a non-believing relative to a great degree, doctrine etc are never discussed, suits me. We usually only speak when they want a favour, which I am happy to provide, but this is far from normal family relations.

    I really dislike so much about JW's and their views that I have nothing in common with my JW family to talk about, so any conversation is stilted.

    I do not see this situation as a failure, it is the best I could achieve in the circumstances, others may have been closer to their family than I was, and perhaps have maintained that greater closeness, I was always the Black Sheep of the family, never being a 100% believing, or in any way a compliant J.W, so even as an active JW there was distance and tension between me and my JW family.

  • Darth Fader The Sequel
    Darth Fader The Sequel

    Thank you, Phizzy. I can understand what you said. Particularly the part about wanting to prevent your lovely grandchildren from being treated as less than by your JW relatives. That is totally unacceptable. I too have just a few relatives that I am worried about maintaining a relationship with. The rest are either self-righteous A-holes, hypocrites or total losers that I would not associate with in any lifetime. It is my good, lifelong friends that I am most concerned with losing. There is already unspoken "distance" that has built up the last several years. With the exception of possibly a handful, I expect I will end up losing all of them.

    What makes me angry and sad at the same time is that I never did or would do that to a true friend of mine.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Very few faders retain JW friends unless those friends are particularly weak JW's.

    I have not retained my JW friends, even my very best friend. I faded for the sake of my mother, who basically overlooks my inactive status as long as I don't "preach" to her- although she slips in the occasional JW thoughts.

    That has worked out fine.

    Personally, staying "active" to retain some JW's in my life was not an option for me. I fully get those that go even further and DA. I also get why many keep going to meetings for family's sake but don't really do more than that. I don't get those that stay active for the sake of others.

  • Fernando

    We avoid speaking against their idols (GB & Org & FDS & hierarchy).

    We focus instead on "the truth" of "the good news" in their own publications.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I feared the loss of my extended JW family. They were very devout. When the time came, they still spoke to us. We never made an announcement that we left the Witnesses. There was tension. My family was famous for belief in doctrine but contempt for Bethel. When my uncle was dying, I ran to the er. Despite informing the hospital that he had no brothers, the hospital let a Witness in to visit. My uncle was very uncomfortable. I introduced myself.

  • New Worldly Translation
    New Worldly Translation

    I faded mainly by moving town about 300 miles away so they couldn't keep tabs on me. My parents once contacted the local cong without telling me so I got a visit from an elder. We had a decent chat and I just said I had no interest in being a witness any more. My parents were somewhat fanatical JW's and so me and my brother didn't really have any JW friends as they weren't deemed spiritual enough, so I didn't lose any friends apart from my cousins who I don't see very often.

    I still have contact by email with my parents and brother and once a year visit my gran. I've learnt not to bring up religion in conversation or argue and if they want to tell me about field service or a convention I just listen. It's all they know so jw stuff is gonna be on their mind.

    It's true that you can't rationally argue a person out of a position they didn't embrace rationally. It has to be their journey to realisation if they want it.

  • Ucantnome

    i was kinda lucky.

  • Giordano

    NWT " It's true that you can't rationally argue a person out of a position they didn't embrace rationally. It has to be their journey to realisation if they want it."

    I am going to reference that in the near future that's an excellant point.

  • Ucantnome


    when i asked a couple of morman girls recently why they believed in God i understood that the reason to be they believed because they saw evidence in their lives and in their church.

    i think similarly that my parents believed partially because the witnesses showed they were fulfilling matt 24:14, evidence and so it seems to me it was a rational decision.

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