?? Question for those that have successfully faded/are out:

by Darth Fader The Sequel 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Giordano

  My wife and I have been out for decades I spoke my mind and there were some flame outs with my mother and uber sister. Eventually we settled for a low key mistrustful relationship by all parties concerned.

  My wife and I met when I was pioneering 'where the need was great'. Part of my duties was to hold down three Congo positions one of which was the publisher's card servant or whatever they called it back in remote past. We moved to another State and somehow our publisher's cards were lost. My My...... I did look long and hard for them.
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  Darth Fader The Sequel

  Giordano- very slick move, sir. My hat is tipped to you!
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  Balaamsass2

  Darth, I have known a few families who have pulled this off for over 20 years. If people REALLY LIKE you they will see what they want. One brother just laughs at elders and tells them "Ya I'm a flake" then follows up with a funny story. He is rarely bothered.

  Another faded JW has let it be known he would NEVER sue a brother for slander...and it is a " good thing he is still considered a "brother"because it is a protection for some of the local gossip mongers". If he ever finds himself "out" he will have no problem suing. The Elders ignore the visiting C.O.s and leave him alone.

  A few others have "Fibromylogia", "Epstein Barr", or "lyme Desease" or anything internal. Works because medical records with out of town doctors are secure...but really isn't worth the effort if you want to ski, party, kayak etc.
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  Darth Fader The Sequel

  Balaamsass2- ooooooooh yessss.......... the ol' "chronic fatigue, fybromyalgia, lyme's disease" trick. Works like a charm for so many. Don't forget the "environmental sensitivities" one too. Works GREAT!!! If only the whole world would stop washing their clothes or wearing perfume, I COULD SPECIAL PIONEER!!!!

  I could never pull the faux disease thing though. I am way too ornery.
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  3rdgen

  How long does it take before the coast is clear? I'm not sure it ever is completely clear. But the more time that passes the more likely you will be left alone. A lot will depend on how your family is viewed by your elders and how you behave in public. Let me explain:If an elder in your hall has a beef with you he will try harder to get rid of you. OTOH, if one or more elders is particularly fond of you they will try harder to drag you back. Best case senario is if the elders are worried what you might do if cornered by them (lawsuit, letters to CO/Branch, knowledge of wrongdoing by said elder/elders and their families) you get the picture. By public behavior I mean attending holliday activities, decorating for them, pictures or statements on social media JW's would find objectionable. Political involvement etc. etc. Saying anything that even hints at "apostasy" to another dub or family member.This is the part I have the most trouble with. No matter what you choose DF, DA, or fade, there are consequences that acompany each of them. In a fade you give up your personal freedom in order to keep a few friends and family. There is NO easy way out.
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  Darth Fader The Sequel

  3rdgen- that is well stated. I believe you are right. The hardest part for me will be keeping my mouth shut. As you can see, I am quite loquacious. I get even louder when I see injustice.
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  phats

  I started writing & remembered I had said the same thing on a post I made when I joined. Sorry if it's to long a read but I've kept it as short as I could.

  With my fade I had a stroke of luck when my book study overseer (lazy git. I did all my stuff & half of his) was so lazy that he forgot to shepherd me about something that I didn't actually do.

  When I got the call from the 2 elders wanting to talk to me I asked them what about. They came round & explained the things that I was being removed for & said that this had all been explained buy my group study overseer. When I showed them this was not the case & that he had never come over at any time other than to watch the F1 Grand Prix with me they said that this was bad that nothing had been said as I should have been given a chance to comply. Then when they found out that there was nothing going on that was wrong & that they were mistaken they all looked rather embarrassed. Then when my study overseer was questioned he said that he had been to busy to talk to me about it even when he new it was going down when he came over to my house drinking my bear & watching the race with me.

  Then I was told that the letter had already been sent, returned, rubber stamped & that nothing could be done now even if it was incorrect.

  I was then told that he would be coming over (He never did) to apologise & say that if I carried on the same way that I had been for the last 15 years & not make a fuss about the wrong doing then I would be reinstated after the next CO visit.

  I said that I was fine with no longer serving but all I would ask was that when the announcement went out about me no longer serving that they could also state that a misjudgment had been made on my behalf.

  I reasoned with them that if they were going too make this announcement that some in the cong would wonder what it was that I had done & we have already agreed that I had done nothing wrong.

  Well this was met by an overwhelming "err no".

  I said that some brothers & sisters may wonder if I had been up to no good & as they couldn't stop the announcement that this would help me out.

  I was then told that there was no provision for this so in disbelief I started looking through all the literature (Nothing) & then I started looking on the eval internet & the rest as they say is history (Well for me anyway)

  The funny thing is they all new they cocked up & this gave me the perfect opportunity to bail & bail I jolly well did. Hurrah the the lazy buggers in my cong. there it was. An open door out & I was going to grab it with both hands,teeth, toes & whatever else I could muster up.

  All my relatives & family know about the cock up.

  What I was told though, was that in these cases the brother will be asked if he will open in prayer on the next sunday meeting & this will send out the unofficial word that I did nothing wrong so on the next Sunday I'm asked if I will open in prayer, I say yes of cause I would be happy to. I went up on to the platform said thank you Jehovah for everything you have done for us, said amen, got down, picked up my things & walked out with my bemused family following behind me.

  I've never been back & its just great!!!!!!

  Sorry for long post.

  Phats.
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  3rdgen

  I hate injustice as well. It is especially unjust that a dub is never allowed to simply stop believing the GB speaks for God and quit.
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  Darth Fader The Sequel

  Phats- great story. Great!
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  dissonance_resolved

  I seem to have successfully executed a fade. I had a carefully planned (on the calendar) fade over eight months. Gradually, gradually reducing for all sorts of good reasons, until the annual meeting last year when I stopped altogether. I counted all JW friends as a loss- too difficult to maintain and they aren't real friendships anyway. With my family, I refuse to engage AT ALL on anything JW related. They try to get me to talk and I just say "I have nothing to say." They send me emotionally manipulative texts and emails and I don't respond, but if they send me something normal, I respond warmly and make sure to tell them I love them. I try to reach out to them and share what's going on in my life and invite them to do things that we all enjoy. I can't say it isn't tense, but it's definitely not as bad as I thought it might be. I have had no calls or visits from the elders or anyone else.

  My focus now is on my spouse and kids and helping them wake up- a much more difficult task than a fade. This site has been so helpful, though- listen to the advice you get because it really works.