I promise to come back to this . . .
?? Question for those that have successfully faded/are out:
I have faded seven years ago but he consequences are almost the same...you lose all your friends since they know you don't believe anymore.
Only difference is when i go to the gym and see some JW they will say "Hello" to me but that's about it.
We have been out since 2002. For a few years once a year the elders would drop by.
1) Don't let them in, at worst step out on the stoop/porch and say polite hellos, say you are doing great, are very busy and you will call them when you need help. Remind them it is polite to call first if they really care.
2) Do not talk to them about anything doctrinal or anything past at the KH....pearls before swine.
3) then say goodbye, step inside and gently shut the door.
4) Get caller ID and do not pickup calls from any jws or unknown numbers (let them go to voice mail)
(go back in and write down the 2 most important reasons you are no longer going and post on the refrigerator for a month, then toss)
Remember they do not really care, it is something they are required by the WTS to do...not to help but to catch you doing something bad...(believe me my husband w as an elder and this was one of reasons he no longer wanted to be an elder (checking peoples CDs and DVDs while they were out of the room when they were there for a "shepherding" call.)
I successfully faded from the borg. I'll leave out the family explosion that followed. It's standard shit.
I used depression as an excuse to slow down, then pretended I would come back when elders asked.
Then — and this is how I explain my success — I moved. From NY to AZ… the rest was just staying put and not returning calls from elders etc…
It’s been 7 years. Never been DFed although I am a very publicly vocal exJW-atheist.
The main thing is to move in my opinion.
The good news is that 7 of my best friends in the NY congregation also left.
My daughter faded and only has has JW friends that have left too......but they keep going back like yoyo's so when they do.......friendships are strained. I am Df'd and have maintained friendships. How does that work eh?
Leaving WT is making a new life........some friendships are JWNers like me xx
Good advice, Blondie. I do not really have a problem (or won't have a problem) with any elders trying to "shepherd" me ( I am a wee bit scary to a lot of people). Our family was recently reassigned to a new "service group" and so that elder (actually a pretty nice and sincere guy from what I can tell) approached me about doing a "shepherding call". I very politely and matter of fact told him that if he wanted to come over to our house one day, bring his wife and have breakfast/lunch/dinner with my family, he was more than welcome to. We would enjoy it. Then I said, "But I am not interested in having a shepherding call."
It has been a couple of months and I have not heard a word about it since. ;-)
DFTS, just remember his everlasting life depends on doing what the WTS/BOE want him to do. He will turn you in rather than risk that. Just remember even if you only talk to ONE jw, they will think about their loyalty to the organization and losing life. Even if there is only one person's testimony, the elders could have someone else. So don't confide to him anything. Come here instead if you have to vent.
My husband was an elder and a good guy which is why he stepped down rather than be a part of the cruel shenanigans of the other elders.
Thank you sincerely, Blondie.
I have known a few who have accomplished it without fallout. ALL of them use MOVING as the main technique. Pretend moving ( new phone# & For Sale by owner sign), just moving halls, or REAL moves.
Pick a hall that is out of your Circuit or District who does not exchange speakers with your current hall. Have "Work" require you be out of town or look for a new home.
Don't act standoffish or hostile. Get caller ID & answering machine. Don't answer the door or work in the front yard SAT. am. If people prod you with questions smile and ask about them their famlies (Dfed kids etc) or their work. It is very easy to redirect conversations. When the Elders finally contact you, be busy and when they ask "if there is anything they can do".... GIVE them an expensive project. - "Elderly Sister/mom/aunt needs xyz proiect done and some $$" ...they will not call you anymore.
Always be nice.
Balaamsass2, you crack me up. Good ideas.
In your opinion, how many years of successful evading does it take before the coast is clear? How many years of evading until the mild/occasional association with a JW is looked at as nothing more than visiting with someone who "used to be"? Know what I mean?