Seriously considering stepping down as Elder

by fader77 65 Replies latest jw experiences

  • fader77

    Believe me I've thought of that. I know it sounds selfish, but I can't bring myself too because I feel like I have nothing left after my family is all gone because they hate me

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    The odd thing is your family are programmed to follow your lead. Now of course this is the wrong direction in their eyes but "old habits" you know? So if you do it slowly, carefully and not confrontationally you may have sucess. Don't use the words "step down" they hate that. Just say you are no longer able to serve as an elder as you are not in a position to: whatever the reason ... Nerves, Financial reasons, Health. I would make clear it is not because of any wrongdoing on your part or lack of faith in the organization. Have to kiss the butt on that one for the sake of the fam. But make up your mind what your tactic is. Is it health or depression? I would slack off on service and public talks for awhile so they think they are clever and "saw it coming". They won't say anything to help you but they will congratulate each other on being able to predict it. Jerks. All the best. Go easy on the fam, let it be organic.

  • fader77

    Sorry to everyone for all my drama here tonight. I just had a realization moment tonight I guess.

  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    I agree with Sarah, you both deserve to have a loving relationship and if you will never love her what is the point in staying with her. Have you considered marriage therapy to see if you can work through that? Many couples are able to change their relationships with the help of a professional. You may not be allowing your relationship to grow because you can't let go of someone that is not yours to have.

  • fader77

    You're right Aunty Fancy. I know you're right, but doing what's "right" isn't always easy. I know that I am wrong for not letting go of the gal I really love on the other side of the planet, but I really believe she is my soul mate. I just wish I had made the jump with her when I could. I'm also wrong for pretending to love the woman that is my wife, but I just can't seem to figure out how to change it all.

  • villagegirl

    fader77 , Aunt Fancy is right, your wife may surprise you.

    If you have not read Crisis of Conscience at least download it

    and read it online in private. You need to see what this sincere

    and humble former member of the governing body wrote and

    you will hear the ring of truth in it.

  • fader77

    I have looked for a digital copy of COC, but haven't found it. I have only found it in hard copy for sale. If I ordered it and it showed up, it'd all be over for me then. I may as well have just announced I was an apostate and left.

  • bigmac

    what a grim exsistence you live,, Fader---i can empathise with you.

    i was married young--at 20--to a 3rd gen born in. she finally divorced me after i quit the cult. i went on to meet and marry a lovely lady---we had 24 years together.

  • Mum

    Do you have any friends at work you can trust? You could ask them to get some mail (COC from Amazon) for you and bring it to work. You could read it on your lunch hours. The book that helped me make a clean bread was Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer, in which he discusses how ridiculous it is to live your life to please others and not yourself.

    Hospice workers have identified the five most common regrets of the dying. They are: (1) I wish I hadn't worked so hard; (2) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends; (3) I wish I had let myself be happier; (4) I wish I had had the courage to express my true self; and (5) I wish I had been true to my dreams instead of what others expected of me.

    You are allowing this cult to suck the life and joy out of you. You deserve better. Your wife deserves someone who wants to be with her.

    How old are your children? Encourage them to be themselves and not be concerned about what others think. Assure them of your love no matter what you or they do. They might secretly hate being JW's, as a lot of JW kids do. Let them know that they deserve to be happy and to live freely. Encourage them to discover their talents and use them in service to humanity, as there are much better ways to do that than "placing" Watchtower literature.

    Best wishes for a better future!



  • blondie

    Here is the script of his talk:

    his DA letter


    Use WinZip to do talk above


    Some days I get a little self-conscious
    Genuinely, the only reason I ever mention this is in the vain hope that it might help someone make their mind up (though I don't recommend the methods).

    The boy on the sound desk, that day, was completely dazed. I had provided the tape, before the meeting began, so I just retrieved my own tape.

    In the following two years the congregation halved in size, regarding Elders / Servants / Pioneers / Pubs / Attendees. Some have drifted, a few have DA'ed, a few more have left the territory (mainly to get away from the ignorant and arrogant Elders). Sadly that has started to reverse, with quite a number moving into the congregation. Local JW's take on a terrified look, when I meet them, but I don't really acknowledge them. With the way they duck their heads, when they pass in their cars, I'm certain they are going to have an accident

    The best advice I would offer, to those leaving, is simply to get their minds in the mode that they are no longer JWs and that they don't work to those rules anymore. The Elders no longer have any authority over them, nor can they cast any shadow of fear. If they do get DF'ed (maybe in absentia), well, so be it (Amen - LOL). If there's a need to stay in for the sake of family, do that. But whatever ya do, just make ya choices, pay the price, and do it wholeheartedly.

    Strangely enough, for someone who isn't particularly enamoured with "religion" (though overwhelmingly enthusiastic for spirituality), I do recommend trying a church at least once, if for no other reason than to break down that particular mental/religious barrier of fear. It's one of the strongest implantations the WTS has gone for and it's an easy one to be liberated from - simply use your feet to walk in and walk out (then feel free to tell me how awful it was, if that was your experience).

    The best revenge is a life lived well, and I'm certainly attempting that

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