First Post - Emotionally Torn

by scaredtospeak 64 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Oubliette

    They make me feel incredibly guilty about the choices I'm making to think for myself.

    Welcome, It is very telling that the worst crime a JW can commit is the one of which you are guilty: Thinking for yourself!

    Nothing screams, "Cult!" as loudly as this one thing. The irony of course is that you have to be able to think for yourself to see that. This is something your parents are not able to do at present.

    The reason you feel guilt is because you've been programmed to feel this way. You can become de-programmed and re-write your life. It's not easy, but it can be done.

    Keep thinking. Learn to think clearly and rationally.

    Hang in there. It gets better!


  • FadeToBlack

    Welcome, and I agree with what OEJ said. What's wrong with a continual search for truth? If we are really honest, we have to consider that everything we ever knew was wrong. That doesn't have to be a bad thing... Keep us posted on your journey. Regards from an old guy in Poland who wishes he was in your shoes (waking up early).

  • BU2B

    WOW you said "I am choosing between my life and my familys happiness" WOW WOW WOW. Like Talesin said, this now DEFINES MY LIFE IN ONE SENTENCE. It describes my daily struggle concisely.

    Even worse than meeting 2 times a week is not being able to express how you truly feel, and walking on eggshells around those you should be closest to. What kind of marriage does one truly have if you must pretend to believe something you do not to preserve it? What kind of parent child relationship is contingent on your pretending to believe what nameless, faceless writing staff in New York write in a magazine? It is a conditianal relationship of the foulest order. You could literally not hurt a fly, help the homeless, volunteer at the childrens hospital, soup kitchen, socialize at the old folks home, clean up oil spills, and they will view that as a weakness. You could be the best, most loving person person ever, but if you dont believe Jesus returned in 1914, or that the GB is not the FDS in Matthew, you become worse than Hitler.. At least he may get resurrected, as per WTS doctrine.. It is a sad state of affairs indeed.

    We also must ask ourselves.. Is living a lie worth it to keep THESE KIND OF Conditional people around? How important should they be to us with that kind of ttitude anyways.. We must remind ourselves.. They are the delusional ones,, not us. We have been programed however to deep down beliwve we are the bad ones. Food for thought

  • jgnat

    I am a grandmother and from that perspective, the parents cannot demand a child conform for their comfort. You see, well after I am gone, my granddaughter lives on. Only by freeing her to be her best can I truly enjoy the fruits of my labour.

    Parents defer to the children and when they are grown, they set them free.

  • Willow76

    Dear scared, your situation sucks. But it's not unique and not unique to JWs. Its a child growing into her own identity and her parents wanting her to clone their identity. Happens all over the world in every culture and religion.

    JWs do make it harder with their bizarre 'cut you off' cult rules. believe me, when my parents cut me off ( dif situation to yours, I was 29, married, in bethel bla bla bla) it def hurt them more than me.

    Without crumbling to their emotional pressure always remember they truly believe satan is attacking their daughter, it's truly heartbreaking for them and out of JW engendered fear they are acting this way. Treat them with compassion and love. It's def worse for them than you, because deep down they know the disfellowshipping law is Anti love.

    Be thankful for their love, for whatever the JWs gave you and tell them that... With maybe a back up in telling them what your learning. Remember everyone is entitled to their own reality no matter how different from yours.

    Getting out From JW propaganda is only the first step in truth seeking. Wait till you discover 'the matrix' for real. That EVERYTHING you see on TV and in newspapers is a lie manufactured to control you, just on a grander scale than the little JWs.

    Perhaps watch some David Icke, Gregg Braddon and Bruce Lipton on YouTube.

    Look up crop circles, UFO citings, Illuminati, the truth about the ponzi banking system, 911 set up, FEMA camps, the fact the US has more inmates than ANY nation in history EVER!! princess Diana's death, US warmongering and cruel colonialisation of so many countries right now, (US has 40 military bases surrounding Iran, Iran has 0 outside it's own country), US spends more on military than every other country in the whole world put together!! The 6 million Jews death myth... Did you know Red Cross recorded a growth of jew population a few hundred thousand over the nazi war years!! Chem trails, Monsanto with its GMO poison, vaccinations that cause 1 in 50 children to become autistic, the big pharma conspiracy to keep us sick and paying for drugs. Watch 'forbidden cures' and know there are many cures for cancer, all outlawed. I live next to a successful cancer clinic in Peru. People come with only months left and leave in a few weeks with no sign of cancer, this is outlawed in western countries because cancer is a one trillion dollar business.

    The list is endless. Don't feel bad that you were fed lies by the JWs, we've all been fed lies by authorities our whole lives. Follow your own path, find the truth that feels right to you and makes you happy. Control always comes from peers, that's how minor amounts of people keep authority over masses, through use of their peers and fear of disappointing them.

    love your parents, love all the JWs and know that Jesus teachings of love even for your enemy... That's the only way our world is ever going to heal. Love and compassion... And fading out slowly will be less painful for everyone involved:)

    blessings on your life's journey darling girl, it will be as beautiful and magical as you want it to be. Xxxxxxx

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    Welcome! Yes like you felt guilt when I first started to wake up. The more I learned the less the guilt. Keep up the learning :)

  • stuckinarut2


    The replies you have recieved show that you are not alone. You have support from such a variety of us here on the forum!

    There are members here who are young and old. Ones who have been long time elders and ministerial servants, pioneers, bethelites etc! Ones who have been involved with every level of the organization!

    All memeber here are educated, accomplished people in this world....yet we have a common theme and experience. Our lives have been affected by the organziation.

    I am still stuckinarut myself and struggling to break free, yet I am in my late 30's! Dont make the same mistakes as me and just go along with everything because you are told it is the truth... Rip off the bandage quickly and you will be able to heal and live a normal life!

    PM me or any of us anytime if you need a more personal chat or support!

  • rebel8

    I just want to know that someone out there has been through something like this and that maybe all this anguish and depression and feeling hopeless will go away.

    Of course, there are many of us.

    It will go away over time.

    This guilt is not coming from your parents anymore. It's coming from inside you. You were brainwashed (not a pretty word, but it's true) to feel this way. And now you need to unbrainwash yourself.

    Your parents' behavior may never change, but your reaction to it can.

  • Scott77
    "...I have plenty of conviction, and plenty of reasons why I don't want to be a Jehovah's Witness, but every time they look at me I feel downright criminal- like some sort of murderer. ..."

    It seems as if your parents behave and act as if they are high on "drugs". Religion is the opium of the people. JWs are drunk on it to the point of destroying their families. Sad but true.


  • daringhart13

    Please, please run while you can. Listen to what your gut is telling you!

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