First Post - Emotionally Torn

by scaredtospeak 64 Replies latest jw experiences

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  talesin

  Welcome!

  You said this, and it gave me shivers. It is exactly how I felt!

  I'm choosing between my life and my family's happiness.

  Release the chains!

  Know that happiness is a personal choice. Do not let the manipulation of guilt make your life a misery.

  If your family decides to choose the path of denial and shame, that is their choice. It is not your fault.

  Good advice above in the comments for reading.

  Take a deep breath, and realize that this will pass. Use the summer break to revitalize yourself and be ready for the fall term. Life, that is what you are experiencing now. It can be painful, yes, but also - oh, so sweet! As you shall see.

  Glad you are here, and remember - you are not alone.

  xx

  tal
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  zebagain

  I can not improve on the help available here But just a couple of things.

  If you are the youngest then your 'velcro' parents will cling like the said to hold you. I was the last of a big family and i was born to be the perfect child and cosseted and smothered along the way and we didnt know the 'truth' at that stage of life so your M & D just dont want to let go.

  There were some Awakes that stated it is not a bad things to scrutinize your beliefs but i cant recall which awakes said that. Others here can no doubt.

  Well you are out for a bumpy ride and this site is your seat belt.

  ps. Guilt is what we allow others to do to us. The WTS thrives on guilt trips.
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  LoisLane looking for Superman

  ScaredtoSpeak ... You have been given a lot of good advice already.

  So I will just say, welcome to you.

  LoisLane
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  Wasanelder Once

  Some people are taught from childhood that Santa is real. Would you respect anyone who allowed themselves to be emotionally blackmailed to hang on to that fantasy? Well, there ya go. No mo Jeho. You are obviously not baptized, thats a mercy. So you are making your choice. They don't sound as if they will disown you. Just love them and be honest, how can they respect you if you aren't? My family wasn't happy when I showed them that the flood story was impossible, but they are over it. Good luck.
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  NAVYTOWN

  Remember this: If you are a member of a religion and you decide to leave it and go elsewhere, see if the other members try to belittle you and guilt-trip you into staying. The more they employ those sorts of strong-arm tactics, the more positive you can be that it's a dangerous, mind-controlling cult. Run as fast as you can the other direction!!! If it's a legitimate religion they will respect your decision and allow you to follow your conscience and go elsewhere. Keep these points in mind when your parents, the elders, or anyone else tries to manipulate you into staying a JW. Best of luck!!
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  smiddy

  ScaredtoSpeak

  welcome , to the forum , and take heart that we all feel the turmoil your going through , but remember , its your life you have to live , not your mothers or your fathers , you have to make decisions that will define who you are , nobody else should do that for you.

  And please , dont be a victim of emotional blackmail/guilt that somebody else is trying to burden you with .

  If your family cuts you off / shuns you for the decisions you make with your life , its their choice , their decision , not yours. You havent cut them off nor have you shunned them.

  Dont blame yourself for a decision they make.......Take care

  smiddy
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  sarahsmile

  Yes, parents really know how to make you feel guilty!

  I remember how much my mother threw guilt trips on me for wanting to go to another church.

  Parents will control you until they realize you are making your own decisions.

  Later, they might look at you with disappointment but will say it is your choice and they love you. If not let them know.

  Just stick to your choices for now, because it is not like things do not change.

  Evolution or Creation are not life! They are just topics. It is not a matter of life or death to question or doubt Creation.

  Your parents made their choices and you have the right to make your own choices.

  Ignore the guilt trips, I am sure your parents will have plenty more to sling.

  Better that you were honest.
• 

  BluePill2

  Scaredtospeak: Welcome to the board. Count on us, we are here and support each other.

  To answer your concerns: Yes, most of us have been through the mental/emotional stages that you are in right now. Some stronger and for some it was easier, depending on your upbringing.

  I started awakening being a Bethelite and Elder. Getting out brought a lot of pain and complex problems. The guilt is certainly there, but it will fade, like many things in Life. The good thing about Life is that pain is also only momentarily (like joy or happiness). If you are studying Biology then you know well that it is only chemistry and electricity in your brain. Let your brain play "it's games" and with due time it goes away and something else comes up - that is more permanent and more important - the sense of freedom and a new mental peace, never known before. Out of personal experience I can assure you that this IS possible. I lost my complete family to the cult, including my wife and lovely daughter.

  People have fought wars and died only for freedom. You will be brave enough, like others, to get through this.

  
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  Cadellin

  Welcome! You ARE NOT ALONE. When I read your first post, I felt like I was reading my own story. The only difference is that I'm in my 40's and I went through my awakening about ten years ago, when I was already on my own and married to an elder. Here's what you need to remember:

  --Your brain is telling you that there is a problem (well, multiple problems) with this religion. Your brain, not Satan. Your brain is telling you this based on credible evidence. Listen to it. The credible evidence is not going away.

  --You are not responsible for your family's happiness and they have no right to imply that you are. You ARE responsible for being respectful and loving to your parents but that does not mean they should control your life or decisions (assuming you are eighteen or older. If you're not, hang in there--you soon will be).

  --There is a tremendous amount to learn. Being raised a JW means that, even if you consider yourself fairly well read, you aren't. Exercise your sentience and read credible, authoritative material about evolution, and other phenomenon, written by educated people who actually know what they are talking about (unlike most JW writers).

  --Read Ray Franz's Crisis of Conscience. It's amazing.

  --Get an education, even if you have to finance it yourself by working full-time. As someone who finally went to college in her thirties and is now a university professor, I can tell you it's worth it.

  --You are not guilty of wrongdoing. I felt like I had committed a murder when I finally started researching the Truth About The Truth. Yet all I was doing was exactly what we encourage people of other faiths to do about their own faith! This weird unwarranted feeling was strong evidence that my mind had been messed with.

  --Keep coming here and reading and posting. We want to know how you're doing!
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  BluesBrother

  May I add my hearty welcome, Scaredtospeak .....These are the first days of the rest of your life. We have all been where you are, it is hard , really hard to upset your family and ,in your own mind to come to terms with the thought that everything that one once knew as a fact - was untrue....

  The emotions of guilt are so hard to deal with, The WT does a grand job of blurring the lines between belief in them and belief in God. They make genuine people, like your family, really believe that to reject the Wt is a spurning of God...Personally I like the thought as expressed by Dr Wayne Dyer when he described guilt as " A convenient tool for manipulating others" . We have to recognize it for what it is - manipulation !

  I wasted most of my live in that worthless cause. I give thanks that you are young enough to start out fresh. This board is a great place to be. Keep posting because we want to hear from you.