What Bomb Will Be Dropped at This Years District Convention? (page 7)

DATA-DOG

" Theocratic History "

Two words that mean nothing.

DD

FatFreek 2005

Rub a Dub: "An update on the fate of those who died in Sodom and Gomorrah."

Here it is. The Sodomites WILL receive a resurrection, and that's our final word on the matter -- no, wait, -- word just in. Strike that statement. The Sodomites WILL NOT receive a resurrection, and we're not promising that is our final word. In addition, we are ordering all members, at risk of disfellowshipping, to not read The Great Watchtower Contradiction.

Len

EndofMysteries

"Something will happen that has never happened in theocratic history"

That statement combined w/ the complaints about empty hotel bookings, the GB would spread a rumor like that hoping to trick everybody into going to find out what will happen.

Too bad it's already leaked what the huge announcement is going to be!

Are you ready for the BIG thing that has never happened!?!?!?

"Brothers and Sisters, the faithful and discreet slave has an annoucement to make. We encourage everybody to get out your notepads and turn on your recording devices for this historical moment! The faithful and discreet slave has received NEW LIGHT from God himself! The spirit direction has revealed that 1 paper towel after washing ones hands is not enough. From this day onwards everybody will be allowed to use two sheets instead of just one! :THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE LASTING 2 MINUTES: Are we.....:THUNDER APPLAUSE STILL CONTINUING ANOTHER 1 MINUTE: Are we not thankful and excited for this new light provided through the faithful and discreet slave: THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE FOR ANOTHER 2 MINUTES:"

androb31

"Resolution 2014, all in favor of stoning apostates say aye, praise the governing body".

Natural feelings...from God or from the debil?.

Jehoober loves you so much, obey or die.

Paper towels are a privilege not a right....one per person per assembly!!

Walking around during the assembly makes Jehoober sad.

Armageddon is right around a corner, eventually.

If you don't like it, donate more.

Gregor

Who needs paper towels with all that old light wood pulp just gathering dust?

trujw

Along with the great blessing of bringing your coolers of food it is now required to bring your own toilete paper and hand towels.

prologos

fatfrek2005 there will be a S&D resurrection, but no same sex marriages in the resurrection, no marriage period. not even an erection in the resurrection.

SecretHeart11

I always see comments re: "one paper towel!" What did I miss?!

wearewatchingyouman

After 100 years Jesus is retiring as King of heaven to play golf as the ruler of one of the multitudes of Universes. Satan has repented, and Jehovah has decided to just let him keep earth along with the Milky Way. Jehovah will give him the palace in the Pleiades. Jehovah has invested in a cosmic RV, this will replace the fiery chariot, and will spend the rest of his days traveling the multiverse. No more paradise on earth. Jehovah has decided the Muslims 10,000 virgins plan sounded like a lot better time. Now get out there and spread the good news before Satan sticks a pitchfork in your ass. Oh yeah, we need more money too.

LisaRose

Blah, blah, blah, this world is in Satan's power

Blah, blah, blah, Armageddon is just around the corner

Blah, blah, blah, you aren't doing enough in theocratic activities

Blah, blah blah, we need more money

Blah, blah, blah, don't do anything fun.

Blah, blah, blah, aren't you grateful for this rich spiritual feast, we still need money

Blah, blah, blah

Exciting news, in order to have a fancy new place better meet theocratic needs, our new headquarters is almost done. Aren't you grateful for this fine theocratic progress? We know you will be happy to support this new facility, as we need more money, even though we are selling the old buildings for millions. .

What Bomb Will Be Dropped at This Years District Convention?

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