ALL JW's to be at the meeting this week...

by Newly Enlightened 56 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  ILoveTTATT

  omg lol'd so hard at dcms's post!!
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  JeffT

  "Don't put colored paper in the fax machine."
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  Newly Enlightened

  some good ones. as soon as our contact finds out, we'll post it.
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  keyser soze

  It will be a live feed of one of the Governing Body members reading the day's text in his bathrobe and slippers.
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  blondie

  
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  DATA-DOG

  SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT...

  I'M BACK, BITCHES!!!

  DD
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  RubaDub

  Those who died in Sodom and Gomorrah will be resurrected.

  Rub a Dub
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  DATA-DOG

  LOL Rub a Dub!! You forgot to add, " We love this idea!"

  DD
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  Pete Zahut

  Dear Brothers,

  As a cost cutting measure and to eliminate costly slip and fall insurance claims, baptisms will now be performed in the bathtubs of private homes rather than at the Conventions or Assembly Halls.

  • Local Elders may perform baptizims for anyone wishing to be immersed. Be aware that a Husband or Sister must be present when Baptising a female.
  • A Husband in good standing may baptize his wife and children but women must not baptize anyone.
  • Congregation members may volunteer their personal bathtubs for use by those wishing to be immersed but may have an unbelieving or opposing mate or as is the case for many of our recent converts, live in homes without indoor bathroom facilities.
  • Each Baptismal Candidate must fill out a (B-1975) Baptism Application form and answer the standard two questions checking either Yes or No in the appropriate box.
  • Applications must be submitted to the Society within 30 Jewish Calendar days.
  • A contribution of 150.00 has been suggested in order to cover the Watchtower Societies administratibe costs.
  • Each Candidate will receive a gold leaf Certificate of Authenticity (C.O.A) signed by their favorite Governing Body Member.

  In addition to the foregoing adjustments, we are pleased to announce that for a small contribution, Baptized Witnesses will now receive a gold plated pin for each year they have been Baptized. It is highly recommended that these pins be displayed on Publishers Bookbags or Lapels as an encouraement to one another as well as a means for us to identify any non believers in our midst.

  With the assistance of our Creator's Holy Spirit, we are certain you will adjust easily to these fine new arrangements and will find spiritual refreshment knowing you too are moving forward with Jehovah's growing organization.
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  Sapphy

  It will probably be the super secret special campaign for memorial season.