New & Anxious (page 6)

Frazzled UBM

SecretHeart - yes you were lucky to have a non-JW Dad to lessen the influence of the borg but still you were baptized and you married a born-in so maybe not as much as you might have liked? Did he make efforts as you were growing up to try to counter the organisation's influence or did he not really understand how insidious that influence was? Do yo u think there is something he could have done or said that might have helped you to avoid being sucked in by the organisation. The reason I ask these questions is because I want to do the most I can to protect my son from ending up in yoru predicament. As for you husband, I agree with bigmac that you have the whip hand - you just need to bejudicious how you use it. Just keep exposing him to unconditional love and talk to him about the negativity at the KH and how you in believe in him. I have been trying to get my wife to study the LIfe in the UK book so she can apply for uK citizenship and she tried to put me off and then admitted she was scared to do it and I explained to her that the only thing shyed ahd to fear was failure and that was nothing to fear as she could take it again if she failed. I emphasized that I believed in her ability to do it and that I would help her with it,including paying for her to take the test as many times as she needed to so she could pass. This caused her to change completely and my son told me she has been studying in her spare time. The poor Witnesses are so subject to tnegativity that when you shower them with positivity it can really start to change their outlook and sense of self-worth. I always compliment my wife's cooking because I know it is something she takes pride in. Take care, Fraz

SecretHeart11

Frazzled, my dad was definitely worried about the cult we were in (his words, I believe be even had a book when we were quite a bit younger about getting family out of cults, I seem to remember my mom ranting about that). He was terrified about the blood issue, but doctors assured him that we would get blood if we needed it since we were minors. I think he was afraid that if he pushed too hard my mom would keep us from him.

For me, and my personality, I was so timid and afraid of displeasing my mom as a child that I only got baptised to get the praise and love of her and the congregation and because my friends were doing it. My siblings had more outgoing personalities and would butt heads with my mom and neither of them are in anymore either. One is all the way out and one is just going through the motions (even less regularly than me) to keep family peace. Neither are married to baptized JWs (although one is married to someone who was never baptised or a publisher but was born in).

I love what you say about praising your wife. It's so true, I struggled with self esteem as a child and you would always hear from the platform about how we are never good people because of ourselves, it's because of being a Jehovah's Witness. You were never supposed to take credit for being a good person or being good at something. Like if you saw someone drop money and you returned it, it was because you were a Jehovah's Witness and you should tell the person that.

As far as making sure your son doesn't get indoctrinated, I think it depends on his personality. I had an uncle who I used to adore and look up to, he was really fun and smart. But he would go off on evolution rants or things like that, but that never really got to me. To me the things that started me thinking initially were the inconsistancies in how JWs professed to be and how they actually were. The disowshipping, the child abuse coverups. The lack of genuine love. The totally strange lack of charity. The unfairness that just by happenstance people who had the good fortune to die before Armageddon would have the possibility other resurrected but if you were born at the wrong time you would have to die. Things that didn't seem fair for a living good who had a perfect sense of justice.

One thing that I am making sure my children know is how UNCONDITIONAL my love for them is.

I wish I could help you more, but I think the reason I stayed in was my personality. I don't like confrontation and the easier way to avoid it was to do all the "right" things by the organization standard. My siblings were much different than me. I hope you can help you son become a balanced and fair thinker. You have a great advantage in that you're with your wife still, so there won't be long gaps where he hears nothing but "the truth".

Best of luck to you and I hope you're successful getting your wife and son out. You sound very loving and patient!

straightshooter

Thanks for sharing your experience and joining in this forum. Look forward to your future posts. It will be hard to stay on the balancing rope between the actual truth and the WTS teachings.

sleepingbeauty2

Love hearing of new ones waking up.. I too used to be quiet as a mouse, but since leaving I now have a voice & I'm not afraid to use it..

It's surprising how you change once the hierachy of elders, no longer have any power over you... I used to be so scared of saying the wrong thing, or sticking my foot out of line. I would literally find myself seriously concentrating on what I was saying, just to ensure I didn't say something that could be defined as slanderous or likened to a putrid fish spilling out of my mouth... I really hope one day that you will shake off those feelings of anxiety too & that you find your true inner voice...

SecretHeart11

Thank you sleepingbeauty2 & straightshooter. It is so nice to see all this support here when none of you even know who I am or anything. This was the support I craved growing up.

never a jw

Welcome secret heart. As my name indicate I have never been a JW, but I am married to one and have lots of relatives on both sides who are JW's. You got out at the right time. Save the children. Be patient.

It's been almost two years since I started my search about TTATT. I think I have been effective in getting my son (14, unbaptized) out of the cult. I just have to work with my daughter who happens to be baptized and, therefore, makes things a little harder. I am optimistic that lots of people will get out because the ORG is getting crazier and their constant tightening of the control screws makes it obvious that the monster is bleeding. Reading the magazines drive me nuts, but also makes me think that they are reacting to a very possible loss of control over the rank and file.

FadeToBlack

Welcome. Since you've been lurking for a while, you know there are a lot of us in the same boat. My wife is at the CA this weekend. I'm sure she is getting lots of encouragement to be kind to me and to be strong and one day I will come back. Not going to happen. At least she doesn't push me to go to meetings anymore. As a compromise, I agreed to start reading the bible with her and openly discussing what we read. I have been pleasantly suprised by her response. I'm just looking for additional leverage that will help push her natural personality to the surface. One day she will see the light, and I'll be there to support her.

SecretHeart11

Never a jw do you mind if I ask how old your daughter is and when she got baptised? Glad you've been successful with your son. I really hope I am successful with both my children. My fear would be having one in and one out and since I am baptised, having to choose between the two. Such an awful position to be put in (glad you won't have that problem, at least I hope you won't since you were never a JW!). It's hard to imagine that this is what Jehovah & Jesus would want.

SecretHeart11

FadeToBlack - good for you for staying home. I still go to the assemblies, but am there in body only to keep up appearances. It's hard to listen and makes me depressed. Even remembering being in a few parts when I was a child & teen on the stage, they put so much pressure and guilt on people that you never feel good enough. I hope your new routine with your wife helps her open her mind! I have had some good conversations with my hubby about some really sketchy situations that have happened with family members and elders (including some actual illegal spying... Creepy). He sees the hypocrisy of it all, so that is something at least.

integ

Ask yourself if the witnesses have ever been right about...anything?

The end is right around the corner.

They've been saying that for over 100 years.

New & Anxious

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