by hoser 46 Replies latest jw friends
I have a close family member who is a pro in using shame to try to make me feel bad. They are coming to stay at my place
"nuff said, they're under your roof, what the heck do you need help for? ? ?
If their so pompous like the usual JW go to their house and light a cigarette or while they're in the room watch a porn film, would they put up with that, why do you give them so much power under your own roof ???
Just tell him (her) if he doesn't stop he will have to go to a hotel and PAY for his accomodations.
Set limits at the beginning of the visit about what topics are off limits, and then stick to what you say.
"Religion is a private matter and I couldn't imagine discussing that with you. As the head of the household, I've decided it's not in our best interests to converse about this in any way, no matter what your reasons are. Having said that, I hope you will respect our wishes by not bringing it up directly or indirectly."
When they do (because you know they will), use the broken record technique and repeat exactly what you said before.
The second time they do, say, "I am not sure if you remember this or not but we talked about this twice already. What can I do to help you adhere to this reasonable request of mine?"
The third time say, "This is now the third time you're bringing this up, even though I've politely asked you not to. I am wondering if you would feel more comfortable at a hotel, so you will be relieved of the pressure you seem to be feeling due to being here 24/7. What do you think?"
Just call these ingrates and say personal matters have cone up that preclude them staying at your home. If they are rude enough to insist or question you further, just say the matters are personal and you prefer not to discuss the subject further. Then use the same technique if they ever again ask to stay in your home. Problem solved!!!
I find it difficult to comprehend why you would even want, much less allow, this person into your house.
How to deal with the situation? Make it known that this person is not welcome.
Cheeses. Not of the hospitable class when it comes to dealing with morons.
i have very zealous JWs in my family, pioneers, some volunteering in exotic countries. when they come to visit, they know this is not a topic to be discusses when i'm around. they ask if they are allowed to say a prayer at the table. they still try to put up all that caleb video crap with my child when i'm not around though. i don't like it but it doesn't do much harm either, once they're gone he always tells me "i don't like jehover".
These people are my parents. I am at a place in my life where I do not think it is emotionally healthy for me to have a relationship with them anymore.
Thank you all for your comments and advice. I was talking with the mrs and we will lay out house rules when they come through the door and if they break the rules they are not welcome in our house.
Clearly explaining the rules and getting their commitment to abide by the rules and penalties is probably the simplest way to go. Send them packing instantly if they give trouble at the outset.
Alternatively or additionally maybe...
Dear toxic family member:
"I have a simple question for you. Until you are able to answer this question to my satisfaction I will have to consider you spiritually weak and a risk to my spiritual health.
Is 'legalism' apostasy?"
(Or: "Is it honest to call yourself a 'publisher of the good news' if you are unfamiliar with the 'Good News' according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?")
Give them a year or two in your house and they will probably destroy you. But hey! Have fun!
Trust your instincts, hoser. People usually don't change no matter how delusional/hopeful we are. Become an expert at parameters/boundaries with them as soon as possible for your mental health. It's not going to be easy but start educating yourself about all this - there's a book called "Boundaries" which might help you. Also, there's the old standby book, Toxic Parents. Also, to really stand up to them check out an expert on the subject, Dr. Laura Schleinger's. You can check out her website or radio show - I think she's only on satellite radio these days. I've a couple of friends that swear by her when it comes to child/parent issues. I'm not saying I agree with her on a lot of things (politically, etc., etc.) or at least didn't many yrs. ago when my friends and I would argue about her views, but when it comes to the way children or adult children are treated by parents she's awesome. She protects children and that's all I care about.
She, apparently, saved a young girl yrs. ago from the watchtower. Maybe this gal worked for her - not for sure and heard this 2nd hand.
