Be honest. Am I an abusive Father??

by DATA-DOG 64 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  LoisLane looking for Superman

  It is 5:30 AM here in the North Pacific.

  Your 'speech' last night was troubling to me. It gave me nightmares. So I am 'up' when I generally would still be asleep.

  When I first read your op, I thought this does not sound normal for DD but what if it really was a 'cry for help'? I felt I must say something to you, to straighten you out so you do not continue to hurt your child.

  Are some of us, still in a way, children on this Board, that can still be hurt by an abusive person's thoughtless words ?

  I cannot read Watch Tower literature. It is abusive.

  I cannot read the Bible. It is abusive.

  Some threads, on child abuse, I cannot read or do not comment on.

  Have you ever heard the words 'trigger'???

  Your op triggered me.

  You never lived with a psycho mother or a psycho husband.

  I wrote how I know a child should be treated. I wrote how I would have appreciated being treated.

  I have been purposely 'broken' and I am trying to heal.

  I wish I never read your op.

  LoisLane
• 

  cognac

  I wish you had told us the point of this thread last night. I took this thread seriously and it had me up half the night thinking about it and I had to take prescription sleeping pills just to fall asleep.
• 

  tornapart

  Teens know exactly how to press their parents' buttons. Mine are all through it and out the other side now with no harm done on either side. They are good well-balanced adults.

  Yes, there were many occasions I wished I'd done/said things differently but no human and no parent of a teen with attitude gets it right every time!

  The biggest thing that made a difference for me was to apologise to my teen if I'd got it wrong. Words can crush and once they're out you can't get them back but apologising and saying 'I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry', makes a big difference. Many times it can cause the teen to apologise for their behaviour and you can start to get back on track with them.

  Edit: just seen your second post DD!

  Don't think 'mother' is ever going to apologise to us!!
• 

  wasblind

  The biggest thing that made a difference for me was to apologise to my teen if I'd got it wrong."____Tornapart

  So true

  Even in her adult years, I have apologised to my daughter

  Because I got it wrong . I got involved in a cult
• 

  nonjwspouse

  Now THIS type of thinking about ones self and this type of teaching from the borg makes my husbands self abuse when he makes a mistake he thinks is "stupid" make so much more sense. His parents are not the kind of people to say those things. At least not as I know them now. I doubt they ever woul say such things, but if it were to be pounded into him as a JW growing up with the talks etc, I can see how he would learn to feel like a "speck of dirt"not worthy of self respect.

  If anyone has good quotes pointing to this from WT material, especially from the 60's on, I would love to have the sources so I can compile them together for a possible future referance.
• 

  DATA-DOG

  Lois,

  I AM VERY SORRY. I fell asleep last night before I went back to the computer. I am sorry that I upset you. I know what you mean about triggers. The CA quote triggered me a bit. Thats why I started my post. SORRY, gotta go. I woke up at 2 am, worried about upsetting you.

  DD
• 

  mindnumbed

  Hey D-DOG, I'm glad I waited long enough on this one to see your real motive for the post.

  Do you remember the talk? I remember hearing that experience, possibly when I prepared the recordings of the CA (I didn't actually attend), just wondering if it was an experience purposely provided by "MOTHER" in the outline.
• 

  tiki

  don't beat yourself up too much DD.....sometimes these kids need a major reality check. "speck of dirt" wasn't the kindest descriptor - but you have to get the message across that they are dependent on you and ingratitude and churlish behavior is not acceptable. i'm not talking about chomping out a child's self-esteem here either.....there is a major difference between healthy self-esteem and self-centered selfishness.
• 

  DATA-DOG

  Stuck at the stupid CA, APOLOGIZING AGAIN, PROFUSELY..

  DD
• 

  Oh Gawd

  Reminds me of a story.

  Once my in-laws wanted to go on a weekend trip to a little town that had nothing for kids to do. My kids, about 8 and 11 at the time, hated the idea with a passion. It was obvious going was a bad idea. There was nothing for them to do and they would just be pains in butt all weekend. Considering neither my wife or I were excited about it either the decision to not go was easy.

  Well a few days later my FIL, an Elder, asks me why we didn't go. Not thinking much of it, I tell him the kids weren't into it as it was more of an adult outting so we (wife and I) decided to pass. My FIL then explained that my kids needed to be beaten. Yes , he actually said BEATEN! I was like, wtf is this idiot talking about? Since I'm 20 years younger than my FIL, about 6" taller and 40lbs heavier, I "gently" pushed him down into a chair and explained to him that beating an adult who advocated child abuse was perfectly acceptable in MY world and that ANYONE who ever laid a hand on one of my kids better be prepared to die a gruesome death.

  I still remember him sitting there scared shitless. Just total fear on his face as I further explained to him that how he felt right then was probably very similar to how his son felt when he was a kid being threatened by him. To his credit he ended up apologizing and has never said anything even remotely resembling what he id that day.

  My wife thinks it was successful because all JWs know is fear. It's what they respond to. It's what drives them. In her words right afterwards, "GOOD, now he's more afraid of you than the WTS so he'll behave". Four years later and she's right so far.