Be honest. Am I an abusive Father??

by DATA-DOG 64 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  JWdaughter

  I think it was a parental mistake. You blew it and I do think you owe him an apology. You also owe it to yourself to learn some language that puts him in his place as your minor child without reducing him to dirt. He is bone of your bones, flesh of your flesh. You don't want him to feel crappy about himself, just to develop a sense of worth that comes from accomplishment, not entitlement. Help him to accomplish something he can be proud of and let him know YOU are proud of him. I think he is going to need some extra reinforcement there. That speck of dirt comment may be hard to wipe out.

  If this was monumentally out of character-then it will have hit him harder, but he will also not be permanently wounded if you remediate it a bit. If you do that all the time, you are going to have a crappy life as a senior citizen.
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  smiddy

  I feel I need to add some more to my previous post : If your child is approaching puberty or in his/her early teens , then for sure its not easy dealing with them , they know it all and their indestructible ,and they can be a pain in the ASS . I`ve been through it with two boys who thankfully, are now adults.You mentioned that the child brought up your faults , isnt this where humility comes in ? sure I `ve got faults I`m only human , but guess what, you have faults too , would you like me to list them also ?

  DATA-DOG ,

  YOU are a speck of dirt. Who are you to complain about ANYTHING! What do you have to be proud of? Go stand in the corner, and think about that for awhile!"

  I think you really need to apologise for that remark

  smiddy
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  Look up authoritarian parenting vs. authoritative parenting.

  Oh, and you don't want your kids to think they are a 'speck of dirt'! Do you really want to send a person who thinks they are a 'speck of dirt' out into the world to get a job, find relationships and be all they they can be? What kind of jobs and relationships do 'specks of dirt' get?? You're supposed to tell them they are strong and smart and to teach them how to navigate the world in respectful ways and how to respect themselves. How does calling them a 'speck of dirt' leave them with any self-respect?

  And be really, really GLAD that your kids question you and are not robots. you want them to question authority and to use critical thinking. You don't have to give them their way, but don't squash questioning and critical thinking.

  This is a good teachable moment for you and your child. Scully is right. Model appropriate behavior.

  (my dad did this number on me and let me tell you that at 43 years old I still have his stupid words running in my head, telling me I'm nothing. Even though I know its not true...)
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  tec

  Are you really talking about something that happened with you and your child... or is this an analogy for something else?

  Peace,

  tammy
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  Bluesman1914

  I think tec got this one. I believe DD is performimg a spot on impersonation of a certain vowel deprived god of the old testiment. An abusive father indeed.
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  Julia Orwell

  Hey, [ blank ]. When you start thinking that you have a valid complaint, just remember this, YOU are a speck of dirt. Who are you to complain about ANYTHING! What do you have to be proud of? Go stand in the corner, and think about that for awhile!"

  DD

  I think you were ok to say that. Sometimes they need to know the world doesn't revolve around them. But I would also find opportunities to praise good behaviour or when they do something you want them to do. Bouquets and carrots are sometimes needed rather than just bricks and sticks.
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  Witness My Fury

  Douche
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  Daniel1555

  Hi DD

  Of course sometimes we can be angry.

  Patience is sometimes difficult. But just think that young ones oftwn think differently that we adults or fathers.

  If you apologize to your child he or she will learn a great lesson. That it is important to apologize when we say something hurtful.

  Have a good day. I know the convention is hard to bear.

  Daniel
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  Ucantnome

  it's not easy raising kids. one of my children needed a different kind of reasoning with than my other one. my father commented a few years ago when he was in his 70's about what good kids we (his kids) had been. a lot of that, from my perspective, had to do with being Witnesses and having a strong belief in God. my kids weren't raised the same (as Witnesses) and i didn't want them to be or have a relationship with their parents like i had. at times i have been angry and my child was left with no doubt that a line had been crossed and he needed to change. we have a good relationship. i think it is important to apologize when as a parent you get it wrong.
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  cofty

  After all, I am the head of the house.

  Where does that leave Mrs DataDog?