by jgnat 56 Replies latest jw friends
"Seriously, I think I am better off giving him more and more opportunities just to DO what he naturally loves doing. He'll never figure out why."
Just two thoughts...I hope I am not offensive, but sometimes I get the impression that you look upon your husband as an very infantile person....OK, it's your marriage. I am sure you treat him nice...at least sometimes And...could it be that his lack of self awareness is related to him being a JW?
No, his lack of self-awareness is congenital. I've grown to appreciate the strengths of his character through the years. It would have been easy to slide in to contempt, but then I would have missed all he adds to my life. I now eat regular.
skeeter, hubby has got his membership transferred to the local congregation. So no visitors. They count him as one of their own and restrict their hounding to those odd times they catch him at a meeting.
What about:
"I know it's hard to be motivated when you don't feel like you are accomplishing anything. Why do you think the organization does adopt methods that are more effective? The apostles walked, we drive. The apostles had hand-written texts, we used printing presses and now computers. Why not leave the door-to-door work for something more effective?"
Done that one, crazycate. I've been at this for a while.
Hi jgnat, Since you have hobbies, movies, and other fun distractions covered, how about using the 15-second principle in reverse? To overcome procrastination I tell myself that I will do something for 15-seconds and then end up spending a lot more time working on it. Ask your husband what would it hurt to spend another minute or two having a cup of tea (or somthing else that he enjoys) and distracting him by asking him more questions about how he is feeling or help him to feel good about what is disctracting him?
Special tactics during the winter would be to ask him "How are you feeling? Are you coming down with something? Would you like something hot to drink before you go?" Pamper him a little and show him that you care about him, because other JWs won't. Also, if you know that a storm is rolling in the night before, remind your husband that he needs to dress warmly tomorrow because of the storm before you go to bed so that he has time to think about FS in the storm all night long.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Here's some reverse psychology for you. I tell him how handsome he looks, straighten his tie, and tell him to go and get himself lots of converts. His look when I say this is priceless. It's "as if". He knows it's make-work.
LOL, he has the reverse fifteen seconds down to a fine art. He has a "headache" and takes his time getting out of bed. I simply don't disturb him. I have french toast ready for him when he finally gets up.
By afternoon the "headache" is gone. Cognitive dissonance is a b**ch.
Here's some reverse psychology for you. I tell him how handsome he looks, straighten his tie, and tell him to go and get himself lots of converts. His look when I say this is priceless. It's "as if". He knows it's make-work.
....hilarious.....
Seriously, I think you're right about letting nature take it's course.....
What worked for me with my JW hubby was a number of things, such as 'did you know' factlets about say the Pentacostals, Mormons or SDAs who attract more converts than JWs and they don't go door to door. If the cultist isn't triggered, you can say something like, "I guess their methods are more effective".
Also, on a Saturday morning decide you're going to make him a big batch of his favourite breakfast. Huge pan cakes helped my husband see that witnessing was not so important as he thought lol.
Jgnat, why should he be motivated to go door to door when he's got a babe like you? But seriously, he's lucky to have a wife like you who has the intellectual wherewithal (and womanly ways!) to entice him out of the organization. He clearly trusts you enough to speak out loud about his waning motivation. I must confess I would find it hard to be married to someone with a JW mentality let alone lacking self-awareness.
