Have you grown detached from caring about JW family and old friends?

by tootired2care 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • tootired2care

    Yes, I know all too well from the WT the dangers of social networking...LOL. I do tend to look at some of the things that I'm doing as boring, I'll give this some thought though. Thanks, and peace to you and yours as well.

  • rebel8

    No, I don't care. They were not nice people though, so I'm better off.

  • Hortensia

    I got very detached from my JW relatives, I still had contact with them all but couldn't invest much in them emotionally considering all that had gone before. Now, years later, I have a good relationship with one sister and am forging a better one with the other sister. No one is a JW anymore, BTW.

  • tootired2care

    Rebel & Hortensia - did you at least have a good hash out session or three that gave you some closure or basis for writing family off, or did things just remain unsaid and silent like they are in my family? In other words, did your conversations always skirt around the elephant in the room so to speak?

  • smiddy

    If my freinds and associates , all Jw`s of years ago ,(my wife and I had quite a few over the 33 years we were jehovahs witnesses) do not want to talk to me , then why would i want to talk to them ?

    I have sought out a couple of people with negative results. Some just dont respond , some say come back to JW`s and all will be forgiven


  • Phizzy

    I have come to the same position as most above, I no longer feel any desire to connect with old JW "friends", mainly because now I have nothing in common with them except a shared past.

    This is not to denigrate them as individuals, the ones I would have counted as friends were all lovely people, but we are now in seperate "countries", with a different language, culture and interests.

    I have integrated thoroughly in my new "country", the old one is a fading memory.

    It wrankles that family do not even tell us family news, such as a baby on the way etc. but we have come to accept that is the way it is.

    We have little in common with the JW family either, except blood, we are closer than we have ever been to our non-JW family, who frankly are not only genuine in their love, but a helluva lot more fun !

  • BluePill2

    Thank you tootired2care for this great thread. A angle that seldomly gets discussed.

    We have a big family that even lives close to each other - all witnesses - meeting up, grill parties, the usual wedding anniversary, in short: close ties. Most of my family is also very active and very close to the Borg. I was out of family gatherings for 10 years because of Bethel assignments in other countries. We couldn't afford to come and visit them very often, only every 2 years. We could only email and Skype.

    Once I came back to my home country I was very needy of "family warmth", I missed them so much over the years, but noticed that I was estranged. My sisters had close knit ties between themselves and my cousins, sometimes forgetting to invite my ex-wife to some witness girl gathering. She suffered with that. I felt alone and apart - even being still in. But then, I was also the Brother that left Bethel and stopped being an Star-elder - pictures of me even in the Awake magazine and once in the Watchtower. I told them one day that I feel like the soldiers that went to Vietnam: going off with fanfare and confettis and shiny boots, coming back as cripples in wheel chairs and being spat on as a war criminal.

    After I DA'ed myself.

    Mother: kept calling, writing lovely emails and begging me to move back with them. Father: is himself disfellowshipped, started to shun me and is trying to get back into the madness (because, no doubt, of my mother). One of my sisters wrote me a lengthy email saying that she rather wished to see me dead in a car accident then dissasociated. That was my last contact with my sister. I used to be her favorite sibling, took her the first time out, took her to her first movie, showed her how to drive a car. We had close relationship. All lost. 4 years and not one single contact.

    Until recently only one brother in law kept contact with me - he was (is?) like a real brother to me. Cutted off contact after the last District convention series. The worst has been that my ex-wife moved away to another country taking our little child with her and I haven't been able to talk to them for 2 years now.

    At first it was incredibly painful, it hurt like hell to be treated like that - like getting multiple shot guns from different people. As the past 2 years passed it fades away, sometimes it comes again in waves - the pain - and fades again. In truth: I am totally alone now (have one girl friend). I don't know what to say. There are days where I am glad they are shunning me as we don't have anything in common anymore and my family is very toxic to my mind and soul and then there are days where I miss them so much and the hurt comes back. All in all, I think it is better that everybody goes their merry way. I miss my child - every single minute of my days. That hurts the most.

  • KiddingMe

    Yes, I know all too well from the WT the dangers of social networking...LOL. I do tend to look at some of the things that I'm doing as boring, I'll give this some thought though. Thanks, and peace to you and yours as well.

    While you may view college as boring, I'm sure your know it's a great accomplishment and something to be proud of- consider posting pictures of small milestones along the way, such as a snapshot of a good test score, final grade, the book cover of a new class your about to begin. You can apply this approach to just about anything you are doing throughout the day, weeks or months. You said life is a breath of fresh air, maybe you can somehow show that through your post. For example, take a quick pic of the current skyline, when you encounter such moments, with a simple caption, "My current view"- if this fits your personality. Show them from a distance you are good.

    As time goes on, it could be therapeutic to look back over your postings. At the same time, to a certain degree, it keeps your close JW family on the emotional hook. Don't let them off easy.

    I am not friends with my children on social network. Before, I started waking up to TTATT, it would trigger something in me, when other non-witness friends and relatives would tell me about something they read or how proud they are something on my child's page. The trigger had to do with the fact that the things my relatives and others would mention were normal everyday things but, they are not always viewed that way in "JW" world. Things, that interest them and reflected their real personality and growth, like a few lyrics to a song, a picture of a poem, a picture of a fun time they had with friends, a trip they went on.

    Parents naturally want their children be happy, do well, and to be proud of them. I started asking myself, if everyone else is noticing and acknowledging these things about my children, how could I not? What is wrong with this picture? Maybe I needed to reevaluate? Its sort of peer pressure, if everyone else saw good, then maybe I'm wrong?

    I said all of that to say, it could trigger something in them, even if it's deep down (for a split second) to see their child doing well and accomplishing something as significant in life as college. If you are friends with them on social network, they will see other's positive comments on your page, if you are not, they will hear it through the grapevine.

    Don't let them checkout easily. Worst case they will know you are doing just fine without the control of the WTS.

  • Black Man
    Black Man

    Good thread!

  • blondie

    My jw relatives are dying off. The ones who remain "shunned" us as jws, active jws, my husband an MS then an elder. Some jws can't just judge worldly people as doomed to die but also jws at their KH.

    Lately I have run into jws from my old days. The standard greeting, "are you going to meetings?" My response, "why are you asking that?" It turns out they "heard" I wasn't. Then why ask. Then they complain to me about how things run at the KH...no chime in from me though. Just , "sounds to me you are still going to the meetings, so you'll have to adjust, right?" Two of them said they were going back because of family. Me "if that works for you."

    If you reach out, do it for your own well-being; don't expect any thank yous.

Share this