Have you grown detached from caring about JW family and old friends?

by tootired2care 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • love2Bworldly

    I am actually relieved that my JW sister has no contact with me but mostly because she is mentally ill & full of drama and she was always causing problems in the rest of our non JW family. I actually don't miss her at all. I am sad that I can't be close to anyone in the family except for my cousin. I have 2 other siblings who are bat shit crazy & one is mean so I steer clear of them.

    I am sad that a girl I was as close to as a sister for 10 years won't have anything to do with me, we had a lot of good times together as teenagers. The other regret I have is that most people have childhood friends they keep in contact with, but since I couldn't be friends with "worldly" people, I didn't make friends with people I went to school with. Very isolating and sad way to live. Thank God I'm out!

  • BluePill2


    could I ever trust them? Would I ever want to have anything more to do with them?

    Probably not.

    I have been watching a series in National Geographic called: "Banged up abroad" (or in some countries: " Locked Up Abroad ") It is about people that go down the wrong path of drug dealing (most of the time it is about people that became desperate for money and a "friend" introduces them into the drug smuggling world). Anyway, they end up in prison and tell their stories and what really called my attention, almost all of them say that they felt strength to carry on with their mistakes once their families call them/write or call re-assuring them that they have forgiven and will help them no matter what! Sometimes they have hurt their family members and caused great pain and still they can count on their support.

    I was flabbergasted after watching one of the episodes when my girlfriend suddenly said: "See, even drug dealers and murderers get more compassion from their relatives than you. It seems that the witnesses treat you worse than these families treat their drug dealer sons."

    That really hit home. It is true. The treatment & shunning practiced by witnesses is not normal and goes beyond human nature and what is natural.

  • clarity

    Excellent subject


    This thread should be required reading to all who study with

    jehovah's witnesses ...... before baptism!


    Is the feeling, sadness, when living through shunning & cold

    shouldering ... by those who supposedly love us?


    Or is it more SHOCK.... sort of an 'out of body' experience.

    Like .... can this be real, pinch me so I can wake-up!


    I am still standing there, with my mouth hanging open, stage,

    sometimes I'm amused ...but more & more I am detaching

    and creating a wall around myself ... to keep them at bay!


  • Xanthippe

    BluePill2 thank you for the hug. I was so sad reading your account. So sorry about your child. Will you ever get to see your child again?

  • Bruja-del-Sol

    @BluePill2: Yep, freedom is expensive these days Sad to read that you don't know where your parents live anymore. When I got married again five years ago I've sent my parents a wedding-card and the same calendar we gave everybody at the wedding (with our names and wedding date printed on it). On the back of the envelope I wrote my new address. Later I've heard that they shredded it all. So when we emigrated to Spain early this year I left without notice. They have no idea where I live right now.

    I've also seen some episodes of 'Locked up abroad' and came to the same conclusion as you did: as an ex-JW one is treated worse than most criminals will ever be by their own family. How crazy is that

    @Xanthippe: I've seen that same 'play' with my family. When my (non JW) grandmother died, my dad called me out of the blue and told me that if I wanted to attend the funeral I was welcome to come. So I did and brought my then fiance (now husband). What happened there really shocked me. I was prepared for being shunned by my parents and siblings, except for my non JW sister (she's lovely), but quite the contrary happened!

    My brother kissed and hugged me, my other sisters cried and hugged me, my mother came to me and kissed and hugged me (something very weird, she was never very cuddly towards me) and even my dad was warm and loving. I was flabbergasted and of course, being the sissy I am, I started to cry and was afraid I would never be able to stop.
    My mother even dared to ask 'why are you crying? It's all right now'... And she had me there... I believed her... (should've know better though).

    Of course the rest of the people attending the funeral were all non JW's and a lot of them were relatives of my mother (it was her mother that had died). Afterwards we were invited to drink coffee with all of them at the funeral home, so we did. One of my sisters gave birth to her son a couple of months before, but she didn't send me a birth announcement card. After the funeral however she came up to me with my new nephew and asked me if I wanted to hold him for a while, which I did. It was the weirdest thing... Normally I would have been the first to visit when a new baby arrived in the family, now this baby was already a couple of months old and I had never seen him before. His sister, my niece, was around nine at that time and I overheard her saying "aunt Bruja is crazy"... which really hurt me, since I did nothing but love her ever since she was born, but apparantly that's what they had told her, that I was crazy. My sister, her mother, heard it as well and shushed her immediately! Yeah right... too late, I heard it!

    After the coffee my mother asked me if we wanted to join them, since her cousin and his wife were coming over to my parents house... My jaw dropped... I hadn't been to my parents' for years and now my mother was inviting me! I couldn't resist, so we went there. It was really nice. I talked to my brother, my sisters, my parents asked us about our life, what we were doing, just normal stuff like nothing had ever happened! And again I bought it... I believed it all, it felt so genuine. I really thought this was the turning point, everything would be allright from that day on and we would become a normal family after all and live happily ever after.

    W-R-O-N-G T-H-I-N-K-I-N-G!!!

    The minute we said we were going to head back home, I saw the looks on their faces change. My brother and sister stepped back into their cult personalities and when I asked if we could email each other every now an then, just to keep each other updated about how things were, they both replied that this was not an option. "You know what to do if you want contact with us", "you've abandoned Jehovah", "you have to be reinstated before things can be good again" etc.. The blinds came down again, the shunning started that very second all over again.

    After that I've never heard from them again*. I put a blog online shortly after the funeral to vent my disappointment, I realized my parents just needed me at their house to show the 'worldly' relatives of my mother that she had a happy family and all her children together. If I hadn't been there some questions might have been asked about their missing daughter... 'where is she? what happened?'... The family is not very positive about JW's. The embarressment to have to tell them the truth would've been too big for them, so they'd rather let me in their home to let me play my part in their charade. I felt disgusted when I realized I had been used and I wrote that whole story in my blog. My mother and youngest sister read it too, and they started a smear campaign on the internet, writing anywhere my husband or I wrote something that we were swindlers and telling lies about us. Up until today this has snowballed through the internet and other people (whom we've never met) started to add more lies to it. So when you look up my real name in Google, or my husband's, it looks like we're sort of a 'Bonny & Clyde'-couple... Really hurtful, since none of it is true, but there's nothing one can do to fight the so called 'free speech', anybody can write whatever they want about anybody. No proof needed, lies, hearsay, just write it down and post it online. The internet and Google will make sure it spreads like oil in the Gulf of Mexico...

    * Oh yes, last year I received an email from my brother... asking me if I had any recordings of a song I used to play and sing, since he wanted to learn it too and couldn't find it on youtube... This year I found a lesson online with that specific song, so I sent him the link and wrote a few lines. I received an email in return that contact was not an option as long as I was DF'd and that he would wait patiently for me to return. Can you imagine that??? He needs something and contacts me, but when I contact him it's not an option to stay in touch. The hypocrite

    So that's my story, that's why I closed my door for most of my family. And actually, writing this whole thing down makes me wonder why I even hope that my sister and brother will get out of the cult... I don't think I have anything to say to them anymore.

    Sorry for the long story, had to get it off my chest now the topic's been brought up

    @love2Bworldly: I have that same regret. No friends from my youth... well, that's not quite true... My husband was my classmate and we fell in love when we were in school, 16 and 18 years old. But my parents didn't approve since he wasn't a JW, so he was kicked out of my life by my father. Took me nearly 18 years to find him again and now he's my best friend EVER and the one that knows me the longest (and the best, sometimes better than I know myself )

  • clarity

    Bruja ...

  • Hortensia

    Tootired2care -- We never had a discussion to hash it out. My mother asked me once why I didn't go to the KH any more. I told her I didn't believe the Bible, not one word. She asked why not and I said, "there's no point in discussing it, Mom. I'm not going to change my mind." And that was that. We just never talked about it again.

  • JimmyPage

    When I first discovered TTATT I wanted to keep my JW friends. But as time went on, being around them and hearing their constant pro-WT comments drove me away from even the ones I really liked. Sadly, that even includes some of my relatives. I try to engage their authentic personality as much as possible, but the cult personality pops up so often that it's difficult to stomach.

  • Etude

    For my mom and her sister (my aunt), it would never occur to them to have shunned me, absolutely out of the question. My sisters, on the other hand, acted differently from each other. The older one acted more like my mother and aunt, at first. The younger one would not stay in touch with me. Later, the younger one started fading from the organization and actually came to live with me. She expressed regret at having shunned me and rued that she missed so much time with me. When my older sister and I got into it one day (over snail mail), I reminded her how poorly she acted by staying in touch with me because that's not what the WTBTS recommends. I included an article from the Watchtower showing how shunning is a good thing and brought one person to reconsider and return to the organization. I told her she should have acted like my younger sister did at first. Unfortunately, all six nephews and nieces think I'm a spiritual leper. It hurts because not matter what, I know we can never have the good that could have been. Otherwise, I don't care and there’s nobody else that matters. I have been able to establish connections on FaceBook with a lot of ex-JWs I knew. But nothing really close.

  • fakesmile

    this is a great question. YES. those people alienated themselves. F- em. i have no time for folks like that; my family included.

    EDIT. "a relationship built on expectations... sure to be disappointment". either confucius or yoda.

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