Good Morning Miss Fit.
Perfect 1: how? Within what?
When you look back on this time, you may realize that you WERE strong even though you right now you dont FEEL strong.
Within yourself of course.
for most people GOD is an external being, outside of yourself, that you need to pray to, thank, and avoid angering. Maybe there is an intermediary like Jesus or the Governing Body or the Holy Spirit. Honestly I dont mind if that works for you or anyone else, but it NEVER worked for me.
I understand you feel like a shell. I guess that means empty inside. In some case empty inside could be an ideal state of mind, but I am guessing for you this is a painful hollow numb feeling.
My advice to you, then, is to try to find some spark within yourself that feels authentic and real. The spark could be something you have always wanted, something that makes you happy, something that makes you really angry, but more than the thing, it is a feeling that burns a little, and has the potential to get bigger.
I do a form of mindfulness meditation that has given me a lot of strength in life, and meditation doesnt have to be religious, nor does it open you up to demons and whatever else the JWs say.
As someone who was born in and indoctrinated, I still have the effects of being a JW embedded in me- despite the fact that I have moved on with my life, met personal goals, etc. For one thing, I find it difficult to imagine the future. I find it difficult to imagine being happy.
Actually, I am very happy, and I am so content in my life I am honestly surprised every single day just because I taught that there was no future for me or anyone else and that happiness is not possible in this world.
So: my point is this: even if you are incapable as I am of imagining a happy future for yourself, KnoW that it does exist, and it is possible for you.
On a practical level, you could start to INVEST IN YOURSELF. Add value to your life buy pursuing an interest, taking a class, doing some soul searchign to examine what you might want to do with this life which will unfold before you.
The sad, sad fact is that the faithful JW spends his or her life waiting for an empty promise, and sacrifices all and everyone to a future which never comes, and is then shocked by the lonely, tedious future which does.
Learning to work with this life you have now and enrich it is the biggest challenge, and one I wish you luck and encouragement in.
My main point::
IMAGINE YOURSELF HAPPY
