Being pressured and getting increasingly stressed.

by NBird 55 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DesirousOfChange

    Hello, I'm a 17 year old born in and I'm done with this religion.

    The VERY MOST IMPORTANT thing for you to do right now, is develope a plan to get a good education!

    LOST GEN: Memorize this line - "I've made the decision to model my life after Jesus, he got baptized when he was 30 years old. That tells me he recognized the seriousness of the decision and I am looking to him for an example of how to act in all ways of life."

    EXCELLENT advice......except.........DO NOT MENTION 30 YEARS OLD................say it this way: "Jesus did not get baptized at an early age", etc.... of it will look like you are putting it off for over 10 years.

    Also, ask troubled questions about the religion and esp about local problems that challenge the claim it is Holy Spirit Directed. State that these are "concerns" that you have to have answered.

    Oh, yes,................did anyone advise: DO NOT GET BAPTIZED ???


  • flipper

    NBIRD- Welcome to the board ! DO NOT GET BAPTIZED. I'l repeat once more : DO NOT GET BAPTIZED. All it will do is complicate your life even further than it already is and THAT is an understatement. You think your every move is being scruinized right now in an unbaptized state ? If you get baptized the elders will try to look in your bedroom window to see how you change your clothes or what underwear you desire. I'm being sarcastic- but it's not far from the truth. I would start planning for college and an education and start planning on how you will find a place to live if your mom gets all pushy towards you trying to control our destiny. Your mom's statement that her studying with you is " your arrangement " is not true of course. It's HER arrangement designed to indoctrinate you and bring you under WT mind control against your will.

    I would start fading and not attend meetings and plan a course of action that will eventually assist you to get your physical freedom as well as your mental freedom. It may take a couple years, and hopefully in the interim your mom won't get all controlling. But I wouldn't bet the ranch on it. Make your plans now for the next few years. My 2 cents. We are here for you my friend

  • Watchtower-Free

    do not get baptized.

  • problemaddict

    Get baptized! Just kidding.

    Look at 17 you are very young. Good for you for thinking this out. JW's are a pretty high control group. I would say to continue to research. Have it in your mind. Try not to be too "negative" because it could cost you your family and while that doesn't seem like a big deal when you are really is.

    You can't be worried about the person studying with you having feelings of guilt later. He counts his time, I am sure is sincere, and not everything works out. I studied with kids, some of which never made it in, some did. Guess how I feel about that now! Completely reversed of course.

    You need to be very careful to be as little of a surly teenager as possible. Excel in school, get happy and excited about your future and let it show. Fluff the study. When you are studying something that doesn't make sense or you disagree with, ask about it. ASKING QUESTIONS while studying for baptism is totally allowed. In fact it is the only time.

    Be there for your family. They will need you someday. Think about the man you want to become, and live an authentic, courageous, and loyal existence to that end.

  • Unicorns

    As someone who managed to make a clean break from the religion at the age of 20, it sounds to me like you're already making a good start. Not hanging out with Witness kids and trying to avoid 'spiritual things' is going to be a huge help. If you're really 100% done with the religion, do not give into the pressure to get baptized. If you don't get baptized, then you can honestly say that you never chose to be a Jehovah's Witness.

    What helped for me was getting a job. For whatever reason, my parents eased up on me a LOT once I started working. My job allowed me to skip every Sunday meeting, avoid Saturday morning field service, and because I would get home from work about an hour before the bookstudy, I'd just say I was too tired to go to that too. So I ended up going to maybe one or two meetings a week, at most.

    Making friends outside the Kingdom Hall is great. It helps you get used to normal socializing, not to mention the fact that they're not going to bug you about your field service hours or ask when you're going to get baptized. Not to mention, they're way more fun to hang out with and you don't have to hide who you really are around them.

    As for the baptism, luckily I wasn't under too much pressure, but whenever I was asked, I just told them that I wasn't ready yet.

    Tell your Mom that you're not really comfortable doing a study with this guy in your hall and that you'd rather study alone. Then do the shittiest job of studying that you possibly can (my method was to speed read and just highlight whatever looked right). It might be enough to satisfy your Mom.

    Definitely save up money for moving out, and if you do have 'worldly' friends, see if maybe you can arrange a roommate situation with them so that you can move out once you turn 18. Or better yet, try to move a bit farther away, so that your absence from the Kingdom Hall won't be noticed.

    But once you move out, that's it, you're done. You don't have to live this lie anymore. I've been to one meeting since I moved out of my parents - a Memorial, and it's been getting close to 10 years since I've moved. You're in a position where you should be able to make a really easy, clean break from the religion without any of the heartache that people who have been trapped for years have had to go through.

    You can do this!

  • LisaRose

    Practice a few ambiguous statements to use when appropriate, so you don't inadvertently say to much. A few examples:

    I have my own theocratic goals (to get out as soon as possible)

    I don't like being pressured, it makes me not want to study at all (not that I did in the first)

    I will pray about it (please Jehovah, get me out of this cult

    I appreciate all your efforts to raise me in the truth (gag)

    This is a very important decision, I don't want to rush it (I'll get around to it when Armageddon comes or hell freezes over, which ever comes first.)

    You get the point, find something That comes natural to you, practice it until you can say it easily, and deflect, deflect, deflect.

  • gma-tired2

    Don't submit to baptism. It is NOT the protection parents think it will be. Why are they pushing the very young to be baptised because most if they follow in Jesus footsteps/and wait to 30 we are at the stage of life to finally use our own critcal thinking and start to question those in authority. My heart is with you and may you make the best decision for yourself.

  • rebel8

    Don't get baptized. Keep saying you're not ready. Search for and find an article in their literature which says a person must be mature and ready.

    Say you are taking this very seriously (true!) and you need to feel ready when you dedicate yourself to Jehovah.

    Stop saying you don't like studying or anything negative about the dubs. Just avoid endorsing the jwbabble.

    Be prepared at all times with various small talk topics to discuss. News stories, or the latest congregation gossip. "Have you heard how Brother Jones is doing with his broken leg?" "I wonder what book will be released at the assembly?" Have them right at the tip of your tongue so you can just spit them out without notice to get out of a jam.

    If you feel sick about what's going on, simply put your hands in your pocket and give someone the finger. It will give you a lot of satisfaction without being rude or getting in trouble.

    I used to "take notes" in Gregg Shorthand, so I looked fully studious and spiritual on the outside. I was actually writing, "Lies," "Hypocrites," "Idiots", stuff like that. It was not insulting anyone because they didn't know what I was really writing...but it helped me to cope a lot. (Once someone asked me to transcribe my notes for a sister who missed the session, and I had to pretend I lost them. lol)

    In the meantime, plan your escape. How are you going to get out of this household when you're 18? How will you support yourself, and all that? Get ready.

  • nugget

    To buy you time I would say to your mum that you appreciate the effort she is going to with the study but as she says it is your arrangement. You do not feel the current arrangement is helping you to make the truth your own as you feel you are being prerssured and don't have time to take things in properly. This may be ok in the short term but it will not help you long term. Certainbly having others set spiritual goals for you means you are not having an opportunity to build a personal relationship with God or grow to maturity.

    You want to take a break form this arrangement to give you time for personal study and reflection so you can build your own foundation. Then you can tell her you will restart the study when you have something to offer rather than just learning lessons by rote.

    Do not allow yourself to get into a debate deliver the statement and walk away. If she asks to discuss it just say you have taken the matter in prayer to Jehovah and you are confident that this is the best course.

    In the mean time try to find a part tinme job to give you some financial independence and the opportunity to have work commitments that occasionally encroach on meeting attendance.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Don't submit to baptism. It is NOT the protection parents think it will be.

    When I felt pressured as to why our teenagers were not baptised, I would say that I dislike the fact that if a baptised youth makes a foolish mistake (boinking the neighbor girl) he is DFd and even his parents are not supposed to help him spiritually. However if he had delayed baptism until really spiritually ready, the Congregation would be willing to assist him to become stronger in The Truth(TM) and overlook the foolish error of youth and hormones. I always had a couple names to use as examples of each case. 1) The teen pioneer that went off the deep end. 2) The prominent elder who waited until 21 to get dunked.

    Likely you can site the example of some super-duper zealous teen (or pre-teen) who got dunked only to get DFd a few years later. Where are they now? Gone. Makes early baptism seem like a bad idea, doesn't it.


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