Being pressured and getting increasingly stressed.

by NBird 55 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi NBird, DITTO what others have written about do not get baptised. I don't know if it will work, but I like what LostGeneration wrote to justify your position about being baptised as a JW. Also, do not worry about what JWs think of you and about you - it is the WTBTS's BITE induced phobias that are causing you to worry. You want to be a cult surviror instead of being victimized by the WTBTS.

    I would also ask your mother if she loves you unconditionally and tell her that you love her unconditionally and that you are too young to make such an important decision. If she responds to you with a yes, then ask her how she would treat you and why, if you were baptized a JW and then you changed your mind about being a jW.

    I would recommend that you do the following to help you make your plan(s) to become more independent from your parents, get a university/trade education, to fade from the WTBTS, and, if possible, help your parents to awaken:

    • Do not use drugs, drink alcohol, dress provacatively, swear, and have sex while you live with your parents to hopefully reduce your parents trying to pressure you to get baptized.
    • Delay getting baptised as a JW for as long as possible, and hopefully never. You can start more threads asking for more detailed help to overcome your JW family and friends' pressure to become baptised. Ask your parents and study conductors to explain simple questions that they will find difficult to answer. Something like "Why did the WTBTS once promote "This generation shall not pass and then changed it to overlapping generations (do not accept platitude responses from them you can also ask them why the WTBTS predicted the end in 1978, 1914, 1925, 1975 in the Watchtower)? Since the Bible states that no one, except jehovah, knows when Armagaddon will occur, why has the WTBTS made such predictions and why should you not get a better education so that it is easier for you to help your parents when they retire and may need your help."
    • Post as much as possible on JWN to either vent your frustrations and to ask for help about specific points of your plan. It is better to vent your frustrations on JWN then to JWs. Connect with other young people on JWN who are going through (or have gone through) what you are going through now to ask them what worked/didn't work for them. There seems to be a lot of teenagers posting on JWN lately.
    • Visit websites such as,, and, and to name a few to research the WTBTS's history and changes in doctrines. Make sure that you erase the browser history everytime you visit non-WTBTS approved websites on the computer that your family uses.
    • Visit Steve Hassan's website to learn more about the BITE control techniques that the WTBTS does use and how to overcome them. If you cannot afford to purchase Steve Hassan's book "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs" in an ebook format, see if you can either checkout his books at the library or at least watch the following two videos of Steve Hassan at least twice: "Steve Hassan explains SIA method to rescue loved ones from unhealthy situations (2003)" and "Steve Hassan at NYC Ethical Culture Society February 2013.
    • Make more non-JW friends. When making new non-JW friends, ask yourself what do you admire/like about the person. I would recommend making friends with people who have a vision/idea of what they want to accomplish in life such as going to the university and staying away from people who just want to get drunk or high.
    • In high school take classes that will help you to get a job. Learning about/how to touch type, building things by hand in shop classes, computers, mathematics, and science are very important subjects to take if you have an interest and aptitude for them. By the way what interests you? Have you considered writing a thread about what type of jobs to look for as a teenager that will not offend your parents?
    • Ask your high school guidance councilors to help you make decisions about what you should study in high school to prepare yourself for the university and getting a part-time job. It might help to explain to your councilors that your were raised a JW and to ask them to do research themselves about the WTBTS and BITE control.
    • Start asking your parents simple questions to help them see what the WTBTS is and helping them to make more non-JW friends such as friends with parents of your friends. Reading Steve Hassan's books and posting on JWN will help you to help your parents.
    • Ask your parents to do fun things with you, to do fun things with non-JWs, and/or to learn about topics that will take a lot of time away from attending WTBTS meetings and reading WTBTS's propaganda. A very time comsuming topic to learn and one that will help you and your parents later in life is to learn about investing. If you lived in the USA, I would recommend going to the TD Ameritrade website and learn how to use ThinkorSwim to learn more about investing.

    Best of wishes to critically think for yourself and get through the double-whammy of being a teenager and a JW.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • cha ching
    cha ching

    How about saying something like this? "Mom, I don't think I am going to study with brother so & so anymore. He is trying to live my life for me, by setting goals for me, I want to set my own"

    "Getting baptized is like getting married, and I want to make sure that I am doing it because I want to, not because of pressure."

    and like LostGeneration said, and I totallllly agree.... "Jesus wasn't baptized until 30, and he was a perfect human being.. I am going to follow his example & wait. God doesn't want me to do things because of pressure from other people."

    Getting a job is good too! Yep, good idea... or, take some extra college classes at night? (When you are in high school, at least where I live, classes count double for you.. They count toward high school graduation, and you get college credit using the same amount of time & energy)

    As all have said before me, do not get baptized.....

    wishing you well, hang in there!

    cha ching ;-)

  • Sammy Jenkis
    Sammy Jenkis

    Bring up your questions during the studies that way when you're asked why haven't you or when are you going to do such and such you can always reply, "Well there are still some things I'm not too sure about and need clarification before I take those steps."

    I agree with everyone else, at least if you're not baptized you won't lose your family.

  • yourmomma

    honestly, i think if you just go through the motions for a while longer, things with this guy keeping track of you may fizzle. so kind of just do it, but not act excited and he may get tired of trying, JW's do that all the time. just kind of get numb to any person that tries to push you and just play it off, then when you turn 18 or are at an age to get your own place, then you can fade. DO NOT GET BAPTIZED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES IF YOU WANT ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FAMILY.

  • cofty

    Hi and welcome.

    You have got some good advice already.

    Number 1 is - DO NOT GET BAPTIZED!

    Number 2 is - SEE NUMBER 1

    You are fortunate to wake up while you are still young. Set your own goals to do with education, friends/social life and career.

    Your parents are going to give you grief but the alternative of living a lie to keep the peace is worse.

    Be clever about it. Stay in control, leave when it suits you.

    Best wishes.

  • fresh prince of ohio
    fresh prince of ohio

    "I just don't think I'm ready to get baptized yet. I know that the general thing is to do it when you're 12 or 13, but I also know that a lot of people who do that wind up getting DF'd later in life, so it makes me wonder, did they get baptized just because they felt pressured to? I really want to be sure that if I do get baptized, that it's my own decision, between me and Jeehoovy, and not because I feel pressured to."

    Worth a try. Might buy you some time.

  • NBird

    Thanks for all the advice. Very helpful. Obviously getting baptized is the not the right choice. Got it.

    I've purposely been avoiding making JW friends. My parents think I'm antisocial. It really bugs me how blatantly obvious to my parents I make it that I'm uncomfortable with it all, yet they don't take the hint.

    "I want to make sure that I am doing it because I want to, not because of pressure."

    I think I could use something like that in multiple situations.

    So, my next spiritual goal: "Do NOT get baptized!"

    Wish I could put that on my wall.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Yes, do not get baptized. I don't have great advice for what to do or say to your parent about this, but don't get baptized.

    Don't drop out of school. Don't have a pregnancy in your life at any near future point until it is a planned one.

    If it were me, I would hope to have the nerve to be straight up with Mom, but that will be uncomfortable for awhile afterward. I think the discomfort might be better than the feelings that the JW goals would give me.

  • sd-7
    So, my next spiritual goal: "Do NOT get baptized!"
    Wish I could put that on my wall.

    I'm suddenly seeing a comic of the Ethiopian eunuch saying, "What prevents me from getting baptized?" Then a thought bubble above his head..."I'm not old enough...does this mean they'll be able to shun me if I do?? Maybe I shouldn't..." Then Philip shoves him into the water..."You're doing the mikes!"


  • slipnslidemaster


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