Being pressured and getting increasingly stressed.

by NBird 55 Replies latest jw experiences

  • NBird

    Hello, I'm a 17 year old born in and I'm done with this religion. One hundred percent. I came to the conclusion a year ago that I wanted to leave. Of course, I've become much more sure since then. Everything the witnesses say turns me against it more.

    I should probably mention that I'm not actually one of them (that feels good to say). I'm not baptised. My plan was to take advantage of this and "progress" as a witness as slowly as possible, then stop attending when I'm able to move out. Recently, I've been a bit worried. A few months ago, my mother, noticing my lack of enthusiasm for being a JW compared to my siblings, and often bringing up how members of our congregation who are younger than me have accomplished more than I have, has started to attempt starting a study with me and someone from our congregation. I was very much against it, and I couldn't help but be vocal about it. Obviously this wasn't a great idea, since I wouldn't be able to give her my reasons without telling her the truth. All it did was delay it by a couple of months and made her try harder. I'm not sure, but I think that she thinks I enjoy the study somehow. I don't know why, I always make it a point to bluntly say that I don't. One of the things that bugs me most is that she always says "it's your arrangement". Really?

    Okay, the actual reason I wrote this was because the person I am studying with is making up these goals for me to accomplish. But wait...he's actually keeping track of them! This is what I was afraid of. A few months back, there I was, doing as little as possible, and now, I have someone watching me. What's worse, he is desperately for me to advance in the religion, because of the lack of people my age in our congregation. A handful of teenagers. There are more problems too. When I leave, he is going to feel like he wasted all those hours preparing and coming over to my house and stuff. Of course, he did waste his time, completely, but my mother is going to feel guilty about this. I mean, it is her fault, but in her mind she was doing the right thing. I certainly am not going to feel guilty.

    I feel like I will end up doing one of two things:

    1) I accomplish all these goals quickly and get baptised. Now, I have to go through all the stuff that comes with leaving the religion after baptism. Sounds painful.

    2) Before I get baptised I will just force myself to tell my parents how I feel. This means taking action now, and the thought overwhelms me. All those people I will disappoint just for not believing in their god or religion.

    My only hope is that I somehow build up whatever it is I need to tell the truth, but it seems like it's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe my dislike for this cult will eventually outweigh my emotions. Oh well, any advice would be appreciated.

  • NBird

    Oops, didn't mean to post this here. lol

  • gma-tired2
  • Oubliette

    Do NOT get baptized. You can't be disfellowshipped if you are not baptized.

  • Glander

    Don't get baptized!

    Your family will informally DF you anyway.

    I suggest your start working on being independant. I know you are too young to have to worry about it, but that is why they are bringing on the pressure.

    Think of Baptism as signing a binding contract. After that, your ass belongs to them.

  • LostGeneration

    Yeah getting dunked is a bad, bad idea.

    Do you have a job yet? Getting one will get you out of the house, and also offers lots of excuses to miss out on extra JW stuff. Sure you may have to go to meetings still but if you can carefully coordinate your work schedule to consistently interfere with your study then it gives you an out.

    Memorize this line - "I've made the decision to model my life after Jesus, he got baptized when he was 30 years old. That tells me he recognized the seriousness of the decision and I am looking to him for an example of how to act in all ways of life."

    Use it when your mom or your little mentor pressure you to get dunked.

  • tornapart

    Someone should only ever get baptised if it's what they really want! (In any religion). If it's not what you want then DON'T do it! Don't allow yourself to be coerced or emotionally blackmailed into something this serious, something you don't want to do. The repercussions will be far reaching. If you leave without being baptised then your parents will still feel they are able to have a relationship with you. If you leave after baptism then they will feel they have to cut you off. Please think seriously about this.

  • Quandry

    Yes, it looks as if you are just "along for the ride" with the person studying with you making all the goals. Of course, he sounds like just what the JWs want-someone who will move the student along in increments of ever increasing service with the eventual goal of baptism.

    You must be resolved not to be pressured into something you do not feel is right for you. It is your decision and yours alone. Realize that if you are baptised, you will face being shunned down the road if you ever express doubts. If you never get baptised, there is always the chance that your family will still have contact with you. Please read the experiences of others on this forum who have never gotten baptised.

    Please make your own goals. You are approaching the time when you could go to college. How about discussing your future with your dad? Mom may not approve of higher education. If you have one more year of High School left, make the most of it. Determine to get the best grades. Studying hard is a good reason not to go to meetings.

    Lastly-are you sure if you confide in your dad he will tell your mother? He could be your best ally at this time.

    Hoping for the best for you.

  • laverite

    Do NOT get baptised. Save yourself and your family a lot of grief by NOT doing it. Who cares if the person studying with you will feel that time was wasted. They are counting their time with you, giving them brownie points. They benefit from "your arrangement" far more than you ever will.

    As far as the goals, simply decline to accept those as your goals. State clearly that you do not feel that his goals for you are your goals. You want to take your time to read and study. This isn't something you take lightly and will not be rushed based on someone else's idea of an appropriate timeline. Say thanks, but no thanks. A study is fine for now, but no other goals, please.

    And regardless of goals or no goals, just don't get dunked. Period. You are surely able to stall for time. And if everyone is pushing hard, when you have conversations with the elders, you can state this isn't what you feel is appropriate for now, and you feel that others are forcing you into this. Put it back on them.

    Finally, even if someone has driven you to the assembly and escorted you in, don't get in the damn pool.

    Stay dry,


  • Sapphy

    Try and get rid of your guilt. Even if you don't get baptised the person who is studying with you is counting at least 8 hours a month,1 bible study and 4 return vists. You're helping them make their time whether you get baptised or not, in fact it's better for them if you dont get dunked so they can continue counting their time...

Share this