Hello, I'm a 17 year old born in and I'm done with this religion. One hundred percent. I came to the conclusion a year ago that I wanted to leave. Of course, I've become much more sure since then. Everything the witnesses say turns me against it more.
I should probably mention that I'm not actually one of them (that feels good to say). I'm not baptised. My plan was to take advantage of this and "progress" as a witness as slowly as possible, then stop attending when I'm able to move out. Recently, I've been a bit worried. A few months ago, my mother, noticing my lack of enthusiasm for being a JW compared to my siblings, and often bringing up how members of our congregation who are younger than me have accomplished more than I have, has started to attempt starting a study with me and someone from our congregation. I was very much against it, and I couldn't help but be vocal about it. Obviously this wasn't a great idea, since I wouldn't be able to give her my reasons without telling her the truth. All it did was delay it by a couple of months and made her try harder. I'm not sure, but I think that she thinks I enjoy the study somehow. I don't know why, I always make it a point to bluntly say that I don't. One of the things that bugs me most is that she always says "it's your arrangement". Really?
Okay, the actual reason I wrote this was because the person I am studying with is making up these goals for me to accomplish. But wait...he's actually keeping track of them! This is what I was afraid of. A few months back, there I was, doing as little as possible, and now, I have someone watching me. What's worse, he is desperately for me to advance in the religion, because of the lack of people my age in our congregation. A handful of teenagers. There are more problems too. When I leave, he is going to feel like he wasted all those hours preparing and coming over to my house and stuff. Of course, he did waste his time, completely, but my mother is going to feel guilty about this. I mean, it is her fault, but in her mind she was doing the right thing. I certainly am not going to feel guilty.
I feel like I will end up doing one of two things:
1) I accomplish all these goals quickly and get baptised. Now, I have to go through all the stuff that comes with leaving the religion after baptism. Sounds painful.
2) Before I get baptised I will just force myself to tell my parents how I feel. This means taking action now, and the thought overwhelms me. All those people I will disappoint just for not believing in their god or religion.
My only hope is that I somehow build up whatever it is I need to tell the truth, but it seems like it's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe my dislike for this cult will eventually outweigh my emotions. Oh well, any advice would be appreciated.