So I have been a lurker on this forum since its inception. I registered over a year ago. I jumped in several months back with a highly controversial subject of my daughter being sexually abused by an elder and the efforts we were taking to bring him to justice. Immediately I was bombarded with being a "troll" and many were skeptical. Some where supportive. Some even lead me in the direction to seek help. The thread I started was deleted.
Now all of you know who I am. Many have taken the time to research me. Many have developed a very close bond and been instrumental in helping my daughter and I. Enough of all that.
Being cast out from an organization that you have only known since birth is catastrophic. Keeping a level head is not always easy. I have made many mistakes in my 42 years but I try to learn from them. This is an internet forum where everyone has an opinion and chances are they wont agree with yours. Still some of the people I have met on this very forum have saved my life. You have saved my daughters life. I thank you for that.
As you may gather, I was born in. 1970. Mom and Dad brought me into the world in Santa Barbara county and attended the Quarantina Congregation in Santa Barbara. They moved 15 miles south to Carpinteria and that is the congregation I was raised. I have a sister 6 years older.
Mom was great at training me as the perfect JW little boy. I was constantly rescuing my witness playmates from holiday celebrations and politcal ceremonies at school. I never had a problem explaining why being a JW exluded me from a plethora of activities.
My sister was "disassosciated" before her 18th birthday stemming from not returning home the night of her senior prom. I did not ever have contact with her again until the death of my mom 16 years ago.
I forfeited my 4.5 GPA and several college scholarships and opted to spend time pioneering and bethel service and learning a construction trade. I was married at 19 to a sister in my congregation. At 22 I was a MS. At 26 I was an Elder. By 32 I had 3 children.
I lost my mom to breast cancer 16 years ago. She was tormented by the shunning of my sister for 6 years. When I was only 8 my father, who was an elder, disclosed to my mother that he was gay. Of course I didnt learn of that until I was 21 and got to know my father better. Still, they remained married. And they vowed to stay "in the truth" Mom was very protective. I had a miniscule relationship with my father as I grew up. My father left the organization when I was 21. I maintained a relationship with him despite my being an elder and despite him being openly gay. My father committed suicide 4 years ago. He left a letter. It was breif. He told me of his being abused sexually by his presiding overseer between ages 12-16. He told me of being raped in Bethel by 5 boys and 1 overseer. He told me I was the only thing he had ever done right in his life. My father married my mother and my mother had a 2 year old daughter at the time. My sister. I learned much later in my childhood that my sisters father had been decapitated in a car accident on Christmas Eve when she was in my mothers tummy.
My father to this day is one of my heroes. Ive never known a more sincere or compassionate man. Yes he had flaws. But dont we all? Likewise, my mother was also remarkable. I remember her staying up with me until 3 or 4 in the morning helping me with my adolescent problems.
So at 29, an elder, I find myself missing my sister. Missing my mom. Missing my dad even though he is alive. I begin to question everything. I become cynical. I get on the internet and start educating myself.
Learning TTATT is not easy. At all. I stepped down from being an elder and before I even knew what fading was I had begun to do it. By 33 I attended no meetings. By 38 I attended no assemblies. 39 was the last year I attended memorial. It was the same year my wife left me for an older man, a JW. It was the same year I fought a nasty divorce and custody battle.
I managed to do ok. I have full custody of my daughter. I see my boys on weekends. I am in a loving relationship with an incredibly smart and beautiful woman. I have gained an equally remarkable step daughter. Yes my lady is an ExJW. We have known eachother for 20 years. Our daughters played together as toddlers. I am a VERY lucky man.
And that brings me to today. I am currently pursuing the prosecution of the former elder that molested my daughter. He is in jail awaiting trial. It has been overwhelming and exhausting. And I know its all just the beginning.
Many ask how my daughter is doing. Let me tell you, she is my hero. I have never known anyone as courageous. She is a straight A high school freshmen. She has already made her way to Staff Sargeant in the JROTC program. Last year she was named Character of the Year in Santa Barbara County by the United Way. She is strong. She is so wise despite her years. Her aspirations are to help children in a field relating to therapy or psychology.
There are a lot of crazy details and things most of you may never believe that I have left out. I think that is ok. Even at 42 I am struggling assimilating everything in my life. When it comes to spirituality I am so timid. I dont want to believe in anything anymore.
I do believe in the ones I love. And I am dedicating my life to taking care of them and protecting them the best I can.
This forum and the people that post are the best therapy anyone could ask for. Thank you for allowing me to participate.
tylin