I feel cheated that never, not once, as a dub or as a ex-dub, did I experience the presence, manifestation, or just-things-flying-around, of demons. Not so much as a teacup levitating from its saucer. No inexplicable cold spots. Not even, and this I take personally, a case of unwarranted heebie-jeebies. Dubs seem to enjoy their demon stories so much, that I feel left out of what arguably could be the most exciting thing that ever happens in their otherwise drab dub lives.
Therefore, I'm going to conduct an experiment. For one week, I'm holding an open house for any demon who cares to pop in. If the dubs are correct, I should have a busy week.
Here is my invitation: As of 12:00am EST, January 18, I hereby call upon any demon, devil, anti-christ, ghost, apparition, shade, or garden-variety otherworldly evil creature, to prove your existence to me. Unlike God, who says I cannot put him to the test, you guys are just drooling for a chance to reveal yourselves in all your unholy glory, or so I've been told.
You already know my address. I'll leave the Keurig coffee machine on all night, as that seems to be your favored visitation time. Help yourselves. There's decaf for the poltergeists.
For those who prefer to reveal themselves through physical objects, you can rest assured that there are many items in my home that I've acquired over the years from garage/yard/tag sales. Please note, however, that I'm very fond of my seashell-framed mirror. Leave that alone unless there's no other way, and even then, just crack the glass. I can have that replaced.
This invitation is only good for one week. I trust that's enough time to work a brief visit into your busy schedules.
I look forward to your visit(s) and hope to chat with you about the many questions I have about God, the nature of reality, and the universe.
Infernally yours,
Parakeet.
(To JWN posters, I'll give you an update in one week to tell you how things worked out.)