I had trouble with my family when my mom was dying and then there were funeral disputes. In an ideal world, I would demand respect for my views. Our extended family never stopped preaching. Altho they were well aware of my mom's beliefs, they still preached. When I was younger, I berated my mom for not being assertive with her family. She described previous hurts and said the ensuing dispute was not worth it.
My mom spent her younger years complainng about her mom. As she grew older,she transformed and thought her mother was wonderful.
I see a similar journey. My decision was to be gracious (and perhaps earn brownie points in heaven). When she died, my brother-in-law insisted on a Roman Catholic funeral, altho he was NOT a family member. My mom had been very vocal about how hurt she was from religion. We never attended Catholic Churches. Her will clearly stated that she did not want any religious service. Oh, it was also horrible of her not to invite my brother-in-law's relative to the funeral. All these choices were my mother's choices and expressed in her will.
I had to threaten legal action. Altho I was very afraid of death as a Witness, I am glad that I was present. She wanted her ashes scattered at the shore. My sister always has an excuse for years now. I defer b/c I believe my mom would not want all out war.
The bottom line is that my mom loved them, too. I am sorry for the pain you are feeling.
