Elders finally took me to the back room...

by OneDayillBeFree 59 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Giordano

    Right now your a speed bump at the KH. And the best thing about a speed bump is a way around them when possible. Your goal is to make sure they don't have to go over you so you get to fade on your own terms. No matter how you cut it they would prefer that the speedbump is not there.

    I also agree no more backroom. But no signs of disrespect.......... just a mild amount of gentle disinterest.

    The longer I faded the warmer my greetings at the KH. The more direct my eye contact. The firmer my handshake. They knew I had nothing to hide and they knew they were losing me.

  • sd-7

    What I learned once I actually engaged the elders was that they're really not used to people standing up to them. They seem to be accustomed to getting their way, to having this spell of authority. You don't have to be antagonistic with them to be a man about it all. Heck, if even I was able stand up to them, and I'm a doormat, you should be able to manage just fine!

    But it sounds like you're clever enough to deal with them. That's a very Bat-like move with the phone, bro. "Helps if you're prepared."


  • problemaddict


    Hey man. So you have already gotten a bevy of advise. You handled it very well. Even when we fade, we still find ourselves emtionally subject to elders sometimes. Its kind of engrained in us. If most people asked you those questions you would jsut tell them to go to hell, but because it was elders, you feel obligated to entertain their questions, even if just for a minute.

    Here is the thing to remember. You can always say no. Thats it. Can we come by? No thank you. Can you step back here with us? No I don't want to do that but thanks for thinking of me. Are you sinning? No, I'm fine...have to go now.

    Treat them like you would any other person, and watch how your world opens up.

  • out4good3

    Once you stand up to those clowns they'll back down pretty quickly.

    My advice is to only deal with them when you are in control of the location and circumstances of the visit. As suggested, never let them corner you in the back second school in a group on their terms. Control the place, control the time, the venue, circumstances, and direction of the conversation.

    The last time a pair of those clowns tried to chastise me, they were sitting across from me in my home during a visit I believed initiated by my wife. After a little small talk, they started in on the questioning trying to corner me on the significance of their authority and that of the organization and I told them point blank that we could talk about God and religion all they want, but, that that was not going to be used as a prelude to chastising me about anything they perceived as me doing wrong or lacking in.

    The look on their faces was priceless. [email protected]#$Tchessss!!!!!!!

  • OneDayillBeFree

    Thanks again for the advice! it really does help!

    I guess the thing that got me to agree to go back with them is that they caught me off guard sort of speak.

    I wasn't expecting it. There were other brothers around and I stayed with a smile on my face as I entered.

    I was as respectful as I could be, and yes fading really is a game if you think about it. And it's not easy at all!

    I also have a feeling they're going to try and get me again because of the unfinished/unanswered questions that they gave me but I'm not going back there again.

    It's rather funny really, when the elders give you this look as if you're an evil possessed person. And all the while I just smile and show them how happy I am!

  • MrsCedars

    I had that kind of thing happening to me once, they caught me off guard, and being the way I am, I told way too much. Since then, whenever elders want to talk I do one of these: say I don't have time; tell them that I will be calling them when I want to talk to them; thank them for their concern, but kindly say not on this occasion.

    It's rather funny really, when the elders give you this look as if you're an evil possessed person. And all the while I just smile and show them how happy I am!

    Good for you!!

    My friend and I both had the same treatment from the individuals in the cong, their looks are almost saying “Poor you, Satan has grabbed you in his fists, you must be miserable!!”, so whenever we see any of them we put a big grin on.

    Mrs C

  • redvip2000

    This reminds of an experience my wife had.

    Before we got married. she had already stopped going to meetings for a few years but for about 2 weeks or so decided to start going with her mom.

    After attending about the 3rd meeting in a row, the elders asked to talk to her after the meeting. They set up a few chairs in a corner of the main meeting room - in view of everybody (not sure if it was intentional or the back room was not available), and 3 elders sat down with her. After reading a few "confess your sins" bible verses, they proceeded to grill her repeatedly about the time that she spent away from the meetings.

    " What did you do?", " Who did you associate with?", " Were you involved with anybody", " Did you sleep with anybody" were just some of the questions in this public interrogation. My wife started to cry out of enbarassment and humiliation, and her mother seeing this, came and pulled her from this situation and left the meeting with her.

    Needless to say, my wife never went back again.

  • Barbara Ann
    Barbara Ann

    I have to put my comment on here. I also had an encounter with the Elders - and they didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to participate in meetings, afterwards so I was somewhat ticked off. I was a studying person and wasn't baptised in the religion. My ex husband who I was with at that time forced me to terminate a pregnacy - but it was my fault - I had no family to go to - they are polite when they are at the door ....

  • Ding

    Hi, Barbara Ann, and welcome!

  • DesirousOfChange

    (Blatant and shocking disrespect for Theocratic Order or words to that effect.)

    AKA blatant (that's the buzz-word) disregard for their "lordship and speaking abusively of glorious ones". See Jude 8.

    That tells you the axe is about to fall.


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