JW played me and broke my heart

by new22day 63 Replies latest jw friends

  • notjustyet

    "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all,.... except when it involves a cult member, in that case it is better to never have loved at all"

    Jws love Jehovah first, all other humans take a second seat to the almighty.

    I'm in no way saying to try to get back together with him, but he is in a cult and you could possibly get him to question whether or not he is in the correct religion.

    If you were having sex with him during the time he was being considered for re-instatement, and even up to and afterward you could ask him how this could gods holy spirit approve of his re-instatement since he was involved in a sexual relationship outside of the marriage bonds.

    You could feign interest in a letter to the elders to "clear your conscience before god" about your sexualy deeds with Brother X and lay it all out for then so that if for not other reason than to protect some of the other women that are trapped in that cult.


  • jamiebowers

    I'm sorry this happened to you, but stop feeling embarrassed. Your ex-boyfriend was trained from birth to be manipulative, because he was and now is in a cult. As tempting as it may be to either stay friends with him or report his behavior to the elders, please don't. Both options will just cause continued grief for you. Cut him out of your life. If, by some chance, he leaves the cult, do not go back into a relationship with him unless he has had extensive counseling under the direction of a cult expert such as Stephen Hassan, Randy Watters, etc.

    It usually takes years for an ex-jw to cope with the Watch Tower's psychological damage. Although most eventually come through it just fine, there are a few who go off the deep end and become dangerous people.

  • Ding

    Welcome to the forum.

    Sorry to hear about the way you were treated.

    If it's any consolation, at least you didn't marry the guy, have children with him, and THEN find out about his double life.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Welcome to our forum. It does seem that you were indeed played.

    He was lying to you and lying to them. He was having his cake and eating it too. The very idea that he wants to remain a friend may indicate that he hopes to keep you as a secret lover. I imagine the only happy ending he sees is making you join his cult or leaving you behind once he finds a woman to marry who is already in the cult.

    RUN RUN RUN away from this guy. If you let him, he will go back and forth. It would be wonderful to help him out of the cult, but he already lied to you and you could expect more of the same.

  • Woody22


  • Balaamsass


    What I would tell my daughter : He did you a favor. Some things are deal breakers. Double lives are one of them.

    If you NEED revenge..out him. If not..move on and be thankful.

  • ruderedhead

    Welcome, new22day. I am sorry this is happening to you. This man sounds like he is sorely lacking in morals and conscience. You probably have higher morals than he does. It sounds from your post as though he has no problem being deceitful and using people, and places what he wants first .He never told anyone about you, lied to you, tried to make you feel like the bad guy for returning his things to his landlady (obviously because you might have exposed him). You are best rid of him, and I am sure you realize that, but I know it must hurt after 2 years.

    I would ask you to consider calling the kingdom hall he attends, if there is more than one congregation there find out what times their meetings are held, and call there and ask to speak to an elder about 10 minutes before a meeting starts. Share your story, make sure you have share the general timeline this all occured so they can see that he was leading a double life while being reinstated. I believe there is something wrong with this person, and you might want to do this not for revenge, but to save someone else from getting hurt. If you are going to do it for revenge, I would say don't. It won't make anything better, your heart won't heal any faster, he will still be a lying dog who will most likely lie his way out of it. You also might want to consider changing the locks where you live just to be on the safe side if he ever had a key. I would do this whether you decide to expose him or not.

    Refuse to have anymore communication with him. Block him from your phone, your emails, anyway he has of communicating with you. And come here as frequently as you need to vent. I have found this to be a very welcoming, helpful group of people. All the best in life to you!

  • Gayle

    He was a "two-timer," "double-lifer." I would not doubt he will be that way the rest of his life. You are honest-hearted and he was not. He is not even worthy of being a "friend" to you. The nerve to even suggest being a friend now is a total insult!

    I have heard this type of experience many times, yours is not so unique.

  • Left in the Cold
    Left in the Cold

    Hi new22day. I'm glad you're here. The people here will and do understand your situation. I'm so sorry you're heart was broken. I'm dealing with that a bit myself. I really feel that he did love you. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Captain Obvious is defiantly right about him being under cult mind control. There are some good books that can explain what is going on in his life and in his mind. I'm fairly new here so maybe others could suggest which books might help. But only read these so you can understand better why this happened. Please don't read them with a view of 'getting him back' which you don't want anyway. Also, the fact that you and he were having sex while he was getting reinstated speaks volumes about him as a person. You are better off. It's so hard to end things for good. I'm dealing with that too. But don't be his doormat for him to use when he's horny or lonely. You only have one heart. Right now you need to protect it at all costs while it heals.

    If you have doctrinal questions about JWs there are many kind and intelligent people here who can help. But if you just want to talk about the way you feel or your heartache just pm me. I'd be happy to listen anytime.

  • new22day

    First of all, Thank you to all of you for your support and kind responses. You've given me some things to think about. I've had this fantasy for a long time of going to his KH and watching him squirm as I sit through a meeting and then approach these "elder" people (are they 100?) for a private chit chat. It makes me smile but truthfully too bold for me. Plus, while I don't believe sex between consenting adults is wrong, I do believe it's private and frankly, I'm not interested in lowering myself to the JW's weird standards and sharing my sex life with a bunch of strangers (and potential perverts). I like the idea of a phone call or letter though, but I'll have to see how much I want to invest in this. I don't think he should be free to hurt others with no consequences, and I like the diea of throwing a wrench into that.

    He tried to "get" with me a few weeks ago and I said, 'you can lie to me, and you can lie to your KH people, but there's 'someone' you can never lie to. HE knows and sees everything that you do." He was pretty quiet and very shortly after that said he had to go home and left hastily. Ha. After that he hasn't really made a move on me. He says I throw it in his face so he won't do it ever again.

    Anyhow, I replied to his email and told him that by my standards we were never friends and we certainly wouldn't be now. Friends don't lie or hide their friends. I also told him the best thing he can do is never contact me again. I'm getting a new phone and new # so I can get away from his daily sweet texts and I told him that too. In the meantime my current mobile is out of commision (I purposely broke it when I was mad thinking about all those bloody texts for the last 2 years).

    A few points of clarification: his landlady and her adult daughter are former Pentecostals studying with JWs and he goes to meetings with them. I don't think they were actually studying together. As for pulling him out of this cult. Believe me I tried. I realize I took the wrong approach and did everything wrong. I never held my words and told him I thought it was a cult right from the start. In hindsight, I should have been more respectful and I really do regret my harsh words (tho I believe them). I questioned the false prophescies and what the bible said about that, and he said he wasn't equipped to answer my questions but I could meet with others who could.

    I wasn't raised in a religious home, but my parents were strong stewards of the Golden Rule. We weren't taught to do the right thing to insure a ticket to paradise; we were to do the right thing because it was the right thing to do. Plain and simple and it's not hard to do the right thing, so I don't see what all the fuss is about with so many religious people. And why such a vengeful Creator? I know mere humans with more capacity for forgiveness than this angry, cruel Jehovah they worship. Again, I'm not religious, but I always thought the message of Christ was one of love and forgiveness and I do strive to live with that mindset as much as I can. He always questioned my family and whether we were religious, as he thought we behaved like religious people -- simply because we have morals I guess. Yep worldlys have morals - what a surprise! I find it VERY insuting that this religion presumes I'm under Satan's influence. It all seems so childish and simple minded to me. I don't believe in Satan. We make our own choices to do good or bad. It's called taking personal responsibilty - not blaming Satan.

    If we are lucky, God gave us legs so we can walk and run and we don't need others to carry us. God gave us arms so we can pick things up and not rely on others to carry our things, and God gave all of us a brain so we can use it and we don't need others to think for us. Sorry I rant now... these are some things that I think.

    Thanks to all of you again! Peace

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