Hi - first time poster and came here out of sadness and to vent I guess as I have no one to talk to about this. I have had my heart broken by a reinstated JW I dated for two years. He was raised JW but not practicing when we met. We had lots of fun together. I was swept off my feet as they say and thought I had found ‘the one’.
He relocated to my city and moved 10 minutes away to be close and we’re pretty much together all the time. A few months in he decided to start going to meetings again. He said he was just checking it out, not thinking of returning but he went more and more. Over time our relationship began to sour. One thing we fought about was this secret life he led that I wasn’t a part of. I never met any of his friends and the few times I happened to bump into him with people it was clear they had no idea I existed in his life, although he had happily met all of my friends and family. He also never referred to us as ‘dating’ and always introduced me as a ‘friend’. It bugged me.
One day I found a letter to his parents, telling them he was about to be reinstated. I couldn’t believe it. I asked him about it and he said he hadn’t mailed it because he didn’t know if he wanted to be reinstated and he would decide if and when that happened. We were having sex, which I knew was a big no no in the religion, and I was also under the impression JWs could not date outside their faith. This decision had a pretty big consequence on me and I think I deserved to be given a heads up about this. He said I was wrong he could date me and he could even marry me as well. It was allowed. It just didn’t add up from what I knew.
A few weeks later I decided I was tired of being a secret and was done. I decided to drop some things off with his landlady who I knew was studying with him. I told her I was his girlfriend. She was kind but clear that she had never heard of me before (2 years!) He freaked out when he found out I spoke with her and told me it was over he would never have a trouble-maker in his life. WTF? And fine by me! But after a week or so it starts all over again – a ton of text messages telling me how much he misses me. I fall for it and we hang out again. Then one night he slips and mentions that he was already reinstated. It had happened weeks before we split and he never told me. Now he is moving to Kelowna in a few months to start again fresh. He calls me all the time and I decided to be supportive but distance myself. Anyhow the other night he was over and I told him how the past two years of lies have impacted me. He said very little and then replied with an email the next day saying he’d like to always keep me as a ‘dear friend’ and stay in touch after he moves away! OMG! (or OMJ!) He takes no responsibility for his lying or the pain this relationship has caused me. It’s like he has no conscience or basic morality. I am so sad and I can’t believe that I, the worldly one, am the bad guy here. No one has treated me so poorly before. My heart is broken and I can’t even have a real conversation with him about it. It’s like talking to a wall. Is it that easy to discard worldlys? I don't know what answers I expect. I am embarassed to be in this situation and I don't feel I can talk to my friends about it as they will think I am crazy for being in this situation. I feel that way too. So sad...cause I really loved him. :( It's so easy for him to leave me now and I don't get that.