JW played me and broke my heart

by new22day 63 Replies latest jw friends

  • brinjen

    Hi new22day and welcome!

    Sorry to hear of your experience of dating a JW. Unfortunately, that's often how it ends. My dad found out the hard way when my mother left him to go back 2 years after I was born. She pretended she was just visiting her mother a few thousand km's away and then never went back to him... just cut him off.

    It's an upbringing which screws with your values that's for sure. One point that really stuck with me when I was reading the book 'I'm Perfect, You're Doomed' by Kyria Abrahams (also raised as a JW) was when she talked about not seeing any difference between sleeping with her best friend's husband and eating a slice of birthday cake. She saw them both as 'sin' and all sin is equally bad. To them, it's all about pleasing Jehovah and not thinking of the impact their actions have upon those around them.

    They like to isolate their members... for them it's all about that personal relationship with Jehovah and being ready to turn on your own family at a moment's notice if they are doing the wrong thing in fear of having Jehovah kill you come armageddon if you don't. This loyalty to Jehovah always comes first... it's more important to them than the family bond.

    I hope you can start to make sense of this soon, and do please realise you probably are better off. It's not going to feel that way though.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello New22day and welcome. I'm sorry you've been treated like this. The hypocrisy of the guy is deplorable isn't it, getting reinstated while having a forbidden sexual relationship with you. If you wanted to get even, you could write to the elders at his hall and tell them, that would rain on his lovely reinstated parade. But for your personal benefit I'm not sure revenge is a good thing. This guy has proven to be a liar who has used you and treated you badly. You deserve much better. Let him go and move on, the sadness will ease up for you and learn from it and choose more wisely next time? I wish you well.

    Loz x

  • DarioKehl

    That stinks. And thank you for sharing your story so others who are outside this organization can see what happens when a JW tries to share their life with you.

    The most important thing is to not take this personally. I am not defending him. His actions are inexcusable. But, this is clear evidence of how much control over a person's life and mind this damaging cult can have. It causes otherwise nice, normal people to behave in antisocial ways. Keep in mind, his life, his connection to his family and friends as well as his chance at eternal salvation were held hostage. (oh... and BTW, he will not stay reinstated for long.) His "true" self was the person who loved you, but that "true" identity was distracted. Every aspect of a JW's life is dictated and cock blocked by this organization 24/7.

    Imagine if your parents were in some horrible prison somewhere and their captors gave you demands. Then they told you that a bomb was implanted and they could set it off if you didn't do as they said. This is an extreme analogy, but the results are the same. You would be compelled to march in line even though you would be told to do things that violate your conscience. This guy is in a strangle hold by a high-control cult and the price of unconformity is huge. You or anyone else who "gets in the way" are collateral damage. Again, I'm not defending him at all. But I hope this helps you understand things better and to not blame yourself. This cult victimizes non-members just as often.

    Keep sharing your story. Don't name names (unless you want sweet revenge), but write a blog or post a video on YouTube that's publicly searchable so others whose curiousity moves them to research this religion may see your experience and benefit from your warning. You have the power now to educate others.

    Sorry for your pain, though. It sucks.

    Welcome to the forum, btw


  • nugget

    Yes you were played. The problem is JWs do not have proper relationships, the only one that counts is the relationship with their faith. As you did not share his beliefs your thoughts, feelings and aspirations counted for nothing. Your relationship was forbidden fruit and whatever he said he was lying. He should not have been dating outside the faith or having sex outside of marriage. He wanted to go back to the religion and you were an obstacle. He also wanted to enjoy your company and have sex without making any emotional comitment to you. You were an object in his life but not a person.

    He lied to you all. It is better that you found out sooner rather than later. You are worth more than this and he did not and does not appreciate and value you. There will be someone who does I am sure.

  • leavingwt


  • dreamgolfer

    You will find great friends here- I have!

  • rebel8

    Sorry you went through that.

    I decided to drop some things off with his landlady who I knew was studying with him.

    This doesn't add up either. The only non-relatives authorized to speak to disfellowshipped people are ordained male clergy.

    I told him how the past two years of lies have impacted me.

    This was a good strategy. He needs to understand he is not acting in accordance with his own professed beliefs, and it could be therapeutic with you.
    He takes no responsibility for his lying or the pain this relationship has caused me. It’s like he has no conscience or basic morality.

    This is quite common for jws. They are specifically taught that worldlies like you are worthless and evil.* When I was a teen "in", they called "worldly" boys "The Walking Dead".

    I too would advise you to cut off the relationship for good. Letting him "keep in touch" probably assuages his conscience on some level, and he doesn't deserve that, especially at your expense.

    *Here is what he believes about you. :(

    Watchtower 2010 Sep 15 p.14
    "The spirit of companionship that unites those who work together in God's service is far stronger than the spirit that unites others in the world who merely socialize together."

    Awake 1996 October 22 p.15
    Since worldly people are existing as slaves of corruption, their company cannot bring you true happiness.

    Watchtower 1994 Feb 15 p.24
    "We must also be on guard against extended association with worldly people. Perhaps it is a neighbor, a school friend, a workmate, or a business associate. We may reason, 'He respects the Witnesses, he leads a clean life, and we do talk about the truth occasionally.' Yet, the experience of others proves that in time we may even find ourselves preferring such worldly company to that of a spiritual brother or sister. What are some of the dangers of such a friendship?"

    Watchtower 1995 Mar 15 p.11
    "Learning to Find Enjoyment in the Fear of Jehovah *** The majority of people have no interest in God and his purposes."

    Watchtower 1986 7/1 p.26
    "True, the majority of people disdain pure worship."

    Watchtower 1987 September 15 p.12 Breathing This World's "Air" Is Death-Dealing!
    "While some contact with worldly people is unavoidable-at work, at school, and otherwise-we must be vigilant so as to keep from being sucked back into the death-dealing atmosphere of this world. ... Let the world go along in its way, reaping its bad fruitage in the form of broken homes, illegitimate births, sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS, and countless other emotional and physical woes."

    Watchtower 1984 October 1 pp.15, 19 Remain "Without Spot From the World"
    "We must avoid the speech, conduct and attitudes that are so common among worldly individuals, but that are out of harmony with God's Word. For instance, hatred, greediness, shameful conduct and obscene jesting have no proper place in our life. We must 'put up with one another and be forgiving, even as Jehovah has freely forgiven us.' (Colossians 3:13) That is not the common worldly way of dealing with others, but it is the godly way."

    True Peace and Security - How Can You Find It? pp.122,126 Survivors Must Be "No Part of the World"
    "Only a minority has ever stayed free from the control of this invisible ruler and his forces. Thus the "world," that is, the mass of mankind alienated from God, "is lying in the power of the wicked one . This may sound hard to believe. Yet, do not most people of this world clearly manifest the attitude and works of God's Adversary? ... Worldly people, for example, heap honor and glory on those whose ambitious drive leads them to great wealth, power, or fame""

    Watchtower 1970 March 1 p.148
    "He will want to watch how he walks so he does not unintentionally begin acting like worldly youths."

    Watchtower 1966 June 1 p.341
    "If you are one of those rare persons that wants to serve the Creator today, that wants to give him exclusive devotion, that wants to do work that is pleasing in his eyes, that wants to receive his approval and his gift of life, then let Jehovah, by means of his spirit, cultivate in you the good condition of heart that is a mark of his people."

    Watchtower 1954 December 15 p.759
    "By giving the Kingdom message instead of giving mere money or material things they reach those who are really "poor in spirit," "conscious of their spiritual need," rather than just the self-seeking poor of this world who do not care to belong to Jehovah. Thus the unappreciative worldly poor who prefer to belong to Satan the "god of this system of things" are screened out."

    "If we stop actively supporting Jehovah's work, then we start following Satan. There is no middle ground." Watchtower 2011 Jul 15 p.18

    "But Jehovah's servants already belong to the only organization that will survive the end of this wicked system of things." Watchtower 2007 Dec 15 p.14

    "But if we were to draw away from Jehovah's organization, there would be no place else to go for salvation and true joy." Watchtower 1993 Sep 15 p.22

    "Only Christian witnesses of Jehovah who successfully pass this test will survive and come forth like fire-refined gold for God's use in his precious new order." Watchtower 1985 Mar 1 p.14

    "The Devil is not on Jesus' side, and so the goatlike people who do nothing helpful to the reigning King Jesus Christ are against him and are on the Devil's side. There is no neutral side in the time of Christ's presence or parousia .They are cursed, just as Satan the Devil and his demon angels are. Hence, they deserve an everlasting future like that of the Devil and his angels." God's Kingdom of a Thousand Years has Approached p.286

    See here--even cats and children are evil.

    I know this is pretty shocking but you need to know how he views you...

    Best wishes in your journey ahead (which will not be down a crevice!).

  • Jim_TX


    Welcome to the forum. Like others have already said, you are fortunate that your relationship did not go any further.

    As another suggested, if you want to mess with him a bit - even after he has left, go to that landlady that he used to be near, and tell her a bit of the details of your relationship - and about the sex that you two had - especially if it was AFTER he was re-instated. The gossip mill will then begin to churn and his wagon will be fixed.

    You need to block any future communications with him - reject all text messages, etc. He will still try to be a part of your life, possibly even getting a little nookie when he wants it. It hurts, but be strong and keep away from him.

    Good Luck,

    Jim TX

  • Blablaman

    Hi. I'm sorry to hear of your experience, but he sounds like a total jerk. You are better off now with the lesson learnt.


  • rebel8

    go to that landlady that he used to be near, and tell her a bit of the details of your relationship - and about the sex that you two had - especially if it was AFTER he was re-instated

    LOL. Bonus points for prohibited sex acts such as oral or anal. j/k

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