JW played me and broke my heart

by new22day 63 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    Nice to hear from you, New22Day. I am a non-JW and I married my Witness. Would you believe it took him, the cad, two months after our marriage to admit to my existence at the hall? And with that it was because I got mad, followed him to the hall and sat down beside him. He was idiotic enough to lean over and furiously beg me under his breath for me to sit somewhere else! As if! I left him no choice. Without my saying a word, he rushed back to the elders and arranged a hasty meeting. It was precious, let me tell you, to see those elders fumble through their bibles. I remained stoic. Job done.

    Stop knocking yourself over what you could have done differently. It is all on him.

    As you may suspect by now, for the Witnesses it is all about appearances. You were his dirty little secret, his secret addiction, and no matter how good you were, you would never be "good" enough for the hall. It doesn't even do any good to report on him to the elders, as they will take his word over yours just because of who you are.

    I will say our relationship works because I have the power position, and as a mature woman I won't sublimate my character for any man. I am me and as much as my hubby may express his desire that I be more "acceptable" he really does love my freedom. Your young man is probably too immature to realize he had a gem in his hands.

  • MrFreeze

    I was on the other side of your fence, except I was still trying to remain in good standing with the JW's. It turned out horribly. I'm sorry for your situation but at this point judging from his reaction, you are probably better off.

  • jgnat

    Here is what you would have had to do to be accepted (and don't you dare think of it!)

    1. Break off all communication with bozo.
    2. Start a book study at a different hall, six months minimum.
    3. Ask to be an "unbaptized publisher" so you can spend a couple hours every Saturday in your modest dress peddling magazines door to door.
    4. Ask to be baptized.
    5. Answer about 200 baptism questions, promising to follow good hygiene and always obey the Faithful and Discreet Slave.
    6. Even if you get turned down for publishing or baptism, show no anger. In fact, show no anger the rest of your life. Humbly admit to your failing and ask as many times as you need to for acceptance.
    7. Attend three meetings plus the proselyzing every week. Highlight your magazine every week. Take their public speaking classes but never speak directly to an audience (you are a woman). Instead you will prepare little vignettes of successful impromptu book studies with neighbours, relatives, and family members.
    8. If in a group setting where prayer is required and there are no baptized males available, cover your head before praying.
    9. "Run in" to bozo at a convention (conventions and assemblies are mandatory too). Make sure you are fitted out in a stunning dress; modest but shapely.
    10. Wait for bozo to invite you out to chaperoned events. Never, ever give any reason for gossip at the hall that you might be participating in, you know, pre-marital bliss. No overnight stuff.
    11. Things will move pretty quickly after this. Elders want to prevent any opportunity for fornication. Engagement, marriage, presto!
    12. Read up on your wifely duties in the "Secret of Family Happiness" book. If he gets cranky, try harder. Submission rules.
    13. Pregnancy is no excuse to shirk in your publisher duties.
    14. A good job is no excuse to shirk on your publisher duties. Even better, quit your job and become a full-time pioneer.

    I don't think bozo would want you after all this! I bet your charm is in your wholeness, your full personality. Every once in a while bozo can't help himself and he just has to have a piece of it. But he feels guilty afterwards and blames you for his weakness. Cad.

    Every once in a while when hubby gets overzealous, I threaten to quit my job, sell the house, go on assistance, move in to a crappy subsidized carpetless apartment, and go in to full-time field service. He absolutely pales.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    just leave. it's really not worth it

    He was idiotic enough to lean over and furiously beg me under his breath for me to sit somewhere else! As if!.....Jgnat

    ............................  mutley-ani1.gif ...OUTLAW

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    I questioned the false prophescies and what the bible said about that, and he said he wasn't equipped to answer my questions but I could meet with others who could.

    None of them could answer your questions honestly. All they do is lie about their past and hope you swallow it, or divert your attention away from your questions. Insisting on proof and honesty is a great way of getting them to display their true characters.

    You talk a lot of good sense, so trust your instincts and be wary of anyone who wants you to override them, especially if they want to control your life.



  • new22day

    Thanks for the message jgnat. Wow - honestly, you are a better woman than I am. I don't know how you could put up with him keeping you a secret - esp after you were married! I would have buried him in the backyard -- mostly kidding. You may have gathered I am not much of a wallflower. I do believe this is one thing that really drew him to me as well. He told me once that weak women make him cringe and he can't stand them. So that was some of the attraction. One thing I should clarify -- I think people may assume he and I are young people and new to relationships. Nope - he and I are both 40-year olds - sad but true. This is not kids stuff that went on.

  • new22day

    Outlaw and Jgnat, You have both just made me laugh out loud. The list of 14 things I need to do to get in - phew - I can't see myself doing all that. Isn't there an online course I could take to fast track. ;) And yes, 40. Love the man in a diaper pic - that pretty much sums it up.
    I sure know how to pick 'em!

  • LostGeneration

    Oh man outlaw- That's a top ten of all time!

  • jgnat

    Awww, dear. All the more reason not to kick yourself. Anyone can be fooled...once. It's the "22" in your moniker that fooled me.

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